Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
December 22, 2014, 11:42:28 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 650156
  • Total Topics: 49630
  • Online Today: 182
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 4
Guests: 148
Total: 152

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: A different future  (Read 4747 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline mobileballs

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
A different future
« on: January 06, 2013, 08:26:17 AM »
It is really hard to get started writing anything but here goes.  I am 32 and I was diagnosed last August.  For the 6 months before I got tested I was sick all the time but kept on working.  Low grade fevers everyday, night sweats, left eye twitching, right eye swollen, nerve pain in my right arm, constant cough.  One night I work up completely drenched in sweat and ordered an HIV test online.  On August 4th is when I got the test results back but really couldn't process anything because I was so sick and still working (major project was launching).  I went to the doctor and started the process of getting better and then 2 weeks later my body just started not working anymore.  The doctor thought I might have TB and Pneumonia but both test came back negative.  My CD4 count was 60.

Now not to say that I was always the model of taking care of my self, in fact I sort of always came up with excuses not to go the doctor and just be in denial.

In my early 20's I was big into taking drugs.  I was a raver kid and the drugs made me feel better about myself.  I stopped taking hard drugs (K,T,Acid,X) when I was 25 when my career demanded it.  I only smoke cigarettes and weed now.  It took me a good 4 months for my body to feel normal again.

I just got my latest lab work back on Friday and my CD4 count is at 685, which is great news but of course all of the emotional backlog is starting.

In terms of my support system - The people that can really help me are there for me and the person I really want in my life, He can't support me the way that I need. 

I am sure this all sounds incoherent but I am trying.  I hope this thread will continue and I can offer more information and get more support.  This is my first step.

Balls
I used to be an adventurer like you but then I took an arrow to the knee.

Offline positivelynerd

  • Member
  • Posts: 33
  • Life isn't a struggle, it's a wiggle.
Re: A different future
« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2013, 01:34:59 PM »
Hi Balls,

Welcome to the forums.  You found a great place to turn to, there's a lot of support and information here.  Taking the first step in posting is very therapeutic.  Feel that weight off your shoulders?  It seems as though with you CD4 up, you're on meds and they're working great for you!  Our physical health is only part of the equation and now you can deal with your mental health, again, taking the first step is paramount. 

I'm happy to hear you have a support system in place, it makes a world of difference to have people in your life that are trustworthy, loving and willing to walk this road with you.  I know my friends have been a life saver.  And this person who can't support you the way you need?  An ex-lover? A crush?  Maybe they'll come around?  Without further information, I can say that if they won't love me, then they don't deserve my love.

One of the things I've learned in my mere three months since being diagnosed, is this life changing event I've been through, can be more than "all bad news."  Try and find a silver lining to this.

Best of luck and health to you, keep us posted on your progress.

-Nerd

5/25/12 Seroconversion
9/25/12 Diagnosed
10/12/12: VL- 799k, CD4 285
10/25/12 VL- 599k, CD4 274 
Started Sustiva + Epzicom
11/8/12: VL- 1790, CD4 412, 24%,
11/20/12: VL- 1470, CD4 350, 28%
12/19/12: VL- 584, CD4 293, 24%
1/16/13: VL- 411, CD4 404, 27%
2/13/13: VL- 314, CD4 523, 20%
3/13/13: VL- 171, CD4 404, 26%
4/10/13: VL- 96, CD4 397, 27%
5/8/13: VL- UD, CD4 422, 26%
6/5/13: VL- UD, CD4 462, 31%
7/24/13: VL- UD, CD4 559, 33%

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." -A. Einstein

Offline Jmarksto

  • Member
  • Posts: 533
Re: A different future
« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2013, 02:08:25 PM »
Hey Balls; 

Sorry that you need to be here, but welcome.

Your post is quite coherent - we all have a different story, relate to our diagnosis in a different way, and tell the story in our own way. I was diagnosed in June, so it is still pretty new for me too - I have had more of an emotional roller coaster than a backlog.  Again, we all process differently.

