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Author Topic: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip  (Read 2900 times)

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Offline OrangeFighter

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Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« on: January 01, 2013, 01:08:37 PM »
Hi,

So posting to these forums kind of brings back old memories, as I remember being in this same old situation a little over five years ago. I don't feel like I am freaking out as bad as I did last time, but the situation is way worse.

I recently hooked up with a guy this past weekend, which is something I do not usually do, but thought I would try. I went to his place, walked in and he was already naked. As you could probably guess, we wasted no time getting down to business.

I am a top so I applied lube to my penis, and then a condom, and then I lubed him up as well. Usually I have to take it slow when topping someone, because it takes time for them to loosing up, but this guy was already SO loose it was almost like fucking a jar of mayonnaise. I know that sounds funny, but its true. So we start going at it, and I went in as deep as I could, to the point where most guys tell me to stop because it hurts so bad (I'm pretty big) but it didn't seem to phase him a single bit. We had sex for maybe about 20 minutes total, with me having withdrew several times to check the condom and re-apply lube to ensure that everything about the rubber was still intact properly. I went in one last time, and came inside of the condom, when he then requested me to keep going a little while longer so that he could get off too. I tried, but started to slowly loose my erection and shrink out of the condom as a result. He finally pulled off from being on top of me, and when I went to remove the condom it was gone. GONE! Omg I freaked. I immediately asked him if he was positive and he replied with almost no hesitation "Yes." He reached back to investigate what had happened to the condom, when he had informed me that it was hanging out of him. I took a sigh of relief at that point, thinking that there is no way I would have been exposed if the condom perhaps had just came off while he was pulling off, and that I NEVER re-insert my penis into anyone without examining the base of the rubber first.

Trying to be respectful of the situation, I politely excused myself to the restroom to take piss, even though I know that post sexual urination is not proven to prevent any kind of infection, anything would have made me feel better at this point. I washed my head, looked into the mirror, cursed at myself a bit,  and then he came to check on me. I said that I was fine, just a little shook up. I then went to throw away the condom, and after examining it I had noticed it was squeaky clean, I mean it had looked almost unused, no blood or fecal matter on it what soever, I mean this guy was totally LOOSE! He was also using poppers. I went back into the bathroom, flushed it, and then he came to check up on me, I said I was fine, not wanting to make things weird, I said my quick goodbye and left knowing that I had just signed myself up for a long bout of anxiety in a waiting period.

Weird thing is that he didn't get offended by my nervousness to his information. He texted me after and asked if I was O.K., which I thought was very courteous and thoughtful, but I took full advantage of the situation and bombarded him with every last question that I knew to ask. I first asked him how long he had been diagnosed for and he said he had just found out in October, and he has only been on medication for a month at this point. So my thinking is that he has a high viral load, which may have put me at more risk? And then I asked him a thousand times over and over, ARE YOU SURE that the condom was hanging out of your when you took it out, and he firmly replied yes each time, saying that had it slipped off during intercourse it would have been inside him from the thrusting, but it wasn't. He told me that tops are at less of risk, and that I am ok... He said that his VL count was at like 10 thousand or something, and that he is on meds everyday to drive it down.

I am so depressed because I just can not afford PEP, I just flat out don't have the money for it. So I called the local clinic, who uses a ClearView test, and they said that this test offers conclusive results after only 28 days of exposure. I then questions them about the 3 month rule I am always hearing, they said that this rule is a bit outdated and that the researchers at ClearView published their own guidelines stating that the test is more then 97 percent accurate after 28 days. I would love to believe this and not have to deal with it for an entire 3 months. Is the ClearView test truly that fast in detecting?

I keep telling myself in my own mind, that for sure the condom was there majority of the time, I am just bothered that I did not get to take it off myself, I mean, did I ever make any thursts without the condom on? As impossible as that seems I just keep thinking that it could have happened... Maybe this is the incendent that does me in. I am freaked out.

I've read on here about people have condom issues, and you guys say that you've not known of an insertive partner to test reactive after failure of the condom, but non of the stories I have read ever seem to reflect encounters with a confirmed positive, recently diagnosed individual, I only keep reading threads from hypochondriac straight men that have sex with CSWs, which I feel is very different because prostitutes probably practice safer sex then anyone.

How concerned should I be. A U.S. government website says that VL counts don't apply to semen, vaginal fluids and "anal secretions" because an undetectable load in the blood stream is different from that in sexual fluids. Well when it comes to anal secretions, what other could their possible be accept for blood and fecal matter, neither of which was present on the condom or my penis.

I know I am kind of all over the place here, I spirally into a deep deep deep depression here. I am thinking of just charging my entire credit card and buying PEP since it is still less then 48 hours post exposure. I just want to feel better mentally, and not cry like I have been.

