Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits > Mental Health & HIV

A roller coaster ride.....

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Cojo:
One of the gifts that HIV has brought me (yes, a gift) is the opportunity to have my faith restored that there are very generous, brave and compassionate people out there. Think of it, this forum is a collective of strangers on a journey with an evident common point, but outside of that, it is an act of sisters and brothers showing compassion, care and generosity.

In my first few months, this forum was literally my lifeline. I would log on many times a day and the reassurances woven through the stories that HIV is manageable, and it does get better with time were the very words I needed to make it through some days. What I most honour about he posts, is they are based on deep knowledge, lived experience and mere survival!

Joe and Mike (leatherman) are among the many who always find the time to offer an informed, encouraging word. Someday, it would be a n honour to meet them.

I'm a year and a half into this now and I find myself in a strange place emotionally. As the OP called it, it really is a roller coaster ride. The ride gets wilder the closer I get to labs.

I think that my mindscape flip flops between the polarities of " this is a chronic manageable condition with a full life expectancy and little illness" to pure panic that somehow all will come crashing down due to resistance, side effects or my chronically low CD4 numbers. Maybe at the time, the pure survival instinct has shut down and I'm move analytic. If I was comparing to the Kubler-Ross model, I'd say my prominent emotions are anger, denial and despair. Maybe 2013 will be the year to get the glimpse of acceptance!

I have made it a goal to find a poz mentor beyond these forums to COMPLIMENT my experience. If my local ASO is correct, there are about 76,000 of us pozzies in Toronto so surely I can find one!

Best.

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