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Author Topic: Secret gay handshakes  (Read 5448 times)

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Offline GSOgymrat

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Secret gay handshakes
« on: November 29, 2012, 11:35:55 AM »
So we get a new mental health counselor in our office and after a couple of shifts she passes me a folded note that say "I'm family too but don't tell anybody." This woman is 37 years old. I'm thinking, is this 1980? Am I suddenly back in high school? I just meet you and you are trying to swear me to secrecy? She is working in an office of mental health professionals, none of whom would bat an eye at sexual orientation, but I remind myself there is nothing wrong with keeping private life separate from work life. So later in the shift people are talking about their Christmas decorations and after I describe mine she says "God, you are such a gay boy" in a snide voice.

I think she has some issues to work out but regardless, in the US in this day and age are we still keeping up the secret gay society?

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2012, 11:47:57 AM »
Don't you live in North Carolina?  Everyone is at their own point on the path of disclosure with orientation Ford.  Maybe she just came out?  Maybe she's just a very private person?  She sounds fairly immature but I wouldn't judge her quite so harshly.  Although passing a note is hilarious lol.

Offline wolfter

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2012, 12:29:04 PM »
Oh my, seems like a strange bird to me.  At her age in 2012, why is this even an issue?  Not sure if I'd want her counseling services.

I recalled a memory that I had forgotten about the "family" comment.  My bestie the other Greg and I were out running around and shopping.  Even though we grew up in the same area, he always was more aware of things than I was/am.  I'm not sure if I'm dense or naive? 

This gorgeous clerk was quite anxious to help us.  He seemed to be almost too interested in helping me.  He was super friendly and mentioned he thought we were family.  Since we were not from that area, I indicated that I doubted it.

After leaving, I mentioned that it was funny that this guy thought I was related to him.  He then tells me that was his way of letting me know he was interested in me.  When I asked him why he didn't clue me in, he explained that since the clerk was only interested in me, he wasn't helping me get laid.   ;D

I've not heard anyone use this terms in ages.

Wolfie
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2012, 12:36:55 PM »
So we get a new mental health counselor in our office and after a couple of shifts she passes me a folded note that say "I'm family too but don't tell anybody." This woman is 37 years old. I'm thinking, is this 1980? Am I suddenly back in high school? I just meet you and you are trying to swear me to secrecy? She is working in an office of mental health professionals, none of whom would bat an eye at sexual orientation, but I remind myself there is nothing wrong with keeping private life separate from work life. So later in the shift people are talking about their Christmas decorations and after I describe mine she says "God, you are such a gay boy" in a snide voice.

I think she has some issues to work out but regardless, in the US in this day and age are we still keeping up the secret gay society?

Seriously?  Passing notes?  She is a a mental health counselor, who is afraid to be out at work, but has no problem calling you a "gay boy"?  She definitely has some issues to work out.  Not just with self-acceptance, but trying to engage you in her game of secrecy sounds like it could be manipulation or control issues too.  I wouldn't want to get caught up in that.  And her "such a gay boy" comment seems inappropriate to me.

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Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2012, 12:38:42 PM »
Don't you live in North Carolina?  Everyone is at their own point on the path of disclosure with orientation Ford.  Maybe she just came out?  Maybe she's just a very private person?  She sounds fairly immature but I wouldn't judge her quite so harshly.  Although passing a note is hilarious lol.

I suppose if she just came out at 37, which was not the impression she gave, I can understand it but living in Greensboro is not really a legitimate excuse anymore. If she is a private person, which I totally appreciate, why is she telling a coworker whom she met 10 minutes ago at a new job? If she wants me to keep her sexual orientation a secret why is she calling me out on mine in a negative way in front of colleagues? Annoying.

The issue I find more interesting is how much longer are we as gay people going to keep ourselves secret? I grew up with code words, the secret social networks where you pretend not to know each other in public, etc and honestly thought we had moved beyond that. Everyone needs to find their own path, coming out is still a transition and not everyone needs to tell the world their business but as a group are we still supporting the closet as a healthy way to live your life? Do we still need to pass secret notes under the table? In the US are we still at the point where we need fake marriages to people of the opposite sex?

I recognize part of this is my own stuff. I've been out so long and I have seen the days when the world for gay people was so different. There was no internet and it was difficult to even find gay people. You worried about getting arrested every time you went to a club. There were no gay people on TV. The local newspaper listed the names and addresses of people caught at rest areas committing "crimes against nature." Many people didn't even know what homosexuality really was. I wonder whether young people today can really understand. Now gay marriage is a national political topic... this would have seemed insane when I was growing up. So we are in this transitional place where some gay people are legally married and having kids and other gay people are 37 years old and passing secret notes to strangers under the desk at work.

