Main Forums > I Just Tested Poz

Upset, disappointed and scared...

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Sending positive energy your way that you're actually negative.  I thought very much like you.  I looked at the HIV cases here in the U.S.  1 million infected out of a country of over 300 million.  I didn't know anyone (that I knew of) who was infected.  Well, not anyone close.  I had known some family friends who died back in the 90's.  I figured I had a better chance of winning the lottery. 

When I've actually thought about it, I realized my chances of having sex with someone with HIV was much higher than my straight counterparts, not even mentioning the different risk factors in heterosexual vs homosexual sex.  It seems so obvious now.  HIV affects more gay men in the U.S.  We don't have as many partners to choose from.  I grew up in a town of about 60,000 people.  All the gay men shared the same sex partners.  I now live in a city of about 700,000.  They say 1 million for the whole metro area.  But, I've noticed we all seem to be connected through hook ups, former and current partners, and friends.  This just isn't the case with my straight friends.  They aren't connected like we are.  Oh, they do their share of hooking up, but they just have a much larger pool. 


Just went out for a meal and walk with the other half.

Kind of feel a bit better getting some fresh air and seeing some humanity.

Does really make you put things into perspective - makes you think about the things that you take for granted.

Completely agree w/Ann -- zero need to tell your mum until your diagnosis is certain. Even then, you'll know when it's right. And if you have to, try not to go to that internal place of disappointing a parent -- you're talking about a virus -- you didn't embezzle, or murder, or harm a child, you had sex.

I never really had the choice because my mom is like a truth-serum and I was visibly distraught once I tested poz. Her knowledge of HIV was still in the pre-HAART days where if you had HIV, you're pretty much "waiting to die" (to translate a Chinese term....) so it helped a lot that she had doctors tell her that with medication, people with HIV live long and normal lives. Hopefully the WB comes out -ve. But if not, send your mom off to a famous and knowledgeable physician..."expert opinions" help alot in dispelling fears about HIV. :)

I've chosen not to tell my parents. They worry about me anyway, I'd rather save them the heartache. Each to their own though, just don't feel like you have to rush into telling anyone before you're ready.


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