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it was postivive

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Lol yup get used to letting that blood go as there be lots of tests over the next few months. Up and down? Man I was up and down more times than a roller coaster and probly just as fast!
It's hard to acknowledge but trust me, one day at a time. Then you will figure things out and calm down. It just takes time.

yea sometimes furing the day im like ok, i can deal with this, but then most of the day im like crap how can i deal with this. my biggest thing is i took care of someone who died of aids, so i cant get that out of my head at all, and i know she didnt take care of herself or take her meds, but i know, or my thinking is, that that is going to be my future, yea it may take 10-40 years or however long, but that could be me. and i told 3 people 2 are my closest friends, and they just kinda shrugged it off like it is nothing, and havent been any support. the other person i told was my coach for mma, and strength training and he was really supportive and i felt better after talking to him, but then the next day my computer broke, and for some reason that was a breaking point and i just lost it for a minute. been reading this thread and it has a lot of good info on here

oh one more questions i know yall arent docters, but my doc. said, that my cd4 count is 625, i dont have the results in front of me so dont know about viral load, i forgot, but i think it was like 37000 or something like that. but he wants me to go back in a month to check it again, then he said ever 3 months or so. but is 625 good?

625 is totally good. you're in the same range as an average healthy HIV negative person, so you shouldn't be worrying about that so much right now. theres some debate on whether or not to start meds right away in order to get your viral load down and keep those T cells up but I'm sure your doctor will explain all that to you. in terms of dying or getting really sick in 10-14 years, as long as you take care of yourself and take your meds you shouldn't worry about that. you can totally live a normal life span as long as you do what your doctors say, so calm down! there is a chance the worlds going to end in a few days anyways, so it might not matter at all  :o
also, its pretty easy for little things like computers breaking to remind you of all the things that are going wrong with your life. chances are, your computer would have broken down even if you'd never heard of HIV, so try to take each thing as it comes and dont get overwhelmed.

"A normal CD4 count can range from 500 cells/mm3 to 1,000 cells/mm3."

Theoretically the longer you go with out medication, the lower your number will get, and the higher the amount of virus in your body will increase.  There are unique cases where that is not true, but is very rare.

You seem to be very worried about numbers, OI's, and how your quality life will be, but you haven't decided to start medication yet?  What other type of disease would you get where you would delay treating it?  Especially one where you know it's directly affecting your bodies ability to fight off other infections?

It might be a personal choice, or a financial one, but stop and think about things before taking one doctors advice (if he is advising against meds right now).


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