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HIV+ and married with child

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Buckman:
RiderMan, I am interested in hearing if you ever told your wife. I am in a very similar situation as you. Married, no intimacy, but outside of that we have a great relationship that I do not want to destroy. I am terrified of telling her. I have started taking meds and have been able to keep everything secret so far but it seems like a matter of time before I will have no choice to tell her.

Not only do I fear the reaction of my positive status but also of my cheating on her which led to it.

Any advice from would be welcome.

mecch:
If you love your wife and if you respect her, let her make up her own mind what she wants to do about/how she wants to feel and react, to your infidelity and HIV+ status.
What kind of great relationship is based on fundamental lies.  Been there, done that. If there are big lies in a relationship, its not a "great relationship."  In my humble opinion.

Also when sex dies in a relationship, the partners should hash it out honestly and thoroughly to see if they both want to repair the intimacy, both want to continue in a non-sexual relationship, or split up.  I know lots of people do not have this communication, but I still think its the best way forward for all concerned.  People should never give up on sexual intimacy, no matter how long the dry spell.  That's my opinion.  I know couples who stay together for a lot of reasons besides sex. Sex can be totally off the table and each partner pursues love affairs.  Whats the point of staying "faithful" is there is no sex, period.

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