It sounds like you have a number of good things in your life - your able to make healthy decisions about partying relative to your responsibilities, your CD4s are up, you have a career, and a support system.  I am sorry that the one person you want isn't there for you, which may or may not have to do with being poz. The best news is that your health is much better.

Again welcome and I wish you well,

JM

03/15/12 Negative
06/15/12 Positive
07/11/12 CD4 790          VL 4,000
08/06/12 CD4 816/38%   VL 49,300
08/20/12 Started Complera
11/06/12 CD4   819/41% VL 38
02/11/13 CD4   935/41% VL UD
06/06/13 CD4   816/41% VL UD
10/28/13 CD4 1131/45%  VL 25
02/25/14 CD4   792/37%  VL UD
07/09/14 CD4 1004/39%   VL UD
11/03/14 CD4   711/34%   VL UD

Offline _dave_

  • Member
  • Posts: 18
Re: A different future
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2013, 02:58:26 PM »
Hello Balls!!

Thanks for sharing your story and welcome to the club! You're not alone.

Also , its a VERY good news that your CD4 went up so fast! That means that your treatment is working properly on you.

We have to understand that we are lucky to have the chance of being treated. Dont forget there are many people out there that  is HIV positive and probably will never get access to a medical treatment and will end up the worst way. So, in respecto to all those who would love to get medication and can not, we have to take our treatment seriously and do every step our doctors tell us to .

When I was diagnosed HIV positive, I was also depressed. But then I thought " Hey, I dont have any other thing to worry about. I already have this virus and the only thing I have to do is take the medicine as instructed by my doctor and everything will be ok ".

 I dont know YOU, but I've been always afraid of getting HIV from random people that I had sex with. I was always thinking and thinking things over and over again. But now, since I already have HIV its like I dont have to think about all that again.

Being HIV positive in 2013 is not the same as being HIV positive in the early 80s. If you were diagnosed positive in the 80s you would just have to wait for that final day.  Things have changed for  good , people are still scare, there is a lot of ignorance out there but hopefully you re not alone !

Offline mobileballs

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: A different future
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2013, 10:33:39 AM »
You guys are great.

positivelynerd - I do feel better!

I feel like it is easier to explain more about my life now.  For the past 7 years I have worked my way up in the Entertainment industry and making about 45K a year.  Not bad money but like most thing in entertainment all my jobs were contract based, highly stressful and no insurance.  When I was diagnosis, I was at the point where I couldn't walk up the subway stairs without stopping halfway to catch my breath, My liver was not working at all and the other things I posted.  Even though I never technically had a opportunistic infection, I was still able to get a lot of things to help me out financially.  I stopped working right after my contract was up and probably slept for about a month straight as I was going to multiple doctors and taking so much medicine. 

Now here is where the emotional part is kicking in and it isn't all about the HIV diagnoses.  I have applied to Medicaid and HASA (to help with rent) and I am currently on ADAP.  I am still weak and feel like I need a nap every six hour.  I really shouldn't be upset about getting assistance but I am scared about going back to work.  The job I do requires about 14 hours a day of work (I really don't know how I survived).

What concerns me a little about the Medicaid and HASA is the dependence.  Why go back to work when I can just be on assistance.  I know I am still very weak and I have been doing subcontract work from my home, but I am scared of losing my independence.  I hope this doesn't sound whiny - I know I am getting better and I need the help.

In terms of the guy I want in me life - You guys are so right about him.  I am wasting the good feelings and energy my friends are giving me on someone who doesn't even call to check in on me.  I have never been codependent with anyone but with him, it makes me crazy that he doesn't even text me.  Good riddance.

The second part of the emotional is the actual HIV.  I never really processed anything because I was so sick but now I am dealing with it and was able to get into a newly diagnosed group as well as counseling.  I feel like I have always been a pretty well balanced person who just is a little unorthodox.

