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He's POZ, I'm neg. Starting from scratch

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Hi all, thanks in advance for your replies!!

Here is my story, i liked my friend suddenly we bith got sick and went to doctor, taking advantage of the situation got tested, he turned out to be positive, while i am negative. I like him very much and somehow i mihht be in love for him.
He knows that, and i have been supportive from the first moment, he recently started to take all his medication and he says that he is not able to think about getting serious with me or anyone.
He is going thru all this depression things, but somehow he is locked of understanding how much i like him out of his condition and that i will be happy to be next to him in his best and at his worst... If you have had something similar please share your story, i am very interested to understand more of what might be going inside his mind and by that help us both...

Thank you!!! :-*

Hi Mixed, welcome. This is a tough and unfortunately not unusual situation for newly diagnosed pozzies.

You should tell him to do some research on the subject and have extensive talks with his doctor and maybe even see a therapist. The truth is, as long as both of you use condoms in a proper way, there's no reason he should be afraid of passing anything to you, but of course all of us humans suffer from irrational fears, especially when it comes to the idea of putting someone we love in harm's way.

It's great to see how much you love this guy and how you are willing to be next to him during this transition period. He should feel very lucky, lots of us had to go through this alone.

Mixednewbie - it might take some time for him to feel normal again. Be patient.

Doesn't hurt to remind him that on the one hand, you understand what a blow diagnosis could be, and that is a serious disease.  On the other hand, remind him that its a manageable disease an just a tiny part of him, and you like the whole package.  Remind him of the old-fashioned concept of relationships being "through thick and thin" etc. I'm sure this will help him along to feeling ok again.

Thanks Rockin & mecch!

Your comments are absolutely well received by me. I must confess sometimes, whenever he's talking about HIV I feel like he's talking to me like another disease over there, and I should take it a bit more serious because of his feelings, so that way he won't think I'm not worried about him (Already he made a comment about that).
I'm trying to let him know how much I care for him and also, in spite of my feelings, I'm always one of his strongest friends, because the others just started crying instead of being like: Hey, it sucks, but it will be ok tomorrow, just keep walking.
At the end if we do not end up together, I want him to be able to recover all by himself, no extra help required.
I have done some stupid things, unconsciously I've been drinking, smoking, and doing silly things to feel a bit perhaps how he feels, But I already noticed is not a good idea, and I should be at my best for him.
Rockin, it is very touchy that you had no one to go thru this, because if for me it is  difficult, for you should be beyond complicated. I'm really happy to share this with you, and I want to make it right, and by no chance making this guy, bad a bit, HIV is already enough to make him cry again...



--- Quote from: mixednewbie on December 17, 2012, 02:21:26 PM ---I have done some stupid things, unconsciously I've been drinking, smoking, and doing silly things to feel a bit perhaps how he feels, But I already noticed is not a good idea, and I should be at my best for him.

--- End quote ---

Hey whats that all about? Im just checking on this:  are you taking unsafe sex risks, as part of this "silly things"?

Hope not.   ;D

Also, not all or even many (?) HIV+ people think that they made big mistakes in life, or gone through a big stupid phase, and because of that they became HIV+.   

First of all, lots of people get HIV from a brief lack of judgement, not a big screwed up life. 

Also, when first diagnosed, people can beat themselves up about it.  But after awhile, most people just forgive themselves whatever stupid act resulted in getting a virus. 

Everyone has done stupid things and often without consequences and then we all forget about them.  Sometimes there is a consequence.   

Society puts all sorts of beliefs, judgements and morals on sexually transmitted disease.  But in the end a virus is just a virus, not a scarlet letter.  It doesn't really say anything about a person, how he lived or lives, etc etc. etc.

You doing stupid things might not say anything or be at all related to what your friend is feeling. 


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