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Author Topic: Part 2 of my story. I thought it couldn't get worse but it has...  (Read 3476 times)

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Offline sidekick

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Hello everyone, and thanks for replying to my last post. I'm sorry for not coming on here more often. Just a few days after I posted about my hiv status, I lost yet another friend to a brain aneurism. He was only 30, he and his partner just adopted two beautiful kids two weeks prior to his death. My dear sweet friend was their for me when I got tested, went with me to all of my doctors appointments, etc. As my boyfriend isn't comfortable going with me to the doctors, I now go alone. To add insult to injury, a week after my friend passed I'd just moved into my new house just a few blocks away from where my late friend lived. He helped me pick it out. While goi g through boxes and unpacking I started finding evidence that my current boyfriend has also been cheating on me. In fact he's been doing it since we met almost 4 years ago. At this point I don't know what the hell to do, I'm so depressed with this mess. I just sold both of my cars so I can put the deposit on the lease for this house, and instead of buying anther vehicle I bought my boyfriend a big screen tv and new furniture for the house! I now drive his spare car to and from work. But after finding out about his cheating, the gay escorts, and twink boys it makes me sick and depressed. I snapped and went off on him, damn near killing us both while driving one day, then I got out the car and started walking. He cries and begs me not to leave him but I just want to leave, I want to gut the house, and leave his sorry butt. I told him last night if I hadn't sold my car I would have left, just up and loaded everything that I worked my ass off for to share with him and leave, so he and his little online rent-a-tricks can do their bidding. Now when I look in the mirror at all these ks spots on my body, and how I've lost so much weight, I get very depressed. Finding all the pictured and messages of his little muscle twinks it just makes me sick. Not only are all of my friends dead now, but the one person whom I thought I could turn to has stabbed me in the back. My doctor has told me that I need not to get depressed or down it will only make my health worse, but I don't know what else to do.
"Life's not the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away"

Offline texaninnyc87

  • Member
  • Posts: 236
Re: Part 2 of my story. I thought it couldn't get worse but it has...
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2012, 11:22:47 AM »
wait you have KS already? aren't you very recently diagnosed?
Dxd: 9/11/12
Blot confirmed: 11/12
12/12 cd4: 280 (20%) vl: 129,000
1/13 $tribild
2/13 cd4: 350 (26%) vl: 80
4/13 cd4: 510 (29%) vl:: 35
6/13cd4 350 (31%) vl: 21
9/13 cd4 492 (30%) vl: ud
12/13 cd4 846 (36%) vl: 100
1/14 cd4 480 (31%) vl: UD
3/14 cd4 650 (33%) vl: UD

Online Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 27,948
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Part 2 of my story. I thought it couldn't get worse but it has...
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2012, 12:08:05 PM »
wait you have KS already? aren't you very recently diagnosed?

If you read his first post, you'll see that he was very likely hiv positive for a long time before he tested and was diagnosed.

Sidekick, sorry to hear about your recent problems. I don't know what to say other than hang in there. Hopefully 2013 will be better.

Hugs,
Ann
xxx
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Jmarksto

  • Member
  • Posts: 397
Re: Part 2 of my story. I thought it couldn't get worse but it has...
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2012, 02:14:54 PM »
Hey Sidekick;

Wow, what a rough patch - I am sorry you are going through all of this. 

What strikes me most about your situation is that you have really lost your support network - and I know that having a good support network can really help in terms of processing loss and change.  So one question would be, what could you do to rebuild a support network?  In the abscense of friends and family, perhaps a counselor/therapist could help.

Anyway, I hope things get better for you,

JM
03/15/12 Negative
06/15/12 Positive
07/11/12 CD4 790          VL 4,000
08/06/12 CD4 816/38%   VL 49,300
08/20/12 Started Complera
11/06/12 CD4   819/41% VL 38
02/11/13 CD4   935/41% VL UD
06/06/13 CD4   816/41% VL UD
10/28/13 CD4 1131/45%  VL 25
02/25/14 CD4   792/37%  VL UD

Offline Anqueetas

  • Member
  • Posts: 115
Re: Part 2 of my story. I thought it couldn't get worse but it has...
« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2012, 10:28:14 AM »
Hang on there, I gone through the same thing. Not as harsh as you.

Found out that your BF was cheating on you, it was the same for me and he is the one that infected me with this. Now is roaming free whoring around clubs and bars Shamful!