I am still trying to find a balance which I never truly had.  I am alive and that is what is important.

Balls

I used to be an adventurer like you but then I took an arrow to the knee.

Offline positivelynerd

  • Member
  • Posts: 33
  • Life isn't a struggle, it's a wiggle.
Re: A different future
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2013, 05:47:44 PM »
Balls,

I completely sympathize with your fear of not wanting to become dependent.  I'm in a similar boat.  I'm a grad student and completely reliant on state education grants and student loans.  When my ARS set in, I was luckily on summer break and useless.  I can't believe you worked through it!  It sounds like you really don't want to become dependent on outside help, and with that mentality, I don't think you will.  You've already been able to work through some of the worst of it.  Now that you're on meds, your health will continually improve.  You said that after you stopped partying, it took your body 4 months to feel normal again.  Thinking of it that way, your body has been going through just as much (if not more) changes as that withdrawal and you're only a few months in from your diagnosis.  Be patient and give yourself time.  The social safety net is there for a reason.

And this guy (sorry to bring it back, but these kinds of relationships really are the hardest to deal with, it seems our emotions won't listen to our rational mind), seems as if he maybe has a good deal of fear in his own heart.  Pushing you away is his way of dealing with your diagnosis?  Shitty I know, but not all of us are as strong.  It takes a good deal of strength to do what you've done.  To post here, seeking therapy and group counseling (I'm still working on that last one myself) take an incredible amount of strength, willpower, and determination to become a better person. 

And you have processed a lot of your diagnosis.  You suspected infection, sought confirmation, and then medical help.  Don't undermine those important steps, not everyone gets that far.

Glad you're doing better, best of luck and health.

-Nerd
5/25/12 Seroconversion
9/25/12 Diagnosed
10/12/12: VL- 799k, CD4 285
10/25/12 VL- 599k, CD4 274 
Started Sustiva + Epzicom
11/8/12: VL- 1790, CD4 412, 24%,
11/20/12: VL- 1470, CD4 350, 28%
12/19/12: VL- 584, CD4 293, 24%
1/16/13: VL- 411, CD4 404, 27%
2/13/13: VL- 314, CD4 523, 20%
3/13/13: VL- 171, CD4 404, 26%
4/10/13: VL- 96, CD4 397, 27%
5/8/13: VL- UD, CD4 422, 26%
6/5/13: VL- UD, CD4 462, 31%
7/24/13: VL- UD, CD4 559, 33%

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." -A. Einstein

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,084
Re: A different future
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2013, 11:59:52 PM »
Balls, just wanted to say hello and wish you all the best. 

I have a friend, who works on various reality TV shows and other programs.  He loves it, but from what I understand, it is all short-term contract work with no benefits.  I thought the film and TV industry was providing healthcare for just about everyone working.  I know actors get a SAG card, and they get benefits.  I've read writers and producers have something similar.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: A different future
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2013, 07:42:27 AM »

When my ARS set in, I was luckily on summer break and useless.  I can't believe you worked through it!


Nerd, what Balls describes isn't ARS - it's the result of years of untreated hiv. It can creep up on you slowly like it did with Balls, and sometimes it happens quickly - ie feeling fine one day and collapsing due to something like PCP and ending up in hospital the next. The rest of what you said was spot-on though. :)



Balls, concentrate on getting better and don't worry about being on benefits for the time being. Take this time of relative financial stability to figure out how you're going to get by once you're well and strong enough to go back to work full-time. It may entail making some changes, but you're still young and you seem to have more than a handful of working brain cells, ( ;) ) so I'm sure you'll figure something out.

If you haven't already, you should request that you're also tested for hep B and hep C due to your wild and crazy drug days, particularly if you've ever (even once) injected. Sharing straws to snort drugs has been implicated in hep C transmission, so keep that in mind as well. Better to test and rule this stuff out than have it bite you in the ass at a later date.

