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it was postivive

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--- Quote from: snwbrd on December 18, 2012, 10:46:36 PM ---im not saying it broke cause i had hiv, im saying i found out about my status, then my computer broke like a few days after that, and i fell apart over it. i wouldnt say my computer broke cause it knew i had hiv

--- End quote ---

I get what you're saying there. A week or two into my own diagnosis, I decided to defrost my freezer. It needed to be done and it was "busy" work to keep myself occupied. I got a little over-zealous and accidentally punctured a coolant line and I ended up a basket case for a couple hours. It was the first time I really cried after diagnosis and it was very cathartic. It took a minor (in the greater scheme of things) problem to break through the numbness I had been experiencing.

Minor or not, it was a very real problem because the whole fridge was unusable and I didn't have the money to buy a new one. It all turned out ok in the end - my partner had a mate who coincidentally happened to have a working fridge going for free, because he'd just bought a new one. I ended up with a better (bigger) fridge than I'd had and the whole experience also had the effect of breaking through the numbness so I could finally start dealing with the emotional aspects of an hiv diagnosis. Win-win.

You're also not the only one to view a diagnosis in the post-HAART era through the lens of the pre-HAART days. When my current partner was diagnosed (not the fridge guy), his prior experience of hiv was when he was an aide worker in Sudan during the 1990s. He saw people dying horrible deaths due to aids - adults, children and babies alike.

When he was diagnosed in 2001, he thought the doctors were humouring him when they said the meds worked and as long as he took them as directed, the type of deaths he saw in Africa weren't in his future. It took him quite a long time to finally trust and believe the doctors, but he got there in the end. You will too.

It gets better. Give yourself time.

"It gets better"

People with HIV should really start making videos like that. God knows how much it would have helped all those newly infected... like me.
I mean, search for HIV and its just a very lugubrious list of videos, especially Nick Rhoades'. I cried too..

*sorry to run this off topic.

Snw, it gets easier!  I held it together pretty well after finding out when around people but cried like a baby every chance that i got alone.  My Dr reassured me i'd be ok, hugged me and eased my fears before i left the office.  What was most painful for me was a feeling of disappointment in myself and my family members that i'd have to tell and that it was actually made be cry. You'll definitely need a friend you can trust, i don't recommend holding it all in.


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