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Author Topic: dating hiv positive male...  (Read 3649 times)

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Offline mafioso86

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dating hiv positive male...
« on: December 25, 2012, 01:06:59 PM »
first of all i'd like to say how much this site had educated me and others that i know...my story is the following...

i've started dating someone who is hiv positive. i really really like him. i am scared of how to go about being sexual with him. so far we've had hardcore kissing which i know is safe and fingering...which i think is safe even though he is pretty wet....he's also told me that with his medicine he's become undetectable...which i take is a good thing

i would like to know if what i'm doing with fingering is safe.i know that kissing is safe no matter how hardcore it is. and i would also like to know what i can do to continue dating him and how to have a healthy sexual relationship with him without any fears....
« Last Edit: December 25, 2012, 01:11:20 PM by mafioso86 »

Offline Mrmojorisin

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2012, 02:29:16 PM »
To have a healthy sexual relationship with anyone simply means to use condoms for anal and vaginal sex. Fingering is safe and is not at all a danger for transmission
« Last Edit: December 25, 2012, 06:09:51 PM by Mrmojorisin »
Started Meds On 5/1/2012 Norvair, Truvada, Prezista, and Bactrim

4/17/2012--CD4 83/ VL 353,000  7.0%
5/15/2012--CD4 218/ VL 4,970    14.1%
6/27/2012--CD4 146/ VL 420      6.1%
10/11/2012-CD4-223/ VL-62       9.5%
2/14/2013--CD4-215/ VL-119      13.6%
7/3/2013---CD4-256/ VL-UD       18.0%
10/18/2013 CD4-223/ VL-UD       22.2%
01/23/2014-CD4-381/VL-UD       25.3%--Dropped the Bactrim
05/01/20140CD$-370/VL-UD       23.5%

"arrrrhhhhh ahhrrhhhhh aaaarrhhh"- Chewbacca

Offline mafioso86

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #2 on: December 25, 2012, 05:26:27 PM »
thanks, he said his viral load is undectable or so low or whatever. there just seems to be alot of misinformation on the internet. even with kissing i read somewhere that if you both have cuts there's a risk. i'm trying to go into this openheartedly

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #3 on: December 25, 2012, 05:40:40 PM »
thanks, he said his viral load is undectable or so low or whatever. there just seems to be alot of misinformation on the internet. even with kissing i read somewhere that if you both have cuts there's a risk. i'm trying to go into this openheartedly

If you use a condom for anal sex you will avoid HIV infection.  That's what we tell worried well people in the Am I Infected forum. Kiss all you want/can. Saliva contains over a dozen identified elements that render HIV incapable of infection.

Fingering is also not a risk for HIV.

I'm not going to go into the controversy regarding oral sex except to suggest you read my signature line.  As one of the people authorized to give risk assessments on the Am I Infected forum, in addition to assisting in the development of the Lessons section on this site regarding HIV transmission, I can assure you that we use current peer reviewed study that, unlike other sites, does not incorporate obsolete or disproven fear-mongering or anecdote disguised as data.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline mafioso86

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #4 on: December 25, 2012, 05:44:13 PM »
i love my man he is so sexy. i'm going to try to make this work, he says his viral load is below 1% and that i have a chance of seeing a unicorn before we get it from kissing. maybe we'll look into sex toys or something

Offline wolfter

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #5 on: December 25, 2012, 10:11:10 PM »
You have been told repeatedly in the "Am I Infected" thread for well over a year that oral sex poses little to no risk of transmission.  If you choose not to believe the the folks here, why keep posing the question?
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline mafioso86

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #6 on: December 26, 2012, 12:55:20 AM »
my question has nothing to do with oral sex

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #7 on: December 26, 2012, 01:10:14 AM »
So please rephrase the questions?
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline mafioso86

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #8 on: December 26, 2012, 01:25:41 AM »
my question is with some much different information out there, what are precautions that we should take and things that we shouldn't worry about.

he says his viral load is undetectable and that he's had unprotected sex with past partners and they remained negative.

what are things we can do instead of unprotected sex. i know you cant get it from kissing , or fingering or oral sex.

i've never done this before and i don't want to be scared going into this relationship, and also i dont want to walk away from it because of this situation

Offline wolfter

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #9 on: December 26, 2012, 02:23:03 AM »
I was bored enough to read back through all the responses you've been given about this topic.  Always wear protection for vaginal and anal sex!!!!!!   It really is that simple.   Asking 100 different ways won't change that.

As paranoid as you've been, I find it difficult that you suddenly have "someone I care" has HIV.  Skirting the "Am I?" section seems more likely.
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline Ann

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #10 on: December 26, 2012, 09:32:00 AM »

As paranoid as you've been, I find it difficult that you suddenly have "someone I care" has HIV.  Skirting the "Am I?" section seems more likely.

