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Someone I knew died Tuesday evening of AIDS.

He needn't have. He actually did very well on meds, but he decided he didn't want to take them.

He hadn't been positive all that long (not as long as I and some of the other LTS people have.)

He wasn't having any particular side effects, nor was he suffering from any other physical ailment.

He did have mental health issues, but he would not address them and refused any assistance.

So, he stopped his meds about two years ago. I watched as he wasted, became thinner, weaker and as he became less and less able to care for himself.

I arranged for home hospice for him, because he refused to go into the hospital or nursing home.

It occurred to me that his death process could be a great leaning tool for many of the younger people who are more recently positive.

I have seen hundreds die like this, but most younger people haven't seen anyone die of this horrible collection of diseases.

Ethics, and probably morals, prevailed and I didn't act on this idea, but I do wish others could have seen this.

Then fewer would be complaining about their one pill a day, or the relatively frequent doctor visits, etc.

I am not discounting these concerns, but I would like to put them into perspective, the "big picture," if you would.

Most interestingly, the guy's mother, who was with him the last few days of his life, was actually relieved by her son's passing.

I guess the strain of seeing him as he lay there was more than she was able to deal with for very long.

I can understand why.



I hope he finds peace in his life. I can sees that Living with HIV is 50% in my mind, its not all about medication, blood test. We all have to accept that this virus might stay with us until the day we die, and we have to make a life out of it, even thought we have to change everything in life to make that happen.

Hey Mark,

Believe it or not, I also have two friends in Hawaii who are in the last stages of the disease.  They are partners and have fought this thing together for over 25 years.  Hospice has been called in which usually means the inevitable.  I really wish I could be there with them.  Like you, I've lost so many friends, been at the bedside of many, and lots of memorials.  Not so much these days, a blessing, but the same sadness comes over me when it happens as it did in the old days. 

I'm sorry for your loss.



Jeff G:
Thank you for sharing this story and I'm sorry for your loss .

Many of us that are fortunate enough to become a LTS will have to struggle with trying to find the way to show the newly infected that you can go on to live a full life if you can come to terms and except the responsibility's that comes with living with HIV .

I have had people come into my life who for whatever reason cant or wont except the diagnosis and as time goes on and you see them pretty much stuck in the same place , in denial or just not caring anymore what happens to themselves and its heartbreaking because you know that the disease will eat away at their spirit and eventually the body will follow .

I have that fear from time to time for new members on this forum , its always a wonderful day when they come around and take the next few steps out of fear and back into living again and you know they have a good of a chance as any of us at a happy life , a diffrent life than what they had planned but a good one none the less . 

Mark;  My condolences, what a sad situation.  While I am recently diagnosed, I have been somewhat close to the suffering of this disease a few times over the last 20 years - but nowhere near what others here have witnessed.  I am thankful for the treatment that we have today, and would like to see it more available to others that need it too.

Again, I am sorry for your loss and I hope you and his family find peace.



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