You seem to have a pretty good grip on things so far, so keep up the good work.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline mobileballs

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: A different future
« Reply #8 on: January 08, 2013, 08:43:46 AM »
Nerd, what Balls describes isn't ARS - it's the result of years of untreated hiv. It can creep up on you slowly like it did with Balls, and sometimes it happens quickly - ie feeling fine one day and collapsing due to something like PCP and ending up in hospital the next. The rest of what you said was spot-on though. :)

Ann you hit it right on the head.  My doctor said that I most likely have had HIV for 10 years.  When I first found out they did blood work for all STI's and they all came back negative except for herpes-1 (but that is the cold sores I have always had).  That is something to be super thankful for.

I have been reading and rereading what I have written and what everyone has posted.  I am so glad I posted, I am realizing that I am on the right path and the help is there for me because I can't cope alone (even though I want to).

I have a friend, who works on various reality TV shows and other programs.  He loves it, but from what I understand, it is all short-term contract work with no benefits.  I thought the film and TV industry was providing healthcare for just about everyone working.  I know actors get a SAG card, and they get benefits.  I've read writers and producers have something similar.

Yes it is true if you are a Union person - there are benefits.  Producers don't generally get insurance unless they are staff at the production company which isn't always the case.  Reality is infamous for being cheap and mostly run Non-Union.

In order to get benefits from SAG you need to be working a lot.  Being an actor sucks if you don't have steady work - there are only so many TV shows.

I was lucky to be apart of many long running projects so my networks are really strong and I know I will be able to go back and pick up where I left off.  I have never been good at negotiating pay but the silver lining is now I have a huge reason to ask for more money when I do return and pay for my own insurance.
I used to be an adventurer like you but then I took an arrow to the knee.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: A different future
« Reply #9 on: January 08, 2013, 09:37:00 AM »
Balls, some doctors don't think of hep C as an STI, so please make sure you've been tested. Any hiv positive person should be tested for it as a matter of routine, but it's surprising how many doctors overlook it. It's best to know one way or another, so don't forget to ask.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline mobileballs

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: A different future
« Reply #10 on: January 09, 2013, 04:24:41 PM »
Good news.

I talked to my doctor and we did do all the tests for Hep A,B & C.  It gave me the motivation to start organizing all my medical paperwork which I have been putting off for awhile.  Next up a pretty spread sheet.

My viral load was 3,000,000+ when I first started my treatment in September.  It is now 1625.

Different future but not so bad.  ;D
« Last Edit: January 09, 2013, 04:42:07 PM by mobileballs »
I used to be an adventurer like you but then I took an arrow to the knee.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: A different future
« Reply #11 on: January 10, 2013, 08:05:42 AM »
Good news indeed!
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,244
  • Ninja Please
Re: A different future
« Reply #12 on: January 11, 2013, 06:27:31 AM »
Good news.

I talked to my doctor and we did do all the tests for Hep A,B & C.  It gave me the motivation to start organizing all my medical paperwork which I have been putting off for awhile.  Next up a pretty spread sheet.

My viral load was 3,000,000+ when I first started my treatment in September.  It is now 1625.

Different future but not so bad.  ;D

Yay!

So are you going to harden the fuck up and start posting in Living With HIV or will you stay here in IJTP with _dave_ and the rest of the cowards?

Life awaits on the Other Side!

MtD

Offline mobileballs

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: A different future
« Reply #13 on: January 11, 2013, 09:36:43 AM »
Well since I am living with HIV...what do you think?  Also, I am a little confused about your post.  Are you trying to be funny? Because it sounds mean.
I used to be an adventurer like you but then I took an arrow to the knee.

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,745
Re: A different future
« Reply #14 on: January 11, 2013, 09:57:04 AM »
Well since I am living with HIV...what do you think?  Also, I am a little confused about your post.  Are you trying to be funny? Because it sounds mean.

