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a little over a month, on meds, and have a delusional way of thinking

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hello all - nice to meet you - i've been around for a month now but too shy and afraid to post. i've had my news for over a month now and have started to stribild. i've been on it for a little over a week and it makes me soo tired... anyhow that's not my problem.

my problem is i have this delusion that i'll never find love and that i might hurt anyone i come into contact with. keeping it all inside is killing me and knowing that i have limitations now hurts as i'm sure you all are dealing with... how do i keep myself in a more positive mindset and keep my head up.. i don't want to further damage my psyche by negative thought and action. any advice is welcome. thanks for having me. -echo

It's been a pretty lonely month and a half for me as well.  I haven't told any friends or family, and every time I think about dating, I instantly think about the possible rejection, or having to explain to someone about my status.

Before I was diagnosed I was starting to pursue a neighbor to date, and now I have pretty much given up on it.  It's not that I'm no longer interested, I just don't want to have to reveal my status to her, and I don't think she would be willing to date me because of that either.  Now when I see her I just have to smile and pretend.  As much as we would all like to dream that people won't treat us differently, reality is a whole different thing.

I don't know if I will ever find anyone now, regardless if others have done it or not.  I'm sure a few will chime in here and tell us how they found someone, and good for them for doing so, that doesn't mean it's the same for everyone.

For me what I have let consume my and my thoughts for now has been other stuff, namely swimming and eating right.  I figure I can make myself feel good, and once that happens I might be able to attract someone with my good attitude and feelings.  Yesterday I was able to go out and buy a bunch of new jeans because my old ones are now too big.

Ultimately though people in our situation just have to let things play out as they are meant to be.  As a girl it might be easier for you to eventually find someone then it is for a guy, but who knows. 

Find something you can do for yourself that will make you feel good, even if we can't have someone, we always have ourselves.  Who knows, maybe I'll just find a nice poz girl someday to date!

welcome to the forums.  There are many here here who can articulate far better than me and I'm sure they'll be along to offer their wisdom.  Just wanted to welcome you and I'm glad you've found this site.  Lots of great people around here.


thanks windy and wolfer

windy - i totally feel ya on what your saying. i just don't want to have unrealistic thoughts. i want to stay as "positive" pardon the pun as possible. i try to live each day with something to be grateful for and a smile on my face but then my bad days do come and get me down.. but then i start fresh the next day - so  that's good. thanks for your reply!

Jeff G:
Welcome to the Forums Postergirl . I can read in your post that you are trying to move forward in life and that's a huge deal in itself . Give yourself permission to feel exactly as you are and give it some time . I found talking about it and counseling helped me when I felt as you do right now . If tough times and feeling helpless and hopeless was damaging to my psyche I wouldn't have a psyche left LOL . It also a good thing you realize you cant allow yourself to walk around depressed and sad forever , so keep on talking about it and get some help if you need it and in time things will get better .   


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