I think this as well and I'm keeping a close eye on you.

You've been repeatedly told - use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

So why do you feel the need to come back and ask again? It's not rocket science.

About the barebacking - this early in the relationship you'd be wise to insist on condoms regardless of what he says about his viral load. Make sure you're using condoms for anal intercourse and you won't have to worry about getting infected.

If it continues to appear that you're only posting in this forum to get around having to pay a subscription in the Am I Infected forum (to ask questions you've already been given detailed answers for) you'll quickly find yourself with a Time Out.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline mafioso86

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #11 on: December 26, 2012, 12:46:26 PM »
TRUST ME...I never thought i would be in this situation.

Living in NYC i've met alot of different people. Like my friend Luis who is my age and is HIV positive. We've become really close and he's helped with me my OCD and dealing with HIV in the gay community.

When i met Joe he was awesome. He's hung out with my friends and we text and talk all the time. Christmas Eve i took him to my friends party and I asked him out then he told me. All we've done was kiss and i've fingered him and thats it...I've talked to Luis about it and he says there are way to have a safe relationship with him, and that i would be stupid and missing out to skip on finding someone you really care about here in New York City...

We've talked about things and he's told me that he's really healthy (he's a personal trainer) He said he's healthier then most guys. He says his viral load is undetectable and he only takes one pill a day and goes to the doctor once a year...

I know that you all may be "iffy" about my post but its true. If i hadn't educated myself and taken your advice seriously i wouldn't have matured enough to be in this situation. I'm not the same person i was when i first started posting on this website. I'm very much aware that as a gay male living in NYC HIV is a big reality here...and yes i am still scared but thats why i asked for advice. i hope this works...we're gunna take things slow and see how things go...

Offline Rockin

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #12 on: December 28, 2012, 07:13:39 PM »
TRUST ME...I never thought i would be in this situation.

Living in NYC i've met alot of different people. Like my friend Luis who is my age and is HIV positive. We've become really close and he's helped with me my OCD and dealing with HIV in the gay community.

When i met Joe he was awesome. He's hung out with my friends and we text and talk all the time. Christmas Eve i took him to my friends party and I asked him out then he told me. All we've done was kiss and i've fingered him and thats it...I've talked to Luis about it and he says there are way to have a safe relationship with him, and that i would be stupid and missing out to skip on finding someone you really care about here in New York City...

We've talked about things and he's told me that he's really healthy (he's a personal trainer) He said he's healthier then most guys. He says his viral load is undetectable and he only takes one pill a day and goes to the doctor once a year...

I know that you all may be "iffy" about my post but its true. If i hadn't educated myself and taken your advice seriously i wouldn't have matured enough to be in this situation. I'm not the same person i was when i first started posting on this website. I'm very much aware that as a gay male living in NYC HIV is a big reality here...and yes i am still scared but thats why i asked for advice. i hope this works...we're gunna take things slow and see how things go...

All I can say is...don't miss out on something special because you are scared of this thing that will probably NEVER happen.

Airplanes can crash...and I'm fucking terrified of them. And yes, there is no one to assure me that my plane will not crash.

But the odds are pretty slim and I love to travel because it makes me experience amazing things and appreciate life even more, so I'm taking my chances and I think I'll be fine.

Offline mafioso86

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #13 on: April 19, 2013, 05:34:57 PM »
hey.

so we and mike have been doing well, but i bugged out on him when we went to miami pride cause i bottomed for him while we were in pride in miami. we used a condom like always do but i feel scared cause i feel like the chances of being exposed were higher. he broke up with me because he said i made him feel like shit and idk what to do...i know that he takes his meds but i havent bottomed in 3 years and i'm really scared cause this was saturday and i'm still sore...

someone please reply if my chances were any higher

Offline Jeff G

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Re: dating hiv positive male...
« Reply #14 on: April 19, 2013, 05:43:34 PM »
hey.

so we and mike have been doing well, but i bugged out on him when we went to miami pride cause i bottomed for him while we were in pride in miami. we used a condom like always do but i feel scared cause i feel like the chances of being exposed were higher. he broke up with me because he said i made him feel like shit and idk what to do...i know that he takes his meds but i havent bottomed in 3 years and i'm really scared cause this was saturday and i'm still sore...

someone please reply if my chances were any higher

You have been warned that if you have questions about possible exposure to HIV to start a thread in Am I Infected so I have no other choice but to lock this thread . You are no longer a dating a person living with HIV so there is no need to keep this thread going .

Do not ask any more HIV transmission questions outside of Am I Infected. This is your last warning .   

 


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