HIV Transmission and Testing > Am I Infected?

Top insertive with condom break with rimming and kissing.

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worriedinFL:
Well here I go. A few days ago I went to a gay  club and had quite a few drinks. I did at one point in the night find a guy in the club that I persued. Him and I talked for a few mins then I did the dumbest thing in my life. I told him that we should go back to his place. So we did. We went back to his place and then began to go at it. I know that I was feeling good (alcohol wise) and I told him that I wanted my dick sucked. He did begin to suck my dick and then he asked me to have sex with him. The craziest thing is that I had never met this guy before in my life. Im not sure why I agreed to have sex with him but I did. He sucked me for a few mins, then we involved to sex. I know that I asked him for condoms and he did provide them to me. I put one on and had sex with him for at least a few mins. I then took withdrew from him and ejaculated in his mouth. (Again, im not sure what I was thinking). We then began to kiss and make out. A little later we he began rimming me for at least 5 -10 mins. He then wanted me to have sex with him again. I did, and in fact had sex with him at least three times total. After the second time having sex at one point i looked down and saw my condom had broke. I got a new condom and put it on and continued having sex with him. After the second time having sex i again pulled out and again ejaculated in his mouth. Finally i know i had sex with him a third time and then came on his mouth. Throughout the sex ( me toping the whole time) I know he rimmed me at least twice. The thing I am the most worried about is that I never knew the guy and I asked him if he was clean and he kept saying yes. However, the thing i found out after cumming in his mouth the second time was that he was doing poppers. I ended up leaving after the third time cumming and again asked him if he was clean and he "Said" yes. I know that this was a horrible decision and I still am shocked and very nervous about what I did. That morning after I left his home I got back to my house to find my uvula swollen. It stayed swollen for two days and then ended up getting a white ulcer sore look on it. I also have had coughs since that night and again I'm very nervous. I am worried about my chances of getting HIV after the condom broke, since i cant remember how long i was in him before it broke. I know that i didnt cum inside him though. Also, since i came in his mouth twice is that even more for me to be worried about since i ejaculated in his mouth. I also am not sure whether or not I should buy a self test kit from walgreens to see if I am positive. Im nervous, confused, and worried sick that I have ruined my life. Do you have any advice for my situation. I know I was wrong but im just hoping for some sort of hope. Thanks

Ann:
Worried,

The only hiv risk you had was when the condom broke. As the insertive partner, you're highly unlikely to end up hiv positive over this brief bare insertion.

While your risk is very much on the low end of the scale, you do need to test. The earliest you should test is at six weeks.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days. A six week or more negative must be confirmed at the three month point, but is highly unlikely to change.

Did you suck his dick at all? I only ask because of the sore on your uvula, not because of any hiv concern. If you sucked him you need to get your throat checked out for other STIs.

Getting your dick sucked is absolutely NOT a risk for hiv infection. Neither is rimming or being rimmed. Like I said, the ONLY risk you had was when the condom broke and that is a small risk.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence. A correctly used condom rarely breaks, so get reading.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

worriedinFL:
Ann,

Thank you so much for this information. You have no idea how worried I am. I have never done something this stupid before in my life. Not sure why I did but its never going to happen again. Your quick response has meant more than you can know. I have a few other brief questions.

First, to answer your question no i did not suck his dick at all. I might have touched his dick but thats about it.

As far as my questions here they are.

1) My throat swelling on my uvela has gone down but it is mild now. I had it checked out by my physican yesterday and they are sending me to an ear, nose, and throat docter on tuesday. I hope that it is nothing more than that.

2) I was going to buy one of the oralquick HIV tests from the store that say they give you results in 24 hours. I know you say six weeks but will this test give me any resolve? If not can i buy the oral test and take it at 22 or 23 days? If so how affective are those?

3) Since the guy i was with was using poppers does that increase my chances for potential HIV when the condom broke? Also since we both had been drinking does that matter for infection purposes?

4) I know that in my current job they test for STD's and HIV for free. If i get tested next week at least blood wise will they help for the STD's or even HIV? I would at least like to know that i didnt get any STD's from him but is that even possible to test in just one week.