I've not heard anyone use this terms in ages.

She also asked me if another male coworker "attended our church" which was another phrase I had not heard in years.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2012, 12:41:06 PM by GSOgymrat »

Offline wolfter

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2012, 12:43:51 PM »


She also asked me if another male coworker "attended our church" which was another phrase I had not heard in years.

Damn, there's another phrase I've never heard of regarding sexuality.  If I was ever asked, I probably answered that I attended The White Chapel Baptist Church.... :o

I really needed a handbook I guess.  Luckily, the acts came naturally.
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline mitch777

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2012, 12:58:09 PM »
i would be very tempted to pass along a note to her explaining your concerns in a very direct way.
she was so unprofessional in announcing your sexuality.
SHE is the one that needs some councelling! >:(
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Offline Jeff G

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2012, 02:15:26 PM »
Hi Ford ... I would have been terribly offended and also a bit of feeling sorry for this woman if it had happend to me .

There are way to many good things that you shared with us about your thoughts on this matter for me to point out but it should be required reading for those people who refuse to come out when the only real reason they don't is sheer laziness and apathy . Its attitudes like hers that sends gay youth the message something is wrong with them and does more harm than most people can fathom . 

I do realize that for some people in some places what I said doesn't apply but it certainly seems to fit this individual . I feel strongly about this , its more than a pet peeve for me .     

Offline mecch

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #8 on: November 29, 2012, 03:07:05 PM »
The notes and secrecy aside. The fake snide public put down of your sexuality suggests a self-hating bully?  Be careful around this person.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2012, 03:08:57 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2012, 03:58:42 PM »
So later in the shift people are talking about their Christmas decorations and after I describe mine she says "God, you are such a gay boy" in a snide voice.

If she wants me to keep her sexual orientation a secret why is she calling me out on mine in a negative way in front of colleagues?

She also asked me if another male coworker "attended our church" which was another phrase I had not heard in years.

The note was pretty stupid, but the parts the I quoted are more annoying.  I think she's gonna be a shit-stirrer.  I wouldn't recommend this one as an acquaintance.


... people who refuse to come out when the only real reason they don't is sheer laziness and apathy . Its attitudes like hers that sends gay youth the message something is wrong with them and does more harm than most people can fathom . 

++
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline OneTampa

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #10 on: November 29, 2012, 07:40:39 PM »
Oh, this brings on the memories.

I remember back in the 70s we used the code term "Oh, he is one of the 'children'."

Or when someone was getting all dolled up to go out, we would say, "Look, I guess you're beating that face for the hunt!".

Other code phrases were:  "He's sensitive."  "He's special."  "He's, you know, 'funny'."  "You know his clock reads 3:45."

 ::)
« Last Edit: November 29, 2012, 07:43:11 PM by OneTampa »
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Offline Jody

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #11 on: November 29, 2012, 08:49:18 PM »
A whispering voice wants you to know that today's password is:

Penguin  :D
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Offline Hellraiser

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #12 on: November 29, 2012, 09:22:13 PM »
A whispering voice wants you to know that today's password is:

Penguin  :D

How is your "penguin" doing?

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #13 on: November 29, 2012, 09:51:14 PM »
So we get a new mental health counselor in our office and after a couple of shifts she passes me a folded note that say "I'm family too but don't tell anybody."

So later in the shift people are talking about their Christmas decorations and after I describe mine she says "God, you are such a gay boy" in a snide voice.


Yikes - she was unprofessional in both instances. That comment was completely inappropriate. Hope you kept the note and make a simple diary with date/time/location of these interactions. I would stay away from her as much as is possible.

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #14 on: November 29, 2012, 09:55:03 PM »
Oh, this brings on the memories.

I remember back in the 70s we used the code term "Oh, he is one of the 'children'."

Or when someone was getting all dolled up to go out, we would say, "Look, I guess you're beating that face for the hunt!".

Other code phrases were:  "He's sensitive."  "He's special."  "He's, you know, 'funny'."  "You know his clock reads 3:45."

 ::)

Reminds me of this old Bloom County cartoon:


Offline mecch

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #15 on: November 29, 2012, 10:31:15 PM »
"You know his clock reads 3:45."

what is this, a visual? it means he lies flat and takes it up the butt, thus he's a homo?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline OneTampa

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #16 on: November 30, 2012, 08:30:16 PM »
"You know his clock reads 3:45."

what is this, a visual? it means he lies flat and takes it up the butt, thus he's a homo?

