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a little honesty

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wolfter:
I've been keeping something pretty much a secret and have had to lie about it.  This betrayal of self is really starting to eat at me and I'm struggling between depression and anger.  I've not felt I could discuss it with anyone but I'm about to explode.  It's pretty much affecting every aspect of my life.

About 2 weeks prior to my broken leg, my brother (the one I always brag about) started acting weird and spewed anger at me easily.  One night after quite a few drinks, he called me a f***ing faggot and I was shocked and scared.  I kinda marked it up to alcohol consumption. 

The truth of my accident is, that it wasn't an accident.  I didn't even see it coming.  We had just returned to the post after playing euchre at an away game.  As I sat on the barstool, he charged at me, knocking me and the stool to the ground.  He has tried everything possible to make it up and I know he really feels sorry about it.  We've had a few heart to hearts since and I witnessed him cry about it.  He's typically not a violent person and has no idea why he did it.

Another part that eats at me continuously was my mother's actions regarding the entire situation.  She immediately set about orchestrating the cover up.  That's the real reason I didn't go to the hospital til the next day.  She spoke up and told the hospital personell that I fell in the yard and twisted it.  She seemed more concerned about protecting my brother than she did about my pain and misery.

She chose to go visit one of her sisters and I was left alone for that first week after I was dismissed.  I struggled to feed myself and take care of simple tasks.  Then today, my brother brought me his wife's exercise bike so I can work on my recovery.  My mother threw a fit and didn't want it in her living room.  At that point I became pissed.  Really???  The idea of that thing being in the living room for a while is more important than what I'm dealing with?

There were obviously a few people who witnessed what happened and I have a difficult time holding onto this falsehood in front of them.  I've been very vague when questioned about my leg. 

Another hurdle I have to overcome is with my doctor.  He mentioned a bone density test as a simple incident shouldn't cause such traumatic injury.  Again, my mother got upset when I indicated that I plan on telling him the truth.  I'm not going through unneeded and costly medical procedures based on a lie.  It's not fair to waste other peoples' time and energy over a falsehood.

Her main concern is again with my brother.  She is worried that he'll report it.  I'm pretty sure I can convince him not to but that's secondary in my opinion.  It could affect his job since he's the manager where it happened.

I'm grateful I have a place to vent and share things.  Hopefully this will alleviate some of this built up stress that's even affecting my ability to sleep.  Holding onto this lie has created havoc on my mental outlook. 

I feel much better getting this out.  I've so freaking wanted to scream it out loud.

Wolfie

RVW123:
(((Wolfter)))

 I'm shocked and saddened to read this. I don't know what to say really, but didn't want to say nothing. I'm sure someone will have some practical advice on dealing with your mum and brother- it sounds like they have their own issues, but it's not right to project them onto you and completely wrong to hurt you, physically and emotionally because of them. There is no excuse for that.

I see what you are saying about the doctor and the repercussions this is having for you. I really think you have to tell the truth. Protecting your brother cannot come before your health in any way. Could you blur the lines by saying what happened, but not who did it? Just an incident in a bar? Ignore that if you are uncomfortable with it- I'm just thinking aloud really.

I'm glad getting it out here has helped. I'm sorry you've been going through this on top of the injury- which is hopefully on the mend. I'm sure wiser souls than me will be along with some good advice soon!

Ann:
If you ask me, honesty is always the best policy particularly when dealing with bullies. Tell the truth about the situation - and if it impacts negatively on your brother's life, so be it. He's an adult and should be held responsible for the damage, pain and suffering his actions have caused you and are continuing to cause you.

And tell your mother to stop whining about the exercise bike. Jeeze.

Sorry you were subjected to such violence from a family member. Just because he's a family member doesn't mean you have to protect him - and if you continue to protect him, next time it may be worse, and there probably will be a next time when alcohol is involved.

Look at it this way - if he was just another patron or employee of the bar, would you still be protecting him and lying about what actually happened? My guess is NO. I wouldn't treat this situation any differently.

And yes, I've been the victim of family violence in the past and how I wish I'd handled it differently back then. A violent bully is a violent bully, regardless of blood-ties. In fact, it's even worse coming from a family member.

By the way, the bone density test may not be a bad idea - it's totally possible that the break was worse than it might have been if you're having bone density problems of which you are unaware. Bone density problems are fairly common in we pozzies and more so as we age.

Jeff G:
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this , no one deserves that kind of treatment .

Just don't know what else to say buddy , sorry .   

Basquo:

--- Quote from: wolfter on November 21, 2012, 03:06:56 AM ---
 He has tried everything possible to make it up and I know he really feels sorry about it.  We've had a few heart to hearts since and I witnessed him cry about it.  He's typically not a violent person and has no idea why he did it.


--- End quote ---

Wolfter, what would you tell a battered wife if she said this to you? For God's sake, he broke your leg. I understand that you might not want to go shouting it down the holler but I think you all need help, counseling or something, especially him and your mom. If he tells and gets into trouble, it sounds like your mom might blame you. This is pretty twisted.

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