5) I know I cant believe people when they tell you they are "clean" especially when they are drunk, but how often do actual HIV positive people tell you when they are? Also if they are positive does that give me huge chances more to get infected with the HIV?

6) The last question I think. Since i ejacuated in his mouth does that pose any threat to me? I know for sure I did it twice.

Overall, thank you so much for such a quick response. I have read over 100 posts on here from different people and I can tell you something nerves start to get going fast. All I can do now is pray that I didnt get this virus. I can tell you one thing for sure I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN. This is a great resource and I cant thank you enough.

-worried.....

Ann:
Worried,

1. Your throat issues have nothing to do with hiv. Keep working with your doctors to find out what, if anything is wrong.

2. 22 - 23 days isn't going to tell you anything - it's too early in the window period. Save your money and test at the appropriate time - six weeks. The new OraQuick tests now available in shops (and the Home Access tests) are the only in-home approved tests and yes, they are reliable. Remember that you still need to confirm a negative six week result at three months.

Alternatively, you could use the Health Services Directory to find a free, confidential testing center near you.

3. No and no. Despite some urban myths to the contrary, poppers have nothing to do with hiv in any way, shape or form. Other than impairing your judgement, alcohol has nothing to do with hiv either.

4. You can test for other STIs ten days to two weeks following a risk. There's no point in testing for hiv this early, unless you want to establish a base-line showing that you were hiv negative before this encounter. There are no short-cuts to hiv and STI testing. If you test too early, you may miss an infection.

Which reminds me - syphilis shares a three month testing window with hiv for a conclusive negative result. Primary syphilis chancres are painless, so unless you see it, you won't know it's there. Testing is the only way to know for sure. Other STIs often have no obvious symptoms as well and again, testing is the only way to know for sure.

5. People who are "clean" are people who shower regularly. When you use that term to describe someone's sexual health or hiv status, it implies that those of us who are hiv positive are dirty in some way and - it's insulting. Don't use that term here in that way again. Thank you.

You should assume anyone you have anal or vaginal intercourse with is hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly by using condoms. Serosorting (attempting to have relations only with people of the same hiv status of yourself) only works when you're hiv positive. Many people only assume they're hiv negative.

The majority of transmissions occur when the positive partner has no idea they're positive. And yes, some people will lie. Most poz folks (who know they're poz) want their virus to stop with them - the burden of knowing you infected someone else is just too heavy.

6. Getting a blowjob is NOT a risk for hiv infection, regardless of any details you can think of to add. Ejaculating does not increase your risk of being infected whether you're inside a mouth, ass or vagina. Ejaculation only matters when it is the positive person doing it.

Stop beating yourself up over this incident. You're highly unlikely to end up hiv positive because of it. Just make sure you're using condoms correctly from now on - because a correctly used condom rarely breaks.

Ann

worriedinFL:
Ann,

Once again thanks for the very detailed and informative responses. I want to apologize right off the bat for using the word clean when referring this hiv/ or aids. I guess I was just trying to tell you what the guy i slept with told me that was it. It wont happen again.

I guess I have a couple more questions if that is alright.

1) With the OraQuick tests that you take home if i took the test now since its only been a week would it make any difference? Also are there any tests you can buy to check STI's at home or should i just have that checked at a clinic as well?

2) Do you think I should try to contact the guy I slept with. I know where he lives since that is where we hooked up. Im just wondering whether or not I should go back there.

3) Since you said the majority of transmissions occur when the person doesn't know there positive that makes me ever more worried. If for some reason this guy thinks he is clean and really does have the virus does that make me even more succeptable to getting HIV because my condom broke at one time while we were having sex? I see that you said that the insertive top has less of a chance but still a chance.  If I would have cum inside him does that increase my chances, and also does there need to be blood that my dick comes into contact with or just fluids from his anus?

Again, your help has very much appreciated. Thanks for being such a valuable resource and again I apologize about my comment from above. This is all very new to me and Im really learning so much.

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