Your responses would be great.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #1 on: January 01, 2013, 02:41:45 PM »
OK Orange, I will start right off by saying I expect you to come out of this ok. From what you have described I am not sure you actually had a risk. A condom slipping off as withdrawal happens is not that unusual. When that happens it means the head of your penis was covered the entire time. In my opinion I think that is what happened this time.

That might have been due to your having lubed yourself before applying the condom. Applying water-based lube is more important on the outside of the condom than it is to have on your penis within the condom. Lubing yourself can cause the condom to slip.

We're also talking about a single incident and one in which you were the insertive partner which does mean you would have been at a significantly lower level risk IF the condom slipped off during intercourse.

Putting all of that together leads me to expect you to test negative.

As for testing time we continue to stick with the CDC recommendation of testing for a conclusive negative at 3 months. However, a negative result at 6 weeks is a very strong indication that a negative at 3 months is very likely.

Whatever testing time you use I do expect you to come out of this ok. I also don't see PEP as needed in your situation so don't bother yourself about that at this point.

Good luck and keep us posted.
Andy Velez

Offline trinigirl

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #2 on: January 01, 2013, 04:31:46 PM »
Hi Orange.First of all, in my opinion, if this guy didn't tell you beforehand that he was HIV positive then I would be weary about trusting anything he says. He says the condom was hanging out but did you see it yourself? Just my opinion here but I would charge my credit card or beg, borrow and steal to get PEP, because I'd rather be broke and in debt for the rest of my life than to be sick for the rest of my life. I have a serious problem with the mods telling people they have had no risk. They cannot guarantee that. They can only speculate. You yourself are unsure about what happened, when the condom came off, how long you might have been exposed etc, so no one here can fill in the blanks for you. No one can guarantee that you were not at risk and NO ONE telling you you weren't is gonna take responsibility if you really did contract HIV even though they told you you couldn't possibly have. If you can still do PEP, do it. Better safe than sorry. Otherwise, make sure to get tested at the recommended time to know your status. This is the internet. Would you rather take he advice of a stranger whose credentials you cannot possibly prove over a qualified doctor? I wonder if Andy will even feel the slightest bit of guilt if you passed on PEP like he advised only to realize you did contract HIV....

This is just my opinion however as I do not claim to be an expert on the topic. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide and I wish you the best of health as well.

Offline OrangeFighter

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #3 on: January 01, 2013, 04:53:58 PM »
Oh my.... :(

Well Andy's opinion actually sounds similar to what most doctor's say. I think the moderators here are pretty well learned. And to be fair I did not ask his status. I assume that all people are positive, or I at least accept that they will lie so I just try to use condoms. No telling how many positive people I have been with in the past but never got infected because I wrapped it up. He told me the truth when I asked so I imagine that he is telling the truth about the condom as well. I investigate the base every-time I withdraw, and I never noticed the condom not being there before going back in, only when he pulled out the last time. I am pretty sure he was being honest, he even proactively texted me after I left his place to ensure that it never slipped off inside of him, which is something he didn't have to do.

Its just that I have seen people post on other parts of the site that they have been infected through 100% condom use anyway. I know that it probably pisses the mods off that I read through other parts of the site, but they are public sections so I figured I'd do my research. This guy wants to see me again, and I think he likes me; but I just can't. I don't want to feel judgmental. Do condoms protect me or not? Why do other people claim that they have always used protection but they got infected anyway.

Fear has now become an understatement.


« Last Edit: January 01, 2013, 05:01:41 PM by OrangeFighter »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2013, 05:00:11 PM »
Trini, if you had read the opening thread of this section you would know that only those who are authorized to do so can respond to member threads here. You do not have that authorization so don't do it again. Thanks for your cooperation.

You have also offered advice that is way out of line with the facts of the situation as reported by Orange. That's one of the reasons we have the rule that only those authorized to do so may respond here.
« Last Edit: January 01, 2013, 05:01:51 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline OrangeFighter

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #5 on: January 01, 2013, 05:06:40 PM »
Andy all I read on this site are mostly straight men who are afraid that they were infected from CSWs, which prostitutes probably practice safer sex more then anyone. That or I read about people questioning ridiculous situations that never involved intercourse, with someone who was never even confirmed positive.

My situation feels very real, the guy is confirmed positive, and we had sex. Some other people on the site claim that their infected partners contaminated them regardless of consistent condom use.

This guy is now interested in me. Please help, what do I say to him without being rude. What do I do. Am I going to be okay, yes I've been listening, yes I know to stay off of other parts of the site, but I feel like I am now dealing with the emotions of am HIV positive individual that I don't want to offend.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2013, 04:26:01 AM »
I am actually authorized to respond here, just to make that clear.

From what you report you had no risk. None.

