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I Found Out This Morning That My Younger Brother Has HIV

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Sera:
I am not shocked, but devastated. I love my bother so much and i wish he wouldn't have to go through what i go through. He did not tell me about his status - his wife told me. For the last two years, my brother has been mistreating my sister in law and now she has had enough and so she is planning on leaving him but before she left she wanted me to know why she was leaving now - okay i pressed her to tell me why she is leaving. Anyway, she told me that she loves my brother very much and wants to stay with him to take care of their family - they have two beautiful children and both she and the kids are negative, but since he was diagnosed with the virus two years ago, he has been very cruel to her. 

I didn't tell her about my status because i was very upset, but i begged her to stay for the holidays and then we can talk after a few days. I intend to tell her about my HIV status and i would want my brother to know but i don't know how to go about it since i don't want him to know my sister in law breached his confidence. I feel for him because i understand the emotions involved although i don't support his actions towards his loving wife. But i don't know how to handle the situation. 

Any advice is welcome. Thanks for listening.
   

Mrmojorisin:
 Wow, does he know your status?? I would maybe approach him about the separation and not mention his status. Sounds to me like he needs to get into counseling or at least find someone to talk with.
 As you know, this can be difficult on our loved ones as well. Especially, if they feel isolated. They need to connect with others who understand what they are going through.
 I have been with my wife for almost 12 years now. We have been through a few rough patches even before I became positive. At one point I had filed for divorce and we both had hired lawyers. Yet today, just 6 months after my diagnosis we are doing fine. But it took a lot of talking and soul searching. It took both of us swallowing our pride and being truly honest with one another.
 I said all that to say this. It is not over yet, maybe she might need to leave for a bit to get your brother to face his fears. I suspect that his treatment of her is born out of his fear of getting her sick. In any case he needs to know that you are there to support and love him regardless of anything.

water duck:
Dear Sera,

looking at when you posted , (24/12 @10:06) i sincerely hope that you had a merry christmas .

you took me out of my silence on here , as what you wrote was exactly my story.

i was in denial for two years , (there was no way for me to catch this , we {my BF & myself} knew all about this illness , which when it first came out was called 'the gay cancer' over here in europe and people around us had used this, to try break us up ) , my family doctor, who i worked with, did four tests before telling me, he as a professional, was the first who did not accepted it , the next person to know was my current BF, as my ex died ten years before, they both drop me so fast , my mouth did not have time to say 'O' . Due to this rejection , i did not dare tell anyone about my status.

i had a couple of very good friends , they are like parents to me , one day , the wife pulled me aside and asked - what is wrong with you ; i asked - what do you mean ? she replied , of late you are very rude to G, every time he opens his mouth , you bite off his nose !!

And i went OMG, i am hurting the people who cares and loves me !! because subconsciously i thought their love will make things right at the end of the day , how wrong i was !! because G was suffering from my outburst , and asking what he did wrong !! so i told her , the first person i told to after two years, this isolation had created a kind of self hate and translation into a kind of anger , like a dragon ever really to devour who ever in my life that is loving , caring!!

if you care and love enough , then it is time to transform this; into a kind of courage to enable you to tell the truth, first about your own status, to your sister-in-law first then your brother , then help him to understand what his denial is doing to his relationship, first with his wife , then his children and then all the rest.

certainly, Truth will hurt , but then , it has a liberating side to it. as this is a public site , i do not wish to bring out private things, if you wish , there is the PM facility for you to use.

THIS certainly is a very private affair , and no-one can really tell you what you can do or must do , except yourself. i really wish you the peace of mind and the wisdom to decide what is best for everyone involved.

GOOD LUCK

water duck

Iggy:

--- Quote from: water duck on December 28, 2012, 03:57:14 PM ---if you care and love enough , then it is time to transform this; into a kind of courage to enable you to tell the truth, first about your own status, to your sister-in-law first then your brother , then help him to understand what his denial is doing to his relationship, first with his wife , then his children and then all the rest.

--- End quote ---

I think this sums up my thoughts as well.  Just wanted to second this.

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