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Author Topic: My 1st gay experience. afraid  (Read 3546 times)

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Offline difloripa

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My 1st gay experience. afraid
« on: November 08, 2012, 10:29:38 AM »
Hi. Ill try to be short. I met a guy over internet and had sex. It was my first gay experience. I was a bottom. I did unprotected oral on him during shower for about 30 second, he did not come into my mouth.

Then he penetrated me,and he used a condom. I checked it was there all the time. I noticed sometimes it was not covering his entire penis, but the head of the penis was covered all the time. He did not cum.

Was i at any risk? I dont know his hiv status and now im scared to death. Ended by being my biggest mistake. Im married and dont want to put my wife at any risk. Feel so stupid and afraid now..

This morning i noticed a sore in my gum, not sure if it was therewhen i was doing oral. It all happened before yesterday.

 Please help me.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2012, 11:55:48 AM »
As long as the head of the other guy's penis was covered during anal intercourse you have nothing to worry about in terms of HIV risk. The only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. Properly worn condoms provide very effective protection against HIV.

Other STDs are easier to acquire so if you are going to be having sex outside of your marriage it would be a good idea to have a checkup at least annually for all STDs and 6 months would be even better.

As long as you always use condoms for intercourse it doesn't matter if the other guy is HIV+ because condoms do the job.
Andy Velez

Offline difloripa

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #2 on: November 08, 2012, 05:12:56 PM »
Andy, many thanks for your prompt reply. I feel alleviated.

My greatest concern was if the condom was properly used. I read a lot this term "properly" used. And I got very worried because the condom wasn't all the time covering the entire penis. Later I started to freak out about the possibilities. Including the oral sex - because precum and my gum open sore.

A HIV test is recommended because of this episode I described?

Sorry if I'm repeating myself. I got too nervous (still am) and having headaches all day long (I usually never have).


Thanks again and kudos for this wonderful job you guys do here.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2012, 06:37:29 PM »
Andy, many thanks for your prompt reply. I feel alleviated.

My greatest concern was if the condom was properly used. I read a lot this term "properly" used. And I got very worried because the condom wasn't all the time covering the entire penis. Later I started to freak out about the possibilities. Including the oral sex - because precum and my gum open sore.

A HIV test is recommended because of this episode I described?

Sorry if I'm repeating myself. I got too nervous (still am) and having headaches all day long (I usually never have).


Thanks again and kudos for this wonderful job you guys do here.

Am HIV test, while always recommended as part of a semi-annual STD panel, is NOT necessary for the situation as you described.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline difloripa

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #4 on: November 09, 2012, 02:58:47 AM »
Hi. Me again. I really appreciate the answers.

 I was reading a LOT of other threads in this forum and more than once i read people saying that "condom was OK because i filled with water after using it and it didn't leak".

Ok now i got confused and kinda freaking out again. Maybe because this was my 1st time as receptive and i never had many sexual partners. Or because after the situation I above explained, i just checked that the condom was still on his penis and was looking intact. I mean was covering 1/3 of his penis and was not clearly damaged...

May even sound silly for some but i am  very worried.. can't sleep since it happen, 2 days ago. Even thinking about getting PEP drugs just in case, other than finding that i got infected that day... :'(

Offline Ann

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #5 on: November 09, 2012, 03:52:13 AM »
dil,

People who fill condoms with water are wasting their time. Unless you're planning on using condoms as water bombs, it's just silly. (Because using condoms as water bombs isn't silly. heh.)

When a condom breaks, it's really obvious and you don't need to fill it with water to know it's broken. If the one this guy wore had broken, it would have been hanging off him. It wasn't. It didn't break. Stop worrying.

And stop beating yourself up for exploring your sexuality. It's just part of the human experience. You did what you needed to do to protect your health - you made sure he used a condom. You were NOT at risk for hiv infection.

It doesn't matter that the condom didn't completely cover his penis. The skin on the shaft of the penis is no different to the skin anywhere else on the body - and skin cannot transmit hiv. The only time during this encounter that you would have been at risk is if he did NOT wear a condom and he came inside your rectum. He didn't. You weren't at risk.

Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST SPECIFICALLY OVER PROTECTED INTERCOURSE, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Ann

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2012, 03:56:05 AM »
And by the way, a thirty second blowjob without ejaculation isn't anything to worry about either. Get off the worry wagon and get on with your life. Seriously.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline difloripa

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2012, 02:09:43 PM »
Thanks again for all the responses I got so far. Really appreciated.

As per recommendations, yesterday I went to a clinic to perform a series of STD tests (not including HIV, due to window period).

During my examination time, I also asked the nurse several questions and concerns regarding my expierience.