Once you come to the other side, you'll discover that was actually his polite and caring side. :o

Take care and best wishes.

Wolfie
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: A different future
« Reply #15 on: January 11, 2013, 01:36:09 PM »
Well since I am living with HIV...what do you think?  Also, I am a little confused about your post.  Are you trying to be funny? Because it sounds mean.

a cursory search for Matty The Damned on this forum will illuminate you. He not only doffed his hat, he practically kissed your ring.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline texaninnyc87

  • Member
  • Posts: 247
Re: A different future
« Reply #16 on: January 11, 2013, 03:14:30 PM »
yes, you will soon learn that, though these forums can be extremely helpful and full of kind and supportive people, there are a ton of bitchy catty queens who love to make other people feel stupid and shitty. i guess its the way of the gays. i wish there was some kind of moderation in here to keep things more positive (no pun intended) but I guess we'll just have to learn to put up with it. gays will be gays.
Dxd: 9/11/12
Blot confirmed: 11/12
12/12 cd4: 280 (20%) vl: 129,000
1/13 $tribild
2/13 cd4: 350 (26%) vl: 80
4/13 cd4: 510 (29%) vl:: 35
6/13cd4 350 (31%) vl: 21
9/13 cd4 492 (30%) vl: ud
12/13 cd4 846 (36%) vl: 100
1/14 cd4 480 (31%) vl: UD
3/14 cd4 650 (33%) vl: UD
6/14 cd4 410 (35%) vl: UD
9/14 cd4 439 (38%) vl: UD
12/14 cd4 551 (37%) vl: UD

Offline Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 13,253
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: A different future
« Reply #17 on: January 11, 2013, 03:50:20 PM »
yes, you will soon learn that, though these forums can be extremely helpful and full of kind and supportive people, there are a ton of bitchy catty queens who love to make other people feel stupid and shitty. i guess its the way of the gays. i wish there was some kind of moderation in here to keep things more positive (no pun intended) but I guess we'll just have to learn to put up with it. gays will be gays.

Oh please ... once you get used to using the forum you will pissed when you log in and the more colorful people have withheld all the fun sage advice . I think they should put these forum fluffers on the payroll as a matter of fact  ;) .

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,877
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: A different future
« Reply #18 on: January 11, 2013, 04:27:01 PM »
Hey Mobile,

I can empathize with the loss of health and having to go on some form of assistance, however, these programs are the ones you have paid taxes for and they are there when we need them.  There is never any shame in admitting that some problems in life are simply too big for us to face alone.  Having HIV is one of those problems.  Having major health problems due to HIV infection is a big one.

I wish I had an easy answer, but I don't.  Right now, you need time to process all that is happening, time to feel, react and then start all over again.  Finding out you are poz is a major life event and the sooner you can accept that fact, the sooner you will adjust to being poz.  I say "adjust" because that's all any of us can do.  It doesn't mean that we go willingly, but HIV doesn't care about anything, and if we intend to stay alive, then adjust we must.

What this adjustment involves is being kind to yourself and that begins by allowing yourself to feel, whatever it is you feel, without the need to do anything about any of it.  Your thoughts will fleet from place to place, so just go with them and see where they take you.  Have belief in yourself and your ability to control your own life and realize that bad things happen to good people.

Try to avoid being too hard on yourself and remember that a loss of health does not discount who you are... it means you are sick and since you do control your life, you are treating your infection.  I tend to look on the bright side of things, not because I don't realize my challenges, but rather because I can't change the challenges, but I can control how I confront them.  The decision is almost always mine, and trust me, you will find that you possess more intestinal fortitude than even you imagine.

I think you are making an incredible transition and I invite you to come to the adult table over in the Living With forum.  I promise we don't bite... or at least not too hard and usually only when you need it.

Welcome to the forums.

