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HIV+ and married with child

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mecch:
There are co-payment deals offered in the USA by the drug companies, which cut the cost to people who have large deductibles or high co-payments.
Also, obviously, if you are in the USA, there's that reality. But everyone around the world faces different challenges or easiness for affording treatment, as you can imagine.

I am really sorry to hear about your brother.  Remember to train your mind and emotions to rest in 2012 and the experience now, of living with HIV.  Its a world of difference to then.

skycee:

--- Quote from: mecch on December 10, 2012, 01:21:31 PM ---There are co-payment deals offered in the USA by the drug companies, which cut the cost to people who have large deductibles or high co-payments.
Also, obviously, if you are in the USA, there's that reality. But everyone around the world faces different challenges or easiness for affording treatment, as you can imagine.

I am really sorry to hear about your brother.  Remember to train your mind and emotions to rest in 2012 and the experience now, of living with HIV.  Its a world of difference to then.

--- End quote ---

Mecch I don't quite understand your last paragraph....please shed more light....

mecch:

--- Quote from: skycee on December 11, 2012, 10:40:50 AM ---Mecch I don't quite understand your last paragraph....please shed more light....

--- End quote ---

Skycee
RiderMan's brother died of HIV/AIDS in 1996. 
Some of us mature people have vivid memories and pain and loss from the 80's and 90's when someone we loved died of HIV/AIDS.
This pain and fear and loss can overshadow today's experience of HIV.  I personally  had involuntary, unthinking fear and panic about HIV in 2008 when I got it, because all the history came flooding back. 
So its important to learn about HIV now, in 2012, what science and medicine knows about HIV now. What medicine can do. How doctors routinely tell newly HIV+ people to go right on with scheduled plans, and plan on living a long life.  So, its a different experience to then.  And some of us, who remember then, must actively try to learn the new reality. To feel the new reality.
Does that make sense, now??

tednlou2:
Riderman, welcome to the forums.  This is all still fresh and no one would blame you for not knowing how to deal with this just yet. 

I don't want to get all up in your business, but you and your wife have a sexless marriage?  There is no chance you guys would become intimate?  If you plan to stay together, I don't see how you could not tell her.  She has the right to know, for her health, but what's the purpose of a marriage if you cannot share something so important? 

If the marriage is basically over, you could get out, without having to disclose your status.  I know there are different kinds of relationships.  Some are happy staying married, while being more like roommates.  No judgement there.  I don't understand that, but wouldn't judge the relationship choices of others.  If you are going to stay together and become intimate again, then I think you'd have to tell her.  If you're not intimate and you both are happy living as "roommates," then there is no need to disclose, if you don't feel it's right for you.

Again, I realize this is all new and you should take some time to figure this out before deciding to tell her or not.  It is good you're seeing a therapist, who should be able to help you figure out what's best for you and your family.

All the best.   

RiderMan:
Thx Tednlou2...your comments are valid.  You are correct, I am married however there is no intimacy, we have somewhat agreed to remain together to raise our child (this was before i was diagnosed)...so your analogy of room-mates is pretty much right.  There is a chance that we do split, I assume that staying together might not work but was wondering if we did stay together if there would be signs or triggers to assume i had HIV (apart from meds).

I am battling inside, hopefully my therapist will be able to clean up my messed up head.  To add to this, I did approach the person that passed HIV to me. 

When we 1st met, i asked her if she had been tested and she said 1 month ago (yeah, I took her word for it)...anyways when I told her i contracted HIV she acted surprised, i asked her to get tested and she did.  1 week later she said she was HIV.  I figured out that there was no way she could get tested and get results in 1 week so I challenged her (politely). She then said she had it for 1 year and knew about it when we were together (I was shocked, blown out of the water!).

I asked for her CD4 and VL...she said she did not know (again, i could not believe she would not know this).  2 weeks ago she told me her CD4 is 0.20 and VL is 2million...I am no expert but I am guessing that she has had HIV for more than 1 year (unless you can have these counts after 12 months???).  I never heard of CD4 as 0.20 (not sure if this is a true count or not)...

So now I am wondering what to do....should i report her to social services? I met her online, and I did go back to see if she still had a post up (and she did)...I don't want anyone else to get stuck in my situation...not sure how to approach this situation, especially since I need to remain discrete.  Thoughts?

 

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