Exactly.  My first long term partner of 15 years revealed to me about 5 years in, that one of his basketball  buddies whispered that phrase to him after I walked by when they first saw me. Turns out that time on the clock phrase applied to my partner as well.  And, goodness knows, my partner was creative.  ;) 
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaíto frito."

Offline Raf

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #17 on: November 30, 2012, 09:30:44 PM »
I would avoid this "counselor" if I were you, with such comments I don't doubt she would be a shit stirrer, as rev said.
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Offline mikeyb39

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #18 on: December 01, 2012, 09:02:35 AM »
i always tell folks how much easier it is to be out these days.  I remember in college back in the early 90's, noone had internet or computers, there was no gay 'groups' at my college either. little louisiana college town.  It would have been nice to have had the internet for social purposes.  You had to sneak around to find gay folks.

I had to have sex with my straight buds.  which happened a few times honestly.
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Offline mecch

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #19 on: December 01, 2012, 09:42:44 AM »
Exactly.  My first long term partner of 15 years revealed to me about 5 years in, that one of his basketball  buddies whispered that phrase to him after I walked by when they first saw me. Turns out that time on the clock phrase applied to my partner as well.  And, goodness knows, my partner was creative.  ;)

I hate that I get a little thrill when straight hotties say clever things about fudge packers.  My tough cousins use to crack butt sex jokes and the two who were best at it (not mean and hateful, more provocative and lighthearted) were prototype metrosexuals, you know really well-groomed almost pretty footballers with feathered 70's hair, pucca shells and tight thin designer jeans. 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #20 on: December 01, 2012, 10:10:47 AM »
I hate that I get a little thrill when straight hotties say clever things about fudge packers. 

So many things are wrong with this statement.  Yuk!
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #21 on: December 01, 2012, 06:08:21 PM »
  I think she's gonna be a shit-stirrer.  I wouldn't recommend this one as an acquaintance.

Your instincts are accurate. My second interaction didn't go well.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #22 on: December 01, 2012, 06:41:26 PM »
Your instincts are accurate. My second interaction didn't go well.

You leave us wanting more , please do tell  ;) .

Offline wolfter

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #23 on: December 01, 2012, 06:43:14 PM »

I had to have sex with my straight buds.  which happened a few times honestly.

I've mentioned before that I've had sex with more straight men then gay men.  The 80's were such a confusing time for many.  I still get hit on by married/committed men quite often. 
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline wolfter

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #24 on: December 01, 2012, 06:43:58 PM »
Your instincts are accurate. My second interaction didn't go well.

cum now, don't leave us hanging.
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline Raf

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #25 on: December 01, 2012, 09:09:22 PM »
cum now, don't leave us hanging.

Yup I wanna know too  :-[
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Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #26 on: December 01, 2012, 09:45:44 PM »
I don't want to get into it on an open forum but for starters the next time I saw her was when she came to my desk, while I was discussing a clinical case with a physician, specifically to ask if she could feel my pecs. My answer was a terse "no."

Fortunately we won't be working together.

Offline wolfter

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #27 on: December 02, 2012, 12:35:02 AM »
We all kinda usurped your thread, but it was fun going down memory lane.  In all seriousness, we all know, just like you, that this person needs...???

This might be a deeper psychosis issue.  I worked with her twin about 15 years ago.  He totally freaked me out to the point where I gave my boss a statement about his  behavior.  I didn't say "if" he freaks out, I said "when". 

It's all depending on your corporate cultures on how to deal with annoyance.  I'd certainly avoid her.

But, you certainly can't blame her for wanting to touch your muscles. :o
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Offline thunter34

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #28 on: December 02, 2012, 01:02:21 AM »
This thread has had me tripping since "she's the new mental health counselor".

Wow.

More issues than a corner newstand.

Annoying, unnerving and all that...but ultimately just kinda pathetic.

Bleh.

Sorry, Ford.

I am glad you don't have to directly work with her, because in my opinion she is rapidly forcing you into a sexual harassment type of situation.  I just don't think this is cool.  At all.
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Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #29 on: December 02, 2012, 04:25:43 AM »
I don't want to get into it on an open forum but for starters the next time I saw her was when she came to my desk, while I was discussing a clinical case with a physician, specifically to ask if she could feel my pecs. My answer was a terse "no."

Fortunately we won't be working together.

I'm thinking that if you don't report her to her supervisor and/or her local professional organization, you'll wish you had.
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Offline spacebarsux

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #30 on: December 02, 2012, 05:00:39 AM »
Tricky pickle, this one.

The ethics of being closeted or out aside, I don't entirely get why a closeted homosexual would make such ridiculous overtures and advances to an out homosexual in the first place. She's obviously got her own issues and for some reason she's keen to involve you in her mess. Or maybe she can't find enough people like her.