Joe

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,877
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: A different future
« Reply #19 on: January 11, 2013, 04:44:28 PM »
yes, you will soon learn that, though these forums can be extremely helpful and full of kind and supportive people, there are a ton of bitchy catty queens who love to make other people feel stupid and shitty. i guess its the way of the gays. i wish there was some kind of moderation in here to keep things more positive (no pun intended) but I guess we'll just have to learn to put up with it. gays will be gays.

I'm not sure, that you could have included more broad brush insults, or stereotypical rantings if you had tried.

"Bitchy Catty Queens..."

"The way of the gays..."

"Gays will be gays..."

If you don't have anything constructive to add to a thread, why not just keep silent.  I'm tired of folks like you, who don't have a clue as to the people that populate these boards.  Name calling is the language of someone who has nothing of any merit to say.  You don't have a clue as to who resides here and with your attitude, you'll never find one.

What's that I hear???  Is it the sound of a truncheon?

Joe

my apologies to the OP (Original Poster) for the hijack.
 

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: A different future
« Reply #20 on: January 11, 2013, 06:25:41 PM »
yes, you will soon learn that, though these forums can be extremely helpful and full of kind and supportive people, there are a ton of bitchy catty queens who love to make other people feel stupid and shitty. i guess its the way of the gays. i wish there was some kind of moderation in here to keep things more positive (no pun intended) but I guess we'll just have to learn to put up with it. gays will be gays.

Well, guess what Tex, there IS "some kind of moderation in here" and you're the one being moderated - ie warned about your flame-baiting, name-calling, gay-slur-filled post.

Do it again and you'll earn yourself a Time Out. While we permit a free and frank discussion around here, we DO NOT permit name-calling or homophobic talk, even if the speaker is gay himself.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline texaninnyc87

  • Member
  • Posts: 247
Re: A different future
« Reply #21 on: January 11, 2013, 07:09:28 PM »
Didn't mean to offend anyone, was mostly trying to comment on the lack of support among gay people when speaking to others who are dealing with the same issues that they themselves have faced at one point.. I think its a huge problem in the gay community in general and would have hoped not to encounter that kind of attitude in a place like this. A place where people are scared and looking for help. I feel that I was pointing out the stereotypes that others are perpetuating on these boards. I was trying to help the OP by informing him that not everyone on these boards is like this, so I feel that I was contributing. I'll be more mindful of my wording from now on, but I still think its wrong for someone who is scared and confused to be met with hostile, sarcastic, responses in these forums. Like i said in my post, most people here are great, supportive, and helpful i just dont see the need for all the cattiness. Sorry again if i've offended anyone with my language.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2013, 07:37:10 PM by texaninnyc87 »
Dxd: 9/11/12
Blot confirmed: 11/12
12/12 cd4: 280 (20%) vl: 129,000
1/13 $tribild
2/13 cd4: 350 (26%) vl: 80
4/13 cd4: 510 (29%) vl:: 35
6/13cd4 350 (31%) vl: 21
9/13 cd4 492 (30%) vl: ud
12/13 cd4 846 (36%) vl: 100
1/14 cd4 480 (31%) vl: UD
3/14 cd4 650 (33%) vl: UD
6/14 cd4 410 (35%) vl: UD
9/14 cd4 439 (38%) vl: UD
12/14 cd4 551 (37%) vl: UD

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,877
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: A different future
« Reply #22 on: January 11, 2013, 07:57:55 PM »
Didn't mean to offend anyone, was mostly trying to comment on the lack of support among gay people when speaking to others who are dealing with the same issues that they themselves have faced at one point.. I think its a huge problem in the gay community in general and would have hoped not to encounter that kind of attitude in a place like this. A place where people are scared and looking for help. I feel that I was pointing out the stereotypes that others are perpetuating on these boards. I was trying to help the OP by informing him that not everyone on these boards is like this, so I feel that I was contributing. I'll be more mindful of my wording from now on, but I still think its wrong for someone who is scared and confused to be met with hostile, sarcastic, responses in these forums. Like i said in my post, most people here are great, supportive, and helpful i just dont see the need for all the cattiness. Sorry again if i've offended anyone with my language.