You used a condom, which is admirable. It slipped off when you withdrew, which happens. You were never in any HIV danger, and I am sorry that the unauthorized poster traumatized you. My advice? See the guy again, and as often as you wish. If becoming flaccid before he gets off is an issue, then experiment with Viagra so that you can stay turgid for a few minutes after you orgasm.

I even if the exact same thing happens every time, you will not have had a risk for HIV.

Seriously. This was not an HIV issue, and won't be in the future. I've is not that easy to get and you are not in danger here.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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Offline Ann

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #7 on: January 02, 2013, 07:07:03 AM »
Orange,

I completely agree with Andy and JK - you slipped out of the condom as you withdrew and therefore had no risk.

You need to remember to hold on to the base of the condom ANY time you withdraw - but particularly when flaccid. Otherwise you're just setting yourself up for a load of unnecessary anxiety.

And contrary to what trinigirl had to say - we always encourage sexually active people to participate in regular testing regardless of condom usage.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline OrangeFighter

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #8 on: January 02, 2013, 01:55:22 PM »
Well,

I guess from what I understand, it is likely that the condom just slipped following intercourse, and definitely after I ejaculated.

Sigh, man this is no way to live.

Irrational fears of possibilities have overtaken my mind, and I pursued PEP as of last night. Expensive drug, like 1,300.00 without insurance, but they are filling it at the pharmacy now and I am just going to place the amount on my credit card.

The prescription reads these three drugs:

Sustiva, Epivir and Retrovir... Are those any good?

Slap me now and tell me I am overeating, because I have read horror stories about the side effects.

And one thing that I have read but hasn't been addressed are claims about infection from one person to another regardless of  consistent condom use. How concerned should I be about these testimonies?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #9 on: January 02, 2013, 02:01:07 PM »
We've already told you what we think including that PEP is unnecessary for you. We are not going to continue responding to every additional what if and concern you have. Basically you did not have a risk. If you chose to do PEP, it's unnecessary but that's your choice to make.

Remember that if you do PEP and want to test, the earliest you can test is 6 weeks after the completion of the PEP routine. And those drugs you listed are a standard form of PEP.
Andy Velez

Offline OrangeFighter

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #10 on: January 02, 2013, 10:58:30 PM »
Well I just called the guy and he said his VL is 10,000 as of his diagnosis in November and he has been on Truvada and 2 other pills since then. I think I'll forego the PEP, in exchange for a quicker route out of this horrible phase in my life. The next 3 months are going to fucking suck.

Offline OrangeFighter

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #11 on: January 02, 2013, 11:54:21 PM »
Actually, i gave in and just picked up my prescription. Here we go..... Ill sign on again in a few weeks or something.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #12 on: January 03, 2013, 12:49:26 AM »
Well I just called the guy and he said his VL is 10,000 as of his diagnosis in November and he has been on Truvada and 2 other pills since then. I think I'll forego the PEP, in exchange for a quicker route out of this horrible phase in my life. The next 3 months are going to fucking suck.

please don't threaten suicide again. we take that shit seriously and we will find you and send paramedics and police to make sure you are ok. The level of drama you choose to partake in is your business- but when you post it online it becomes our business, and I have seen enough death in my life not to fool around with that.

You do not need PEP. You do not need to have this drama. You really need to seek out a qualified therapist because there are issues here far deeper than your irrational fear of HIV.

Please get the help you need. We can give information - and we have. But the real help you clearly need is not something we can give.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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Offline OrangeFighter

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #13 on: January 03, 2013, 12:21:36 PM »
I didn't threaten suicide. What are you talking about. I am aware that if I forego PEP I will get a conclusive result quicker which is what I meant.

I'm concerned with the level of depth and understanding that the mods here are using to read what is being presented. Suicide? Wow. But no.

I am doing the PEP because my mind won't rest. That's all.

Offline Ann

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #14 on: January 04, 2013, 07:51:16 AM »

I'm concerned with the level of depth and understanding that the mods here are using to read what is being presented. Suicide? Wow. But no.


OF,

If you'd read as many suicide threats as we have here over the years, you probably would have read what you'd written as a thinly veiled suicide threat as well. Would you rather we weren't alert to such things?

Keep taking the PEP if you wish. I fully expect you will test hiv negative regardless.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline OrangeFighter

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Re: Sex with HIV+ Male, possible insertive condom slip
« Reply #15 on: January 06, 2013, 01:33:04 PM »
No, its great that you guys are concerned.

This PEP stuff is killer... and I don't think I can continue on. I have been completely derailed after only 3 doses of the medicine. It is the strongest stuff I have ever felt in my life.

I believe you all when you say that unprotected sex is the only way to transmit it in this situation, which didn't happen... but it frustrates me to find other users on this site who testify about having caught it regardless. Makes me feel like I can't be with anyone who is infected, like I never want to have sex again. I have decided that I don't want to see this guy, and now I feel so bad.

I guess I just need to wait 3 months, so that I can move on.

 


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