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A different future

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positivelynerd:
Balls,

I completely sympathize with your fear of not wanting to become dependent.  I'm in a similar boat.  I'm a grad student and completely reliant on state education grants and student loans.  When my ARS set in, I was luckily on summer break and useless.  I can't believe you worked through it!  It sounds like you really don't want to become dependent on outside help, and with that mentality, I don't think you will.  You've already been able to work through some of the worst of it.  Now that you're on meds, your health will continually improve.  You said that after you stopped partying, it took your body 4 months to feel normal again.  Thinking of it that way, your body has been going through just as much (if not more) changes as that withdrawal and you're only a few months in from your diagnosis.  Be patient and give yourself time.  The social safety net is there for a reason.

And this guy (sorry to bring it back, but these kinds of relationships really are the hardest to deal with, it seems our emotions won't listen to our rational mind), seems as if he maybe has a good deal of fear in his own heart.  Pushing you away is his way of dealing with your diagnosis?  Shitty I know, but not all of us are as strong.  It takes a good deal of strength to do what you've done.  To post here, seeking therapy and group counseling (I'm still working on that last one myself) take an incredible amount of strength, willpower, and determination to become a better person. 

And you have processed a lot of your diagnosis.  You suspected infection, sought confirmation, and then medical help.  Don't undermine those important steps, not everyone gets that far.

Glad you're doing better, best of luck and health.

-Nerd

tednlou2:
Balls, just wanted to say hello and wish you all the best. 

I have a friend, who works on various reality TV shows and other programs.  He loves it, but from what I understand, it is all short-term contract work with no benefits.  I thought the film and TV industry was providing healthcare for just about everyone working.  I know actors get a SAG card, and they get benefits.  I've read writers and producers have something similar.

Ann:

--- Quote from: positivelynerd on January 07, 2013, 05:47:44 PM ---
When my ARS set in, I was luckily on summer break and useless.  I can't believe you worked through it!


--- End quote ---

Nerd, what Balls describes isn't ARS - it's the result of years of untreated hiv. It can creep up on you slowly like it did with Balls, and sometimes it happens quickly - ie feeling fine one day and collapsing due to something like PCP and ending up in hospital the next. The rest of what you said was spot-on though. :)



Balls, concentrate on getting better and don't worry about being on benefits for the time being. Take this time of relative financial stability to figure out how you're going to get by once you're well and strong enough to go back to work full-time. It may entail making some changes, but you're still young and you seem to have more than a handful of working brain cells, ( ;) ) so I'm sure you'll figure something out.

If you haven't already, you should request that you're also tested for hep B and hep C due to your wild and crazy drug days, particularly if you've ever (even once) injected. Sharing straws to snort drugs has been implicated in hep C transmission, so keep that in mind as well. Better to test and rule this stuff out than have it bite you in the ass at a later date.

You seem to have a pretty good grip on things so far, so keep up the good work.

mobileballs:

--- Quote from: Ann on January 08, 2013, 07:42:27 AM ---Nerd, what Balls describes isn't ARS - it's the result of years of untreated hiv. It can creep up on you slowly like it did with Balls, and sometimes it happens quickly - ie feeling fine one day and collapsing due to something like PCP and ending up in hospital the next. The rest of what you said was spot-on though. :)

--- End quote ---

Ann you hit it right on the head.  My doctor said that I most likely have had HIV for 10 years.  When I first found out they did blood work for all STI's and they all came back negative except for herpes-1 (but that is the cold sores I have always had).  That is something to be super thankful for.

I have been reading and rereading what I have written and what everyone has posted.  I am so glad I posted, I am realizing that I am on the right path and the help is there for me because I can't cope alone (even though I want to).


--- Quote from: tednlou2 on January 07, 2013, 11:59:52 PM ---I have a friend, who works on various reality TV shows and other programs.  He loves it, but from what I understand, it is all short-term contract work with no benefits.  I thought the film and TV industry was providing healthcare for just about everyone working.  I know actors get a SAG card, and they get benefits.  I've read writers and producers have something similar.

--- End quote ---

Yes it is true if you are a Union person - there are benefits.  Producers don't generally get insurance unless they are staff at the production company which isn't always the case.  Reality is infamous for being cheap and mostly run Non-Union.

In order to get benefits from SAG you need to be working a lot.  Being an actor sucks if you don't have steady work - there are only so many TV shows.

I was lucky to be apart of many long running projects so my networks are really strong and I know I will be able to go back and pick up where I left off.  I have never been good at negotiating pay but the silver lining is now I have a huge reason to ask for more money when I do return and pay for my own insurance.

Ann:
Balls, some doctors don't think of hep C as an STI, so please make sure you've been tested. Any hiv positive person should be tested for it as a matter of routine, but it's surprising how many doctors overlook it. It's best to know one way or another, so don't forget to ask.

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