Main Forums > I Just Tested Poz

Upset, disappointed and scared...

(1/6) > >>

Ohmydays:
Hello, new here...

So I was told I was positive yesterday at my local GUM clinic, having initially asked for PEP because of an accident involving a failed condom that occurred over the weekend.

This came as a shock, as anybody can imagine, totally wasn't expecting it. I was expecting more like 'yes, just carry on taking the medication as prescribed'. Out of all the things out there I've been wondering why I had to catch this. You read about statistics and what-have-you about hiv on the internet and would never think you would get it.

What angered me was I kept wondering to myself 'how on earth did I get it'?
I have always been the most hypercondriac individual ever, constantly asking questions, to my sexual partners dismay whether they're clean, practise safe sex, and always looking over after being screwed to see if the condom was still on their willy.

I've always practised safe sex, which is what has probably shocked me the most. Ok, so some of you guys might think he must've done it bb, though I can assure you, I would not think twice about using a condom.

Anyways, at that point being told my brain just flooded with emotions- didn't know whether to cry, run, laugh; I just sat there trying to take in the information fed to me by these two health consultants.

I knew from that point on my life would change, but not so soon at 29?! I felt like I had nothing left in life, wasn't sure if my parents would understand, as coming from an Asian background they probably think you could cure it with herbal tea. So for now I thought I'd keep them in the dark...

I called my bf of 7.5 years, maybe a bit too selfish of me as he had a big project he was working on and this was probably the last thing he needed to know. Though I thought 'screw your project, I'm calling ya!'
He took it far worse than I did, I think, which kinda made me nervous, though I did assure him I would always be the same guy he met all those years ago, albeit a little, little different. He's been asking me to keep healthy, going to the gym, fresh fruit everyday; he is right, isn't he?

I've a few friends I've discussed this with, they've been supportive. I definitely feel much better talking to someone rather than keeping it in the dark. One if them is pos too. He gave me great encouragement and said he was there for me if needed. I'm just so worried about change...

Hey ho, thought I'd get some stuff of my chest. Prob a lot more i wanna say, but head going funny...
They did take two more vials of my blood for some reason which I've forgotten, possibly to see if it matches my initial blood. But we'll wait and see when they call me next week...

Ann:
When a person is given PEP following a possible exposure, they are usually given a rapid hiv test first. If this rapid test is negative, the person can continue with PEP.

If the rapid test is positive, further testing must be done in order to confirm the positive result. This normally takes the form of further antibody testing (ELISA) as well as the confirmatory test, the Western Blot.

The confirmatory tests can usually be run from one vial of blood, but it is possible that they took two in order to also run further tests, such as viral load. This would be in case your result is a true positive - you'd be one step ahead in finding out where you stand.

One is NOT considered to have been diagnosed as hiv positive until the confirmatory tests come back positive as well.

You may have had a false positive result, so hang in there until the new test results come back.

Until you've had the confirmatory test back, please post in this thread only as you have not yet been diagnosed as hiv positive. Thanks.

Ann

mecch:
Hello welcome to the forums.

Sorry for the diagnosis and the stress and fear you'll have to work through now.  For most people its a shock.

Read some lessons here.

The test at the GUM clinic. They took blood yesterday and that is what came up positive?  This may have been a rapid test.  So the new blood they have taken might be for the confirmation of HIV infection by more thorough analysis.  And also, if its confirmed, there will be more blood tests to see what kind of virus, your cd4, your viral load, and many other functions...
 
(OK Ann explained this, above)  ;D

I don't know why you "would never think you would get it".  Afterall, you thought you COULD get it --- that is why you were so scrupulous about safesex practices! Unfortunately, assuming you are HIV+ now, then you've had a bad break. 

It is natural to be frustrated and confused about not being able to identify the risk.  However, its pretty pointless.  That it is pointless will probably take some time to sink in.  Some people can NEVER identify the risk that led to infection, so you might end up in that category.  At the end of it all, for a HIV+ person, how they got it is usually not all that important in the grand scheme of living the rest of your life.  If it was by an unknown accident, that's just bad luck. 

If the condom break occurred last weekend, rest assured, THAT was not the source of your infection because you don't turn up positive a few days after contact.

You did the right thing telling some people right away. Obviously you had to tell you bf.  Hope that sorts itself out as things go along.  Also, you asked this question:  "He's been asking me to keep healthy, going to the gym, fresh fruit everyday; he is right, isn't he?"

No he may be thinking wrongly here.  Like the joke you said about your parents.  Drinking tea or following alternative medicines of some cultures - nope, that's not going to cure or stop HIV.  Nor is going to the gym, eating fresh fruit....


There is no amount of "healthy living" that does anything all that much about how a body is going to deal with an HIV infection....   Healthy living is important for EVERYONE.  Doesn't much fight HIV.

The thing to know is that a person diagnosed HIV+ will go to a doctor regularly from now on, and health care  will follow the progress of his/her infection and recommend appropriate treatments at the appropriate time.  Its the medicine that finally stops HIV replication. Not anything else.  And its quite really genetics that will determine how someone fights HIV. 

(Lastly, a little aside.  Probably best for yourself and your relations with other HIV+ people if you can drop the unthinking reflex to call an HIV- person "clean".  I know its just what people say, but from now on really you don't want to encourage in your mind, a dichotomy of "clean" and "dirty" people based on some stupid virus.)

So, finally, maybe in the end that will be a false positive. I hope so!

emeraldize:
Hi OMD,

Your approach to sharing information with others is yours alone, not right or wrong, but yours.

We all hope you get a different test result.

Call me crazy, but I think if healthy living can have an effect on the immune system it can have an effect on a response to HIV.  My first ID doc was of the same mindset.

Our collective fingers are crossed for you. And, if you're confirmed positive you've got a friend who's positive and a resource here.

Ohmydays:
Hello and thanks for the replies :-)

On the initial visit I was surprised they didn't do a rapid HIV test on me, rather they took a few vials of blood from my arm and gave me a 5 day supply of PEP.
Maybe because it was a trip to the A&E department of the hospital and that they weren't too familiar with it all...

I was asked to go in the next day to the hospitals GUM clinic to have more blood taken and was given more PEP. 4 days later I was asked asked to come down to the clinic for a chat, which is when they disclosed to me my results. They took more blood (I must've had a billion holes in my arm by then) but was told that it was used to confirm whether the blood today matches the blood taken on the second day visit, in case they made a mistake. I asked them to give me a rapid HIV test which came out pos too.

Sorry about the sort of lingo used, you hear it so often, but never really think much of it. It's until you dissect it that you think to yourself that it's an inappropriate word.

Yes, obviously with every sexual encounter you do have a margin of risk. From a young age you get taught (well, I did) that you should always practise safe sex, something I've adhered too always; drives me up the wall sometimes. And I did, at the back of my mind know that nothing it 100% absolutely safe. It's following all the rules, everything you have learnt over the years and knowing that it has turned around and bitten you on the arse that hurts the most.

I'm aware that at this moment it doesn't matter how I got it, but rather I should focus on the bigger picture. I know that it might take a while to sink in too, that's the most painful part. At the end of the day I don't want to hurt anyone and not to be a burden, which I know doesn't have to be the case. I'm glad I have a supportive bf - talking to him over the phone just now made me burst in tears. Actually, I've been meaning to ball my eyes out for a while now! No matter how hard a try I just can't cry! But this incident certainly has made it easier :p

Yes, so who knows, there might still be a chance- I'll have to go in again next week sometime for more blood tests. I hate blood tests!

Anyways, sorry excuse my British humour, it can be rather dry at times...

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version