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Partner is Poz now I may be

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Jefriki:
Just to be clear, I thought the relationship was solid. I travel for work and that takes a great amount of trust on both our parts. In hindsight, I should have seen the signs when I wouldn't hear from him for HOURS after he got off from work.

The most disconcerting part is this: he simply stated it would not be healthy for us to be together if I turn out positive. I knew the risks of having unprotected sex with my partner. We both made an adult effort to have that kind of intimacy. What I didn't know was that only worked both ways. I can deal with being infected, it's very treatable. What I can't deal with is the person who infected me doesn't have the basic respect for his partner (now ex-partner) during a difficult period. Maybe it is just guilt on his part. I can only hope the guilt is from infecting me, not from being unfaithful.

jkinatl2:

--- Quote from: Jefriki on December 22, 2012, 12:17:41 PM ---Just to be clear, I thought the relationship was solid. I travel for work and that takes a great amount of trust on both our parts. In hindsight, I should have seen the signs when I wouldn't hear from him for HOURS after he got off from work.

The most disconcerting part is this: he simply stated it would not be healthy for us to be together if I turn out positive. I knew the risks of having unprotected sex with my partner. We both made an adult effort to have that kind of intimacy. What I didn't know was that only worked both ways. I can deal with being infected, it's very treatable. What I can't deal with is the person who infected me doesn't have the basic respect for his partner (now ex-partner) during a difficult period. Maybe it is just guilt on his part. I can only hope the guilt is from infecting me, not from being unfaithful.

--- End quote ---

Your posting indicates that you know the answer to your questions.

tednlou2:
Welcome to the forums.  I am sorry to hear about your possible infection, and your partners reaction.  You mentioned he had been ill with some bug.  I am still learning myself, but I have read many times that having some illness can cause an increase in viral load.  If he had been cheating, an STI could also increase the chances of infection, along with a vl increase.  But, the cheating is just speculation, right? 

But, it appears you're not wondering so much how this happened, rather you're saddened and feel abandoned over his shitty treatment towards you.  Was he mostly a very loving and supportive person?  Or, did he have a dark side, where he could be cold to people?  If you never witnessed this, then he may be dealing with some guilt issues.  Even if a relationship is over, I would expect someone who loved me to at least have some compassion and be willing to be a shoulder to lean on.  Perhaps he is worried that being that person will make it more difficult for you both to move on.  But, it certainly comes off shitty. 

anmlvrnyc:
hi jefriki,
I think you need to focus on your well being and forget about your ex. People suck. People do shitty things. People change. What else is new? If he can't give you the kind of love and support you need, look else where. I'm sure you have loving caring family and friends who would love you and support you regardless of your status.
What you need to do is get a full comprehensive blood test and find out what you are dealing with and take care of yourself. Try to remove all the negative energy around you and focus on your well being.
I hope you can find some peace in this tough time. Take care.

pozbudnc:
I understand how you are feeling.  You are going through 2 life-changing events at once -- 1) the diagnosis and 2) the break-up of your relationship.  It is a lot to handle at once, but it is something that you can handle.  Many of us have experienced a similar situation where we lost our partner at the same time that we gained an AIDS diagnosis.  Most people who experienced this situation, ultimately (years later) realize that the partner who abandoned them actually did them a favor. 
In living with a disease like HIV, you really want a partner that you can rely on in good times and in bad times.  You really do not want a partner who is only going to be around for the good times.  Hopefully, in the future you will realize that your partner did you a favor by letting you know that he was not someone that you could rely on for the long-term. 

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