Lost of friends : I tell my family, they are very supportive and I 'm glad I have such a wonderful parent. It is different story with my two whom I though was my best friends. The day I told them, they immediately went tested for HIV, that greatly offended me. Years gone by of harsh word curse homosexual and HIV positive people and yet they pretend to be my friend. They beat me up emotionally so badly than the Virus itself. almost two weeks ago I had enough of this and leave them. It was the best thing i did for myself in 2012. Now I have less stress and much more happier overall, I do have to endure their present but just another 2 months once a week before i graduate from university.


Have to disease is hard enough, so we done have to ensure those awful discriminating any mre than we have too. I learn it the hard way and from now on i would choose very carefully who to tell. Not any more.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2012, 10:30:00 AM by Anqueetas »
ARS, hospitalized for very high fever-July 2011
diagnosed HIV positive - October 16 2011
CD4 460 19.5% VL 49000 - late October 2011
CD4 625 19.5% VL 50030 - January 2012
CD4 369 19% VL 69000 - March 2012
Start Sustiva+ Truvada - April 17 2012
CD4 524 24.5% VL UD - August 22 2012
Switch to Nevirapine+Truvada
CD4 490 26% VL UD - November 2012
CD4 539 29% VL UD - February 2013
CD4 621 28% VL UD - May 2013

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 10,772
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Part 2 of my story. I thought it couldn't get worse but it has...
« Reply #5 on: December 30, 2012, 12:40:58 PM »
So many questions, but first things first. 
Do you want to stay with your bf or not?

Whose name is on the lease? 

Is it financially possible for you to get out of this relationship right away and have a place to live and a car to drive?

It sounds like you have had two deadbeat lying cheating bfs in a row.  What can you do do avoid having another? 

It sounds like you are the breadwinner?? (You bought him (?) furniture and a TV? Why? - he sits around the new house on new furniture watching TV and surfing all day - looking for his escorts?  How old is he anyway?  You are 28 right.  And he is how old that he already needs to BUY twinks? Couldn't he just get free sex if his cheating mind wants to betray you?  And with whose money is he doing that?

Your posts are so loaded with multiple stresses and losses and painful relationships - are you seeing a therapist.  If not, is it possible to see one?  You sound completely overloaded. You need some help unpacking all this mess. Do you have some friends helping you at least to understand your situation?

Maybe you should return more often to this forum, at least.

In summary just on the point of the bf, the way you describe him and the relation, its time for radical honesty, and some support, and some ground rules, or its time for someone to "get out of town."
« Last Edit: December 30, 2012, 12:42:29 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline pozbudnc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: Part 2 of my story. I thought it couldn't get worse but it has...
« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2012, 01:25:08 AM »
Years ago, my boyfriend left me right after I was diagnosed with AIDS.  I am so glad that he left me that I can not describe it.  If I had a partner who became diagnosed with a condition like AIDS,  I would do everything I could to help him through the situation.  I expect the same from my partner.  So be thankful that he showed you early on what kind of person he is.  I would rather know as soon as possible that I was with the wrong person.  You deserve a better partner

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,255
  • His name is Carl.
Re: Part 2 of my story. I thought it couldn't get worse but it has...
« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2012, 02:46:08 PM »
  It sounds like you are the breadwinner?? (You bought him (?) furniture and a TV? Why? - he sits around the new house on new furniture watching TV and surfing all day - looking for his escorts?  How old is he anyway?  You are 28 right.  And he is how old that he already needs to BUY twinks? Couldn't he just get free sex if his cheating mind wants to betray you?  And with whose money is he doing that?

Good God, Nancy Grace!  WTF?

Sometimes your line of questioning leads me to wonder who you're helping out the most - them or you.  Are you typing with one hand?
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Oneday/undia

  • Member
  • Posts: 17
  • What's the rush
Re: Part 2 of my story. I thought it couldn't get worse but it has...
« Reply #8 on: January 07, 2013, 03:24:32 PM »
wait you have KS already? aren't you very recently diagnosed?

That how i find out i was positive. I got something in my arm went to the dermatologist , and the thing got positive for Ks  :-\
Positive nov/08. Vl 15,000 cd 400
12/08 start treatment ( norvir, truvada,reyataz)
07/12 und/cd 575/42%
12/12 start Stribild
01/13 one month on stribild cd 715/35 %
2/13 725/47% UND
08/13 709/45% UND

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,266
Re: Part 2 of my story. I thought it couldn't get worse but it has...
« Reply #9 on: January 07, 2013, 04:55:48 PM »
If you read his first post, you'll see that he was very likely hiv positive for a long time before he tested and was diagnosed.

Sidekick, sorry to hear about your recent problems. I don't know what to say other than hang in there. Hopefully 2013 will be better.

Hugs,
Ann
xxx

 


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