Stay away from her and her riddles.

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Offline Ann

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #31 on: December 02, 2012, 08:05:34 AM »
I'm thinking that if you don't report her to her supervisor and/or her local professional organization, you'll wish you had.


^^this X 1000. If I were you, I'd start a log of each and every instance where she does or says something inappropriate - and who was also present, when applicable. At this rate it will be as long as War and Peace in no time.

And consider this - she sounds like a person who, if you continue to only interact with her to issue a terse "no", will try to turn the tables on you and report you for some imaginary transgressions. She's starting to sound like someone who craves attention at any cost and will not react to rejection well.

Please cover your ass! (Um, sounds like you might need to do that both literally and figuratively!)

How did she ever pass the interview process to get the job in the first place? She sounds more like a client than a mental health care provider.
« Last Edit: December 02, 2012, 08:08:22 AM by Ann »
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Offline AlanBama

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #32 on: December 03, 2012, 05:46:12 PM »
She sounds like a kook. (that's southern for NUT).  Just be wary of her.

I might have asked to 'feel your pecs' myself, but hopefully not in front of someone else  ;)
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Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #33 on: December 03, 2012, 06:38:36 PM »
I might have asked to 'feel your pecs' myself, but hopefully not in front of someone else  ;)

Judgment is not upon all occasions required, but discretion always is.   ;)

Offline Raf

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #34 on: December 03, 2012, 08:31:39 PM »
I agree with ann and JK, don't let pass another "interaction" like last one without reporting her. This woman have some issues, really.
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Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #35 on: December 03, 2012, 08:56:39 PM »
I think you should ask her out for drinks.
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Offline Dale Parker

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Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #36 on: December 29, 2012, 01:00:11 AM »
I think that this woman has serious issues. You should report her as she will definitely cause problems in the future that could be really messy. She sounded like a strange one in your first post but the feeling your pecs while you were with a physician is totally out of line.

On the coded messages topic I'm really surprised that this one didn't come up. The first one that I heard was "Are you a friend of Dorthy.".  My favorite T-shirt reads:
Aunty Em
Hate you
Hate Kansas
Taking the dog
Dorthy

The older crowd at work (50 years plus) get a good laugh out of it. The younger ones need to have it explained to them.
 
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May 10  CD4 252 CD4/CD8 12% VL UD
Aug 10 CD4 211 VL UD
Nov 10 CD4 272 CD4/CD8 0.138 VL UD

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,700
Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #37 on: December 29, 2012, 01:23:49 AM »

On the coded messages topic I'm really surprised that this one didn't come up. The first one that I heard was "Are you a friend of Dorthy.".  My favorite T-shirt reads:
Aunty Em
Hate you
Hate Kansas
Taking the dog
Dorthy

The older crowd at work (50 years plus) get a good laugh out of it. The younger ones need to have it explained to them.
 

I'm 47 and have just started learning these code words.   It probably explains when the Air Force Base sent me to Junction City, Kansas (Fort Riley) to help them implement a BRAC budget that I was so hated.  I had to be there for 3 weeks and it was the most boring place I've ever witnessed.  We were at the base canteen one evening enjoying a few drinks and I clicked my heels and said "There's no place like".   ;D

You mean to tell me I outed myself to that entire group of hot men?

Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,140
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #38 on: December 29, 2012, 02:20:31 AM »
You clicked your heels and you're a man.  Dead give away.

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,811
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #39 on: December 30, 2012, 06:48:50 AM »
I've forgot the movie's name but the secret code for those in the know was "Friends of Dorothy," relating to "The Wizard of Oz."  The movie was about United States military personnel hiding in the closet during World War II.

I think she may has issues and I hope she is not a trouble maker.

the movie's name is "Common Ground: (2000) starring Brintney Murphy and Jason Priestley
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline gulfcoastFL

  • Member
  • Posts: 19
Re: Secret gay handshakes
« Reply #40 on: January 16, 2013, 07:52:57 PM »
The note is curious but everybody is different in their own developement and
experiences. Could have been quite an act of courage on her part, who knows.


So we get a new mental health counselor in our office and after a couple of shifts she passes me a folded note that say "I'm family too but don't tell anybody."
,
Mikeyb39...                                                                                                   I didn't have internet or any of those ways guys have now either. But the way you
describe the "straight" college buds back in, I think in LA, sounds exhilerating. Probably not but
just that fun in the danger and in the chase.  :o
« Last Edit: January 16, 2013, 07:59:49 PM by gulfcoastFL »
"We all think and feel differently as the years go by"  Thank you, Grey Gardens.

 


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