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Author Topic: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"  (Read 1791 times)

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Offline Iggy

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HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« on: December 18, 2012, 08:54:46 PM »
So for those who remember me and Jeromy - after five years together, one illegal North Carolina wedding (haha) and one legal wedding in NY - we are separated and going through divorce proceedings.

Not really interested in discussing the break-up, but after a few months realized the confinements of my current predicament.  To be in Charlotte, without a car (or even driver's license) HIV+ and single in an very auto-oriented city is a little strange, somewhat overwhelming, and frankly depressing.

I signed up for every site there was that I could find (HIV related or not) shortly after the break up.  I had a grand old Yabba-Dabba Do! time for a while but recently deleted most non-HIV related site profiles as I finished my 2-3 month hyper sexual reaction to the end of the marriage.  What it has left is a cricket chirping existence on the web of Southern living as an HIV+ man in a location where we don't even have and ASO and our largest AIDS organization is a religious one that won't discuss condoms.

Le Sigh.

Anyway -for what it's worth - I'm just ranting and raving about being a poz without a (drivers) license below the Dixie line


« Last Edit: December 18, 2012, 08:59:24 PM by Iggy »

Offline leatherman

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2012, 10:55:00 PM »
welcome back

sorry to hear about the bad news. :(

I sure understand the car issue. I've have to scrap two cars in 3 months (not to mention having to be towed 3 or 4 times), and now I'm car-less too. Although since I'm 100 yds from Charlotte, I'm car-less here in SC. In my efforts to be a better advocate ;D , I've attended several Black MSM conferences recently (and a Latino conference too) and now I'm learning all about how lack of transportation in a rural area is a barrier to accessing health care. LOL

By the way, have you checked into whether you are eligible to be a client down in Rock Hill at Catawba Care? After MAP (Metrolina AIDS Project) imploded a couple yrs ago, we've been taking clients from Charlotte. Also since York County (york county SC is the only county in SC included in the charlotte nc metro area census) is part of the Charlotte Ryan White part A TGA, we have gotten even more Mecklenburg and Gaston county clients. (I was just up at the Charlotte Ryan White quality management meeting this past week). Or is the transportation going to end up being a big problem getting here too? Or do you even need a full-service ASO?

Hopefully, you can get some of these problems worked out soon, as it seems you're in the process of changing things for the better in your life. And it's nice to see you back around here.  :-*

our largest AIDS organization is a religious one that won't discuss condoms.
Do you mean RAIN? I applaud them for their advocacy activities but the religious-bent really turns me off. However, I always smile nicely and behave myself when attending meeting etc with them. ::)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline tednlou2

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2012, 12:09:30 AM »
I am trying to remember if we've had any interactions.  I joined in 2009.  If not, nice to meet you.  Sorry to hear you're not happy in your current location.  And, about the break-up. 

I grew up in a fairly small town.  Everyone knew your business, and they rolled up the side walks at 8pm.  I can't imagine living there now.  I can't imagine living in NYC.  Louisville has a small town feel, but is still large enough to have things going on.  Although, sometimes I think living in a really large city would be exciting.  My standard of living would definitely change.

Anyway, nice meeting ya and all the best. 

Offline Jody

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2012, 09:48:08 AM »
Good to see you post again Iggy, sorry about your breakup and your predicament of not being able to get around readily in Charlotte, that is a bummer.  I hope things will work out for you in the coming weeks and months, be well.

Jody
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2012, 01:01:50 PM »
Sorry to hear you and Jeromy broke up. Unfortunately most Southern cities are very spread out and don't have great public transportation systems. I have only been to Charlotte a few times and don't have any recommendations regarding resources. I hope things improve.

Ford

Offline leatherman

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #5 on: December 19, 2012, 03:57:08 PM »
Unfortunately most Southern cities are very spread out and don't have great public transportation systems
LOL Charlotte's awesome and not that backwards. It's got buses and the lite-rail. ;)

Buses were talked about in the recent Rock Hill City Council meeting; but they told us public transportation won't even be on the table for many years yet. :( There are days I wished I lived on the other side of my neighbors so I was in NC with access to health care in Charlotte and didn't have to get transportation down to Rock Hill (or even Columbia!) for health care.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #6 on: December 19, 2012, 04:27:08 PM »
LOL Charlotte's awesome and not that backwards. It's got buses and the lite-rail. ;)

Buses were talked about in the recent Rock Hill City Council meeting; but they told us public transportation won't even be on the table for many years yet. :( There are days I wished I lived on the other side of my neighbors so I was in NC with access to health care in Charlotte and didn't have to get transportation down to Rock Hill (or even Columbia!) for health care.