Nice non-apology apology, but I call BS on your entire response.  The OP has received nothing but supportive feedback in this thread, so exactly who are you warning him about?  Just because there are mean gay folks, doesn't mean it's typical here and that's exactly what you are implying.  That the gay community is somehow more troubled that society in general?  Or that there are actually folks here who take delight in tormenting folks with HIV.

The only person promoting stereotypes here is you.

As I said, you don't have a clue.  What you said initially was bad enough, your non-apology is pitiful.

Joe

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: A different future
« Reply #23 on: January 11, 2013, 08:30:21 PM »
You have not offended me with your language.

You have offended me with your false conclusion about one - probably more - of the most respected, most knowledgeable person (s) on this forum.

If you require your experience with HIV to be handled with kid gloves, I suspect you've stumbled across one of the worst diseases for your constitution.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline NY2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 141
Re: A different future
« Reply #24 on: January 12, 2013, 08:24:06 AM »
we should all consider reigning it in for the sake of a new member. I've come to learn that on the surface, matty the damned and some of the other guys seem harsh, bitter and indignant at first (though no more indignant than responses on any given political blogpost), but I've read a few posts where he and some others have given some sage advice and offered real support when it's needed.  I kind of like his practical approach, leaving the gooey, feel-good stuff up on the shelf. I do, however, think that sometimes it's "too soon" for some.  Mobileballs, you've got the medicine, the support and the ability to fight this.  Some less fortunate people in other areas of the world don't have the options you've been given. It may be helpful to think of it as a blessing that you have these tools, and that you've caught it early enough to change its course.  It's a different life, possibly with medical challenges you never expected or asked for, or maybe not, but it seems to me that with this virus, you get out of it what you put into it.  If you stay on top of your meds, your lab results, your overall health, and adopt a healthy lifestyle while you segue into a different set of priorities, then you've got a good chance.  The proof is in the lab results that you're making a good rebound.  Rise to the challenge and keep it up.

All the best.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2013, 08:25:57 AM by NY2011 »
10/26/2011 - SEROCONVERSION (hi fever+rash)
10/31/2011 - CD4= 154  VL>500,000 
10/31/2011 - started on Truvada+Prezista+Norvir
12/14/2011 - CD4= 750 VL=6412 (45%)
01/27/2012 - switched to Atripla
04/23/2012 - CD4=1,221 VL= 140  (47%)
06/22/2012 - CD4=1,224 VL= ud    (49%)
12/18/2012 - CD4=1,031 VL= ud    (51%)
09/16/2013 - CD4=1,151 VL= ud   ( 49%)
03/26/2014 - CD4=1,050 VL= ud
11/25/2014 - CD4=1,335 VL= ud

Offline mobileballs

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: A different future
« Reply #25 on: January 12, 2013, 08:25:55 AM »
Oh man. I am sorry guys. I feel like I started something negative.  Anyway, as soon as I posted yesterday, I started reading some of Matty the Damned's contributions and saw his personality pretty quickly. Matty thanks for "kissing my ring".

I am off to the Adult table. :]
I used to be an adventurer like you but then I took an arrow to the knee.

Offline Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 13,253
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: A different future
« Reply #26 on: January 12, 2013, 08:34:36 AM »
Oh man. I am sorry guys. I feel like I started something negative.  Anyway, as soon as I posted yesterday, I started reading some of Matty the Damned's contributions and saw his personality pretty quickly. Matty thanks for "kissing my ring".

I am off to the Adult table. :]

That's the spirit ! ... When I was new to the forum it took me a while to realize that people didn't check they're personality's at the door when they dropped in .

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: A different future
« Reply #27 on: January 12, 2013, 08:53:05 AM »
Oh man. I am sorry guys. I feel like I started something negative.  Anyway, as soon as I posted yesterday, I started reading some of Matty the Damned's contributions and saw his personality pretty quickly. Matty thanks for "kissing my ring".

