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LTS of AIDS, wanting to stay off meds and just live out the rest of my life.

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Hello, I am a LTS of HIV/AIDS for over 22 years, these med's have messed me up so bad that i am just tired,It has crippled me and I have no life. I have peripheral  which really hurts me 24/7 the pain etc I just cannot stand to live like this.
I do not understand why Any physician would just let me live my life out , and yes , taking pain melds and perhaps some antibiotics  and let me live. I am very tired and this is just stupid, living on ssdi and medicare I hardly use it, I done feel that I actually earned the right to use medicare or even my monthly check i feel so guilty and this is such a waist of life. i want to GO. does anyone understand what i am saying, am I alone ?? - Rain

hey hr,

welcome.  :)

while i cannot address your current solutions that you need to have better days, i DO know they are possible!

i have been + for 30 years and have been dealing with daily pain from migraines for the past 18 months, among other glitches along the way.
there is always something to enjoy if you can focus on it.

please hang in and post again!!

you have given us so little information to help you.
this site is an incredible source of support.

mitch (aka Mark)

It seems all i have is medical problems and no one can figure out anything. I had a small stroke about 10 years ago and thats when it went down hill. I have fought doctors over pain meds, they put me on Methadone then when I moved my doctor refused to help me and I went into detox and I was going after her License, she told me that it did not matter if I took it away as her husband is a doctor. I know it would of really hurt her after all the years and dedication she does have for hiv patients. she was let go by some idiot.. I know it sounds odd we had a real strange relationship. anyways I found an new doctor and I am having trouble with my lungs, heart, Kidneys and OMG my Liver is killing me yet they say its okay . My issue is after al these years of putting on these HIV meds has really messed me up . its difficult to live daily. I am supposed to get a new doctor whom is a female, I have no Idea how she will be not to mention will she fill my pain meds , I know it seems like I focus to much on pain meds, but I am just in alot of pain. I have seen so many specialist for everything yet they send me back to my own doctor and always says there is nothing they can do for me.. go figure.. I am emotionally and physically exhausted, fighting over pain meds etc. and now that Kentucky has changed the laws for pain meds its making it difficult for doctors to write the scripts.. so much I can say about me and the things that has happened to me I just feel that as a HUMAN i should have the right to live out my life the way I want too , not aas a doctor wants me to to stay on the HIV meds or no pain meds is how I am being treated, I d not want to live like this, i would rather just get off the meds pump me up with antibiotics and pain meds and let me GO..I have been ready for almost 10 years now dealing with this for 22 years i know other LTS live okay. yet I am NOT them .. we are all different and should be treated as such. I hope this help out more of what info you wanted.. - Rain

hey rain,

it is quite understandable why you feel the way you do.
i hope that you didn't think that i was trying to minimize your pain.

i recently needed to seek professional mental health care to deal with my pain.
it was not an easy step but it has been very helpful so far.

also, i have a great relationship with my primary doc as well as my hiv doc.
sounds like you have been bouncing around a bit with docs?
frustrating, but develope your relationship as best you can and if it is'nt working, find someone new.
easier said than done, i know...

hang tight and keep posting. :)

I, probably like many others have read your post and are probably thinking through our responses.  Just wanted to let you know I care, I just have to process it all in order to give you a proper response.

Many of us have been there, so just hang here for a while.  If nothing else, some of the threads here will make you smile for a while.   ;)

Welcome to the forums.  Hope it gives you as much as it did me. 



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