Main Forums > I Just Tested Poz

a little over a month, on meds, and have a delusional way of thinking

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thanks jg - that makes me feel good that you can recognize that in me. thanks!

Postergirl;  Welcome to the forums and sorry you need to be here. As you can already see - you have found a great place for information and support.  I have a few more months than you, but what I can already see is that it gets better with time. 

The fact that you are worried about negative thoughts and action says that you are aware of the right things.  I understand the concern about finding love in the long run, but it may help to focus on a good support system (counselor, support group, friends, family, etc.) in the short run.

Again, welcome and I wish you well,


Is is just a little over a month that you got a diagnosis?  And on meds directly?

Its takes some people some time to get "a reset" after diagnosis, and realize that we aren't typhoid marys.  There are a lot of viruses that people carry around for life.  With successful treatment ours isn't all that hideous biologically, but it has enormous social and moral baggage. 

The only way forward is to realize you are far far far much bigger and more complicated and alive and worthwhile, than an itsy bitsy virus.

Jm and Mecc - thanks for responding.
Jm, I'm not so much concerned with my condition as I am with my mental health about the condition. I ultimately feel like I have no time stamp on my forehead and that I'm going to be able to lead a full and productive life but I have ptsd and sexual trauma that got me to my status of positive that I'm dealing with which has a huge part to do with how I feel unacceptable by and anyone so with my therapist and staying on my meds I know I can overcome these fears it's just sometimes I have really great days and sometimes I have really bad days. I'm tired of being objectified as someone to use and discard and I've been done that way a lot or shall I say I've allowed myself to be done that way. Now I want to be able to deal with the newness of my status and move on positively.

Mecch - yeah my doctor immediately suggested meds for me and I didn't disagree so I decided to give it a try. I have a high cd4 count which is good but I also have a high viral load count and I know before I become intimate with another person that I would like to achieve "undetectable". I have a lot of faith that if I stick with my regimen and keep a positive attitude that I can reach the stars. thanks for posting!


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