I am off to the Adult table. :]


Balls, there's absolutely no reason for you to apologise. You're good to go. :)
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,745
Re: A different future
« Reply #28 on: January 12, 2013, 09:51:05 AM »
Didn't mean to offend anyone, was mostly trying to comment on the lack of support among gay people when speaking to others who are dealing with the same issues that they themselves have faced at one point.. I think its a huge problem in the gay community in general and would have hoped not to encounter that kind of attitude in a place like this. A place where people are scared and looking for help. I feel that I was pointing out the stereotypes that others are perpetuating on these boards. I was trying to help the OP by informing him that not everyone on these boards is like this, so I feel that I was contributing. I'll be more mindful of my wording from now on, but I still think its wrong for someone who is scared and confused to be met with hostile, sarcastic, responses in these forums. Like i said in my post, most people here are great, supportive, and helpful i just don't see the need for all the cattiness. Sorry again if I've offended anyone with my language.

I, and I suspect many others, aren't offended by your language.  We just don't understand your claims of lack of support within the gay community.  And the sweeping broad claims of being bitchy queens?  I for one, owe this community a debt of gratitude that can only be repaid by continuing to support others the best I can.  I can't help but think of the skeletal shells of once vibrant, loving friends whom I watched fitfully passing out of this life.  Telling them how much I loved them and that it was OK to move on.  All the while knowing that my turn was coming.

I can completely understand that it's difficult to understand the nuances of peoples' personalities here without the benefit of knowing them in person.  I had that difficult adjustment myself at first.  I had never participated in these types of forums and I really didn't comprehend peoples' actions.  That didn't mean either one of us was wrong, just different.  We all bring individual life experiences here.  Just like in real life, there were some I immediately adored and others I found rude and offensive.  I soon discovered that it was better to try to understand their mindsets instead of constantly having pissing matches.

Someone here once told me to grow a pair and it was a great piece of advice.  Since my typical MO is to be a mellow, non-confrontational person, it was a difficult but necessary adjustment.  The secret is implementing that change without acquiring a "timeout".   ;D

That being said, I hope you can look past the facades and external personalities and try to understand where all the members here come from. 

Wolfie
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline texaninnyc87

  • Member
  • Posts: 247
Re: A different future
« Reply #29 on: January 12, 2013, 11:17:09 AM »
Thanks for understanding. Sometimes humor and irony dont translate so well online and i guess thats just something i need to consider more when reading posts on here. After all, if everyone here had the same POV these boards wouldn't be very interesting!  :P
Dxd: 9/11/12
Blot confirmed: 11/12
12/12 cd4: 280 (20%) vl: 129,000
1/13 $tribild
2/13 cd4: 350 (26%) vl: 80
4/13 cd4: 510 (29%) vl:: 35
6/13cd4 350 (31%) vl: 21
9/13 cd4 492 (30%) vl: ud
12/13 cd4 846 (36%) vl: 100
1/14 cd4 480 (31%) vl: UD
3/14 cd4 650 (33%) vl: UD
6/14 cd4 410 (35%) vl: UD
9/14 cd4 439 (38%) vl: UD
12/14 cd4 551 (37%) vl: UD

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,877
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: A different future
« Reply #30 on: January 12, 2013, 01:41:25 PM »
Thanks for understanding. Sometimes humor and irony dont translate so well online and i guess thats just something i need to consider more when reading posts on here. After all, if everyone here had the same POV these boards wouldn't be very interesting!  :P

Hey Tex,

Thanks for your understanding as well.  My issue was not so much as what you said, but rather what you implied.  If we stick to discussing the topics and skip the personal attacks, it seems to be more conducive to providing the support we have to offer.  It takes a big person to acknowledge when they make a mistake.

I think you just got your first clue.   8)

Joe

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.