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Odd Cases

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rsquared:
I see. I guess what I'm just struggling with is that he had been tested April 2012 and was negative. And now in December he's positive. We've been together for almost 2 years so I just don't understand I guess.

jkinatl2:

--- Quote from: rsquared on January 11, 2013, 02:18:56 AM ---I see. I guess what I'm just struggling with is that he had been tested April 2012 and was negative. And now in December he's positive. We've been together for almost 2 years so I just don't understand I guess.

--- End quote ---

Had he been inside the three month/six week window period at the time of his last test, he absolutely might have tested positive in April of 2012 when in fact, he was seroconverting at the time.

There really are no immaculate infections. I just hope that you and he find a place of honesty and mutual respect as you move forward together.

mecch:

--- Quote from: rsquared on January 11, 2013, 02:18:56 AM ---I see. I guess what I'm just struggling with is that he had been tested April 2012 and was negative. And now in December he's positive. We've been together for almost 2 years so I just don't understand I guess.

--- End quote ---

So relationship starts say February 2010.

April 2012 - a negative test.
Window period that might allow that test to have been false - about March 2012.
Anyhow - we will assume the test in April was correct.

So, somewhere between March 2012 and November 2012 - he had unprotected sex, or injected himself with a contaminated needle.  Or somehow had contact. 

(Blood transfusion, in Yemen?  Or, is he in a job where he might have had a needle prick?)

I don't know him but now we've met you and I would say, go with your feeling on this.  If he can give you a convincing explanation, "yes, darling, I cheated" or "yes I had a needle prick at work", and you can say, "OK, whats done is done, lets carry on," then fine. 

If he is all denial, its really your call.  You seem to really "feel" that he cheated and with whats been communicated so far, I would guess your gut is correct.  And therefore, he's a liar.  Sorry, that's just my take on it of course.

I had a boyfriend get HIV (when I was negative) via unprotected sex outside the relation.  It wasn't so nice for me (but as in your case, he didn't pass it along to me, so), but it was a hell of a lot worse for him, of course!  We both moved on and stayed together at that time. He didn't claim immaculate transmission, didn't need to because we had permission to screw outside.  Had he been all denially about it, I don't know. 

Sometimes when we love someone, we can forgive his/her denials because we understand why he is in denial, and accept its just human.

BUT surely from that point on, we ALSO are careful and protect ourselves because we know there isn't always honesty in our relationship...

My experience of relationships so far is that more relationships had lies in them than I had relationships that were quite honest.  To me, its always been, just how many lies have I been cool about before there was a point of no return.

There is often shame involved in cheating.  There is often shame involved in getting an STD.  Both are invitations for either denial, or a lie.  I know that guys lie all the time about cheating!  Depending on the relationship, these may be considered "white lies" - the guy feels like he loves his partner and the cheating doesn't mean much and/or the partner "knows but doesn't really want to know" so its a white lie - according to the guy. Guys are dogs. Speaking as one.   Either its a white lie, cause he thinks he is protecting your feelings, and really loves you. Or its a low down dirty lie because he's selfish and protecting himself. Or, he's so ashamed or so selfish, that its desperate denial more than its a conscious lie. 

mecch:
Oh by the way, what method was he tested HIV+? 
He needs a western blot confirmation.... If he doesn't have that, maybe he is NOT HIV+.

(pps - apologies to Yemen if their blood banks are impeccable...)

wolfter:

--- Quote from: mecch on January 11, 2013, 03:21:15 AM ---
I know that guys lie all the time about cheating!   Guys are dogs.
--- End quote ---

Perhaps it's time to stop picking up gutter mutts? 

I have never cheated (hence never needed to lie) at any time I was in a relationship. 

Wolfie

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