What is concerning me more, and the main reason for me to come back to the forum was the fact that the nurse classified my experience as one of a 'lower risk'.
Okay. 'lower risk'. That has a semantic implication in my head. That means a risk. I know no one can quantify that. But a risk is a risk. damn! I have panic syndrome, and take medications for that. Even with that, although my body is not collapsing - my mind is melting down.....

I just read answers above saying that I was not at risk of HIV. What now?

Furthermore, the nurse said I should definitelly be tested, but not taking the 'rapid test' as for lower risk patients it may often give false positives (??) and that would cause me more stress than waiting for the window period (3 months) plus a few weeks for the blood test result.

I also asked about being tested around the 22 days mark. The answer was a soundly "don't do it". After that nurse was kind of getting nervous (like, OK stop asking), and basically told me to stay away from the Internet and get the blood test by February.

At least I did the clamydia+gonorrhea test. Hoppefully will come negative. But got out of the clinic 200% more stressed and confused than before.

 :(

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2012, 03:13:16 PM »
And by the way, a thirty second blowjob without ejaculation isn't anything to worry about either. Get off the worry wagon and get on with your life. Seriously.

Ann

If you go looking on the net or elsewhere for more to worry about, believe me you will find it. All to no good purpose of course. You did not have a risk for HIV. Period.

Cut out the drama and get on with your life. We're not going to endlessly hold your hand about this.
Andy Velez

Offline difloripa

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #9 on: November 15, 2012, 06:16:12 PM »
Ok. Got it. What about the thing the nurse said about getting false positive with the rapid test? Should vi wait for the three month and take the blood one?


Offline RapidRod

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #10 on: November 15, 2012, 06:27:57 PM »
Only time a rapid test is good is three months post exposure as well as any other HIV test. There are no tests marketed or sold to give a conclusive negative test result earlier than 3 months post exposure.

Offline Ann

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2012, 05:25:17 AM »
Dif,

You need to take into account that people who work in sexual health clinics are fairly used to people fudging the truth a bit and will therefore err on the side of caution when they tell people they had a "low" risk. It's also a way of getting people to test, because people are often reluctant to test for hiv because of the stigma attached to hiv and hiv testing.

A lot of people also don't want to test for hiv because they think they've never been at risk because they've used condoms with people they don't know well or with sex workers, but these same people tend to not worry about all the unprotected sex they've had with people they've dated.

So yeah. Health workers in the sexual health setting will often err on the side of caution and say things to encourage people to test.

ANY unprotected intercourse is a risk with ANYONE, unless the unprotected intercourse takes place within the context of a monogamous relationship where both parties have tested negative for hiv BEFORE the condoms come off.

I lost count long ago of people I've known who were infected by having intercourse without condoms with people they knew and therefore assumed could not have hiv. It's not usually the case that the source of their infection lied; more often than not the source had no idea they were positive - because they never bothered to have regular sexual health check ups.

You can test at anytime - because you did NOT have a risk for hiv infection. If you actually did have a risk (you did NOT have a risk), I would recommend that you wait for six weeks before testing, and confirm a negative six week result at three months.

The nurse is off-base when she says that rapid tests are prone to false positive results in people with low risks. How on earth does the test know what sort of risk a person had? Tests are inanimate objects. While false positive results can and do happen, they aren't all that common and there are checks and balances in place that will determine the patient's true hiv status - namely another antibody test (usually with a blood draw) and if that test also turns positive, a Western Blot test is run on the remaining blood sample. A WB test will show whether the antibody test was a true or false positive.

But one last time, you have NOT had a risk for hiv infection and you can have a FULL sexual health check up at any time and consider your hiv test result as conclusive.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!!!

Ann

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline difloripa

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2012, 09:51:25 AM »
Ann,

 Thanks for taking the time to fully address all my concerns.

Offline difloripa

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #13 on: December 29, 2012, 01:11:40 AM »
I just want to give a follow up on my case, and to use this message's subscription as small thank you for the all the answers i received.

 For my own peace of mind, today I got tested for hiv (finger prick) and the result was negative. This was 53 days after my last act - as described in my 1st post.

Clamydia & GC came negative too.

Im supposed to get back there on the 3 month mark to test for syphilis. I think i'll also do the hiv since I'll be there aniways..

Now i understand some people who post here and seem paranoid..

 Thanks again.

Offline Ann

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Re: My 1st gay experience. afraid
« Reply #14 on: December 29, 2012, 07:57:01 AM »
dif,

You're welcome.

Use this experience as an incentive to get into the habit of having regular sexual health check ups at least once a year, like I mentioned in reply #11.

You are hiv negative and do not need further hiv testing at this time.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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