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Author Topic: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch  (Read 2669 times)

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Offline mixednewbie

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He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« on: December 17, 2012, 07:03:40 AM »
Hi all, thanks in advance for your replies!!

Here is my story, i liked my friend suddenly we bith got sick and went to doctor, taking advantage of the situation got tested, he turned out to be positive, while i am negative. I like him very much and somehow i mihht be in love for him.
He knows that, and i have been supportive from the first moment, he recently started to take all his medication and he says that he is not able to think about getting serious with me or anyone.
He is going thru all this depression things, but somehow he is locked of understanding how much i like him out of his condition and that i will be happy to be next to him in his best and at his worst... If you have had something similar please share your story, i am very interested to understand more of what might be going inside his mind and by that help us both...

Thank you!!! :-*

Offline Rockin

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2012, 08:23:50 AM »
Hi Mixed, welcome. This is a tough and unfortunately not unusual situation for newly diagnosed pozzies.

You should tell him to do some research on the subject and have extensive talks with his doctor and maybe even see a therapist. The truth is, as long as both of you use condoms in a proper way, there's no reason he should be afraid of passing anything to you, but of course all of us humans suffer from irrational fears, especially when it comes to the idea of putting someone we love in harm's way.

It's great to see how much you love this guy and how you are willing to be next to him during this transition period. He should feel very lucky, lots of us had to go through this alone.

Offline mecch

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2012, 11:03:56 AM »
Mixednewbie - it might take some time for him to feel normal again. Be patient.

Doesn't hurt to remind him that on the one hand, you understand what a blow diagnosis could be, and that is a serious disease.  On the other hand, remind him that its a manageable disease an just a tiny part of him, and you like the whole package.  Remind him of the old-fashioned concept of relationships being "through thick and thin" etc. I'm sure this will help him along to feeling ok again.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mixednewbie

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2012, 02:21:26 PM »
Thanks Rockin & mecch!

Your comments are absolutely well received by me. I must confess sometimes, whenever he's talking about HIV I feel like he's talking to me like another disease over there, and I should take it a bit more serious because of his feelings, so that way he won't think I'm not worried about him (Already he made a comment about that).
I'm trying to let him know how much I care for him and also, in spite of my feelings, I'm always one of his strongest friends, because the others just started crying instead of being like: Hey, it sucks, but it will be ok tomorrow, just keep walking.
At the end if we do not end up together, I want him to be able to recover all by himself, no extra help required.
I have done some stupid things, unconsciously I've been drinking, smoking, and doing silly things to feel a bit perhaps how he feels, But I already noticed is not a good idea, and I should be at my best for him.
Rockin, it is very touchy that you had no one to go thru this, because if for me it is  difficult, for you should be beyond complicated. I'm really happy to share this with you, and I want to make it right, and by no chance making this guy, bad a bit, HIV is already enough to make him cry again...

Kisses!

Offline mecch

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2012, 06:06:00 PM »
I have done some stupid things, unconsciously I've been drinking, smoking, and doing silly things to feel a bit perhaps how he feels, But I already noticed is not a good idea, and I should be at my best for him.


Hey whats that all about? Im just checking on this:  are you taking unsafe sex risks, as part of this "silly things"?

Hope not.   ;D

Also, not all or even many (?) HIV+ people think that they made big mistakes in life, or gone through a big stupid phase, and because of that they became HIV+.   

First of all, lots of people get HIV from a brief lack of judgement, not a big screwed up life. 

Also, when first diagnosed, people can beat themselves up about it.  But after awhile, most people just forgive themselves whatever stupid act resulted in getting a virus. 

Everyone has done stupid things and often without consequences and then we all forget about them.  Sometimes there is a consequence.   

Society puts all sorts of beliefs, judgements and morals on sexually transmitted disease.  But in the end a virus is just a virus, not a scarlet letter.  It doesn't really say anything about a person, how he lived or lives, etc etc. etc.

You doing stupid things might not say anything or be at all related to what your friend is feeling. 
« Last Edit: December 17, 2012, 06:10:13 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mixednewbie

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2012, 09:29:46 PM »
Hi meecch!

