Main Forums > I Just Tested Poz

oh dear!

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Well this is my story. I am married and have a child. In Oct 2011 I had a momentary lapse of moral judgment with a female work friend. Ok the lapse lasted a few months. We parted but still work together, she in the emergency room of a hospital and I in the community. Then in July 2012 I started to become ill, just flu like symptoms that I just could not shake. I thought it was due to everyone at work having the same cold. However my symptoms got worse and worse to the extent where I had the lowered energy of a 90 year old! The doctors could not figure what was wrong then one day I ended in in hospital, I was resuscitated (yup I was that sick). All the doctors could not figure out what was wrong until they decided to do one last series of blood tests. They did not mention HIV testing.
I was diagnosised positive the next day. My wife who was now pregnant was tested several times and proved negative, thankfully.
To say I was angry would be an understatement. The public health officials admitted that I had been named in June as a contact. It is obvious how and who infected me. The bad thing is, this person had seen my health deteriorate and was aware I was admitted to hospital. At no stage did they mention or hint that maybe I should get a comprehensive blood test. They just watched me slowly die, no regards to me or my wife and unborn child.
My VL was 750,000 with a CD4 count of 123. I was started on Atripla and 4 weeks later VL was 2500 an CD4 was near 500. My last test was VL 400 and CD4 350.
I have not informed work of my condition, nor has SHE. I do not feel that I can tell anyone as I work with very unsupportive people and the managers are in league with the devil. I have not worked since Oct 2012 and now I have spoken with work and requested a transfer. They wont do this and told me to get over it! (I have told them as much as possible with out giving anything away) I have tried seeing a psychiatrist, but my emotions are too raw just now.
The person who infected me has now told people that her house has been attacked, and of course the people put 2 and 2 together and get 9! So now I am seen as a raving psycho! She did not tell any one that she has infected more than 4 other people!
So what? Well I am now at the end of my ability to cope, nowhere to turn and no one to support me. I want to return to work but work will only let me return to my original position, so I will have daily contact with HER! The union is rubbish and the lawyers cant do anything. What words of advice can the forum give?

Bob, I've moved your thread into the Just Tested forum, as that is the more appropriate place for it.

It has to be said - you're laying all the blame at the feet of this woman, but what prevented you from putting a condom on? Your culpability in all this is something you're going to have to work through.

If you were only reported as a contact in June, that's seven/eight months after the fact so she probably only tested poz in June herself. In other words, she didn't know she was poz when you two hooked up.

Something I'm wondering about - when was the last time you had a negative hiv test result? Unless you've been testing regularly, you could have been infected long ago and just didn't know. Your wife's negative status is nothing to go by - she wouldn't be the first wife to not test positive despite her husband being poz. It just might be that you infected the nurse, not the other way around.

I strongly suggest you get into therapy to work through your feelings of anger. What's important is where you go from here, now that you know your status. Looking back in anger will never change your hiv status.


Sorry that you've tested positive but I think you need to look deeper at your displaced anger.  It's natural to blame others at first, but ultimately, you're responsible for your behavior and health.

You blame this lady for not worrying about your wife's safety?  That is priceless.  YOU cheated on your pregnant wife and you have a vested interested in protecting her.  Your fling did not.

I hope you're able to work through all of this and get your life back on track.

Take care.


Hi and thanks for the replies. I just blurted everything out.
So some answers to the issues raised.
I was not with my wife at the time of the affair, as we were going through a tough period.
The other person and I discussed safe sex and she informed me she was std free. I had been tested approx 6 months previously due to getting a new visa. The test was negative. I learned she had infected other men only after I had been found +.
Yes I agree it was a choice not to wear a condom.

Hi again!
I have just reread the replies. While I acknowledge that I have to wear some of the blame I just can't shake my self hatred at what I have done, and now I have to live with the constant reminder of my actions.
I am scared. I am scared of how people will act towards me if they find out. I am scared the meds will stop working or that I will get sick in the future and I am scars I will die early.
I know I have to move on, that is why I joined this forum. I have never been a person to discuss my feelings so this is hard for me
I tried therapy but my feelings are still to raw. I hope that the forum can give good if not better advice :) than the therapist.
Oh we'll one day at a time and go and make a cup of tea. Chin up and so on.


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