As I said, I'm not familiar with Charlotte. I'm glad Iggy will not have any problems with transportation.

Offline Iggy

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2012, 06:00:12 PM »
Mikie, Jody, Ted, and Ford - thank you all for your comments and well wishes.

Mikie - yes I was speaking of RAIN whose embrace as "the" charity by the LGBT community here (because it works with AIDS and was known for its charity Gay Bingo game and the AIDSwalk) is one of the reasons I feel so disconnected in Charlotte. 

Clarification btw on the Charlotte/transportation issue.  The issue for me is not as drastic that I can't get to a doctor but that being on the Northern outskirts of a very auto-orientated city I find myself feeling sort of isolated as far as social outlets more than needs.

Fortunately my area has a number of food stores, restaurants, coffee places, dry cleaners, etc within walking distance (as is my work as it is about 2 miles away).  Charlotte also does indeed have a very good bus network so technically I can get around if needed and the light rail will is expanding to my area within the next 4 years so there is mobility beyond the bus in my future.

 I recognize that my situation could be a lot worse.  Just when you are raised in NY and can get anywhere via subway and suddenly you find yourself in a city where you can not get anywhere easily (since Jeromy was the driver) it just feels a little daunting.

Anyway - thanks again for the thoughts and posts.
« Last Edit: December 20, 2012, 11:36:47 AM by Iggy »

Offline leatherman

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #8 on: December 19, 2012, 07:34:47 PM »
you find yourself in a city where you can not get anywhere easily (since Jeromy was the driver) it just feels a little daunting.
ah! I gotcha! When I was living in OH and flying down for Christmas, it was never worth borrowing anyone's car - I didn't know my way around town anymore (cause CLT tripled in size those first 10 yrs I was gone thanks to all the Yankees with IBM and the banks moving into town LOL that's why York county is in the CLT census anywhere. It's all Charlotte people - like my mom and brother - running away from the high Meck cty taxes) So are you from NY then? Are you going to be moving or staying in the area? A lot of changes happen after a divorce or a death. ;)

Ah, RAIN. Nice people but I try to be a part of their events only once in a while. All that religiousosity creeps me out. Can't I just join you to advocate for access to health care for pozzies without having to talk about Jebus too?  ::) They are one of the reasons that I keeps me saying that religion is a HUGE barrier and outlet of stigma in the South.

I do hope you can get some better transportation! I wrote and asked Santa for a car for me; but I'm sure that letter got lost in the mail. LOL Maybe one of these days, we can arrange things and I'll borrow the car here and come up and visit.  ;)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline buginme2

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #9 on: December 19, 2012, 11:34:53 PM »
Well hello there! Welcome back.  ;)

Offline Iggy

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #10 on: December 20, 2012, 11:37:09 AM »
^Thanks!

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #11 on: December 20, 2012, 11:50:25 AM »


  Welcome back Iggy, long time no see.. 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #12 on: December 20, 2012, 11:55:29 AM »
Darn this business of having to forever re-invent ourselves, Iggy...

I'm wondering if getting a driver's license would expand your possibilities down there.

Just keep going, bud. You can toss a plate at my head for being an incurable optimist, but my experience has been that help can come from the most unexpected sources. Yah, just keep going.

Best,

Andy
Andy Velez

Offline Denver Toad

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #13 on: December 20, 2012, 02:34:26 PM »
Good to see you around again Iggy.

The bright spot I see in this for you is the closeness of work and amenities. The exercise and time spent walking are good for body and mind. Hope you too can find it a beneficial time.

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #14 on: December 20, 2012, 02:53:41 PM »
Sounds like you're not super keen on living in the South. Are you looking for jobs elsewhere in the US?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Iggy

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Re: HIV+, middle age, and starting over in the "New South"
« Reply #15 on: December 21, 2012, 08:58:19 AM »
Thanks for additional hellos, welcome backs and responses.

Andy - Yeah, I do need to get a licence.  Something I did fight for a while (my own fault), but it will be quite a while before I can afford a car/insurance/gas, etc.  Though it is in my long term plans.

Miss P - You are correct that I'm not super keen on the South (at least where I am), but I do have a job, home and work is helping pay for me to go back to school - so it doesn't make sense to leave for the short term.  Maybe in about 3-4 years when school is done and I have accumulated some funds (and hopefully have a car) I can have the resources to move to something better versus just move because I don't like my current location.

 

 


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