Yes, i did have sex without protection, and i am sure it was my fault but also my mind, that was my "wake up call", here in my house i have condoms all over the place, and i 'panic' if i dont have at least 6 in stock...

Saturday i wnet to a bar, met a guy, we had sex and we used condom first time, then we didn't and that's fucked up, and not cool at all, and then i wonder why i did it if had soooooo many here at home... I realized i was somehow forcing myself to similate his current struggle.

It was not silly, it was stupid.


Offline mecch

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2012, 04:35:41 AM »
Well thats all very complicated but its good you realise its just plain stupid.

Also, I don't see how an unsafe sex act "simulates" your friends situation. Hes now a person living with HIV.  All his life. 24h a day.   

An unsafe sex encounter is a matter of minutes -- or an hour or so  8) 8) :o :o - -- and just a risk for disease transmission. 

HIV+ people are not living 24hour sex and possible disease risks.  Right?

« Last Edit: December 18, 2012, 04:37:12 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mixednewbie

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #7 on: December 18, 2012, 11:54:32 AM »
Right!

He's on a 24/7 situation mine would be just an hour as you said, I think that I have been strong for him for too long, and now I'm starting to break down, but no, Chins Up, boobs out it's show time! (Connie and Carla).  :D

The "funny" part here is that even when he's the one living with HIV he's now starting to recover his normal life, and au contraire I'm (was) going down, It is really helpful to talk with you, I am beyond grateful with your words and advice.

I send you a big hug!

Offline Rockin

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #8 on: December 18, 2012, 02:41:31 PM »
Mixed, if anything what happened to your friend should be a wake-up call for you. This virus is everywhere, it's not something that only happens to promiscuous people.

Trust me, I know. I used condoms my entire life but then suffered a brief lack of judgement with a boyfriend and now, here I am.

So be there for him and tell him about this forum, it might be helpful. And I appreciate that I could be helpful to you.



Offline mixednewbie

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #9 on: December 18, 2012, 03:37:39 PM »
Yes Rockin! You're right I will recommend him this one, so he can connect and interact with smart people like you two.
Sometimes it seems people simply scares about it and forgets its is just as Meecch said "Another Disease"...

Offline mecch

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #10 on: December 18, 2012, 04:47:33 PM »
Yes Rockin! You're right I will recommend him this one, so he can connect and interact with smart people like you two.
Sometimes it seems people simply scares about it and forgets its is just as Meecch said "Another Disease"...

Well its both. Its a horrible fatal disease if someone doesnt know he has it. Or if he knows but can't have medical care and treatment.  Or, if he knows but denies that it kills and doesn't treat it.

But if someone knows, and has medical care, and takes HIV seriously, then its not the worst disease around, nope.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mixednewbie

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #11 on: December 20, 2012, 10:41:27 PM »
Hello !! Sorry Ive been out, here's what we have been lately.

On monday I had an emotional crisis, and i told him every single thing I feel for him, and for so he replied that most likely we will not be able to be together. Of course i was devastated and of course I cried a lot, but I'm back up again.
That's from my side, he's going to see the doctor tomorrow, as for what he was told last time, he's on aids not hiv anymore, so I will keep you posted about this story...

somehow this thread might be coming to an end...  :-\

Offline mecch

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #12 on: December 21, 2012, 03:09:50 AM »
Sometimes HIV+ people are sufferring hideous mental and physical stresses if they are in the situation of your friend.  He may not have the energy to devote to romance with you for the time being. 
You can certainly try to stick around as a friend.  After things chill out and hes stable and comfortable in his new reality, maybe there will be a romantic opening again. 

Maybe not, "maybe he's just not that into you". 
Anyway, you've been sweet to him. 

In the meantime, please stop your own self-hurting actions which you have bizarrely attributed somehow to your friend's current struggles.  Just own them and stop them.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mixednewbie

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Re: He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch
« Reply #13 on: December 21, 2012, 07:09:45 AM »
You're right!! Nothing else to say about it, and I will get back to me and for the best of both we will be happy.

Thanks again for your support!!

Happy holidays

Kisses and hugs

 


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