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Author Topic: Looking for advice for scared gay man!  (Read 1465 times)

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Offline JayPa

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Looking for advice for scared gay man!
« on: December 22, 2012, 06:39:17 AM »
Hello!  I am so scared that I have contracted HIV!  For one week now, I have swollen neck glands, sore throat (white patches like candida on the sides - where drainage to tonsils are located), mild fever and blocked ears (heavy fluid).  I cannot tell whether I have had an HIV exposure or some other infection.  PLEASE HELP!

To attempt to be direct and not embellish what happened, I will try and be direct, only including the necessary details.  Two men, two incidents, in two months.

1) Months ago, I met a guy on-line through a dating site.  4 weeks ago we decided to meet.  There was an instant "connection".  He performed oral on me a couple of times without a condom on (note: I precum a lot!), but I didn't come in his mouth.  We also had anal sex (with a condom) a couple of times.  I am the top / he is the bottom.  I recall cumming once inside him with the condom on, however, he is the one that removed the condom.  I keep wondering, did it break?  I cannot confirm that since I don't know.  He had also disclosed to me (afterwards) that he was a colon cancer patient and a year earlier had a portion of his colon/digestive tract intestine removed.  I asked him to get tested and he did.  I am nervous, however, he assured me that he tested HIV negative 3 weeks after our "incident".  I have trust issues, but want to know for sure that he is negative without coming across like a wacko!  (If he was/is positive, was there an exposure to me the "top"?)

At 4 weeks, post that incident, I took an oral (over-the-counter) swab test and it was negative (assuming I did it correctly).

2) Now. 1 week ago, I was on vacation in FL.  I met a guy and we hung out and I ended up going over to his place.  We kissed a lot!  Embarrassing as this is, we were buzzed (beers only/ no drugs) and did a lot of "wrestling".  We did not have anal sex.  I could say I don't recall, however, people remember when they have anal sex - there were no condoms nor lube involved.  I can't confirm this 100%, but 99% sure neither of us even came/got off.  Something weird occurred though.  We both used the restroom to urinate and kept heavy kissing/wrestling the focal point.  During that fooling around,  I busted my lip.  I am the top / he is the bottom. I pulled his pants down and performed analingus on him for a minute or two.  Then, amongst another heavy, hard kiss and pulling our t-shirts off I banged my mouth against his and and the inside of my upper lip busted like someone punched me in the mouth.  While kissing, I could feel/taste the blood.  I got up and ran to the bathroom to spit it out and take a look at the lip in the mirror and my lip looked like it felt.  He asked me if had been tested, I said yes (neg) and he replied that he had not been tested in a year.  He assured me he doesn't have anything to worry about since he practices only "safe sex".  He was so sure of himself that he had no reason to be tested (I was not so sure he was being truthful, especially when he said he had the flu just a month earlier).  So, 3 days later...the night sweats started for me and now I have some sort of infection.

Do I have any risk of HIV from these two events?  I am freaking out.  Do I have anxiety?  Is that what is causing me to feel this way?  I have had plenty of sinus infections in the past, but my glands, neck and ears have NEVER felt this way. 

I feel so helpless and depressed.  I have spent so much of my adult life refraining from having sex because I am afraid of contracting STD's/HIV.  This year alone, I must have been tested 6-8 times.  I feel almost paranoid about contracting HIV.  Now, I find that the only way for me to know for sure, is to just practice abstinence, but based on my past two incidents, I may be too late.  Please help me.

I have read several/multiple topics and threads on your website and while I know you are not the HIV test itself, your are the very next best thing.  Thank you.

-Jay in PA
Jason s

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Looking for advice for scared gay man!
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2012, 07:49:11 AM »
You would have known if the condom had failed. You never had an exposure.

Offline JayPa

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Re: Looking for advice for scared gay man!
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2012, 08:26:33 AM »
Thanks Rapid Rod for the response.  And I am going to assume you don't think I had an exposure in the second incident either, correct?
Jason s

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Looking for advice for scared gay man!
« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2012, 08:49:01 AM »
HIV is transmitted by;
Unprotected penetrative anal and/or vaginal sex
Sharing works with other IV drug users
Mother to child

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Looking for advice for scared gay man!
« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2012, 09:14:03 AM »
Jay, nothing you have reported has put you at risk for HIV transmission.

Sexually only unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse are confirmed risks for the transmission of the HIV virus. As long as condoms are always used properly for those activities you will be well protected.

You do seem by your own description to have an excessive fear about HIV. You might find it worthwhile to see a therapist or other professional about that. We can't help you with that problem in this setting.

Right now you have no cause for concern about HIV nor any need for further testing. Get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline JayPa

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Re: Looking for advice for scared gay man!
« Reply #5 on: December 23, 2012, 12:10:37 PM »
Andy,

Thank you so much for the reply. 

As I mentioned, I have a number of "signs and symptoms" that correlate with being HIV positive.  If I did not have a risk through exposure, should I assume all of these symptoms (including diarrhea this morning, night sweats and a "gurgling" stomach) are all a result of anxiety, stress and nerves?  Or (based on my original disclosure) could I have contracted an STD?

I also wanted to know (just for information):  Can a body develop symptoms of HIV just 5 days post exposure?  Many internet searches reveal too many unanswered questions about that.

I live in a rural area (small town USA) and it is very difficult for me to see/talk to anyone without it running "rumors" all over town.  When I used to live in a bigger city, I always felt like it was more accepting and easier to "find help". 

I want to much to be able to move on from these past incidents.  I am understanding by this forum that (in my case) the only possible way to get HIV is to have unprotected anal sex (and that means no way possible from the kissing I had described).  Therefore, I'll stop driving myself crazy about the "what ifs", since a person can't live life on the "what ifs" anyway.

Thank you for lending an ear to my thoughts about HIV.  Your site is a wealth of information.
Jason s

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Looking for advice for scared gay man!
« Reply #6 on: December 23, 2012, 12:15:09 PM »
If you feel unwell see your doctor, you do not have an HIV concern.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Looking for advice for scared gay man!
« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2012, 01:04:29 PM »
It's difficult to be isolated with what ifs and fears. But in this instance you really have no cause for concern about HIV. So you can let that go.

There is nothing HIV specific in anyway about your symptoms. That's no surprise since you didn't have any risk. And just in general for future reference, neither the presence nor the absence is ever a reliable means of determining HIV status. Only an HIV test taken at the right time can give that answer reliably.

As Rod suggested, if any of your symptoms persist you should discuss them with your doctor. HIV is not the cause.

Cheers to you and get on with your life. 
Andy Velez

 


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