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Author Topic: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook  (Read 2718 times)

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Offline zach

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  • Posts: 1,205
When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« on: October 16, 2012, 12:30:41 AM »

Offline WindySkies

  • Member
  • Posts: 113
  • Tested + 10/11/12
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2012, 12:55:21 AM »
Pretty much why I keep two profiles, one that I allow work and customer related people to be friends on, and another that is for friends and family.

Even then, no way will I connect with any sort of HIV groups or pages on FB.  It's not worth the chance of people finding out, and there is plenty of information on the web to negate anything on FB.
10/11/2012 Journey Started
10/17/2012 First Labs: VL=57,645  CD4+=730  37%
10/31/2012 Started Complera
11/30/2012 Labs: VL=80  CD4+=929 40%
12/24/2012 Started Stribild

Undetectable since 1/15/13 CD4+= Over 1,400 and 49%

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2012, 12:59:10 AM »
I am an easy and rather complete Google. It's not always served me well, but it beats keeping up with multiple deceptions. I just don't have either the brain power nor the energy to hide much about me.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Raf

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  • Posts: 253
  • Bald by choice
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2012, 01:20:01 AM »
That's why I don't use my facebook account at all...and even less google+ and all those things (I haven't used my MSN messenger account in ages).
Dx: 05/14/2008
Latest HIV Meds combo I've been taking:

Kaletra + Combivir (since 05/16/2008 - today)

Offline tednlou2

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  • Posts: 4,757
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2012, 01:34:39 AM »
I will get Facebook posts saying this or that friend has joined a particular group.  And, I can read their posts.  I don't understand why Facebook doesn't fix this today.  I should not see groups they've been added to, and I definitely don't see why I should be able to read their posts about the group.  I feel the same way about the comment feed on the desktop version.  You can see what friends are posting to their friends in real time. 

On a similar note, I just got a letter in the mail from my HIV clinic.  It had "department of infectious diseases" printed boldly on the envelope.  The letter was to inform me a doctor (who isn't my doc) was leaving.  I am planning to let them know how inconsiderate that was.  I have never received anything in the mail from them before.  I never expected to get mail from them. 

I can imagine the problems this may have caused.  Many patients still live with family or have roommates.  If they didn't violate law and open it, I am sure they were peppered with questions.  Even if you live alone, someone could be checking your mail for you.  Or, they may have seen it in the stack of mail before you saw it.  They should ask whether you want mail, or whether to contact you via phone only or a private email.

Offline GSOgymrat

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  • Posts: 5,001
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #5 on: October 16, 2012, 01:40:06 AM »
My father found out I was HIV+ through a Google search.  Oops!

Offline Common_ground

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  • Posts: 288
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #6 on: October 16, 2012, 01:59:40 AM »
Im not out to all about my status but I wouldnt be able to function if I would have to cover my tracks about everything HIV related. Hiding being almost an obsession must take such a huge toll on the psyche.

2011 May - Neg.
2012 June CD4:205, 16% VL:2676 Start Truvada/Stocrin
2012 July  CD4:234, 18% VL:88
2012 Sep  CD4:238, 17% VL:UD
2013 Feb  CD4:257, 24% VL:UD -viramune/truvada
2013 May CD4:276, 26% VL:UD

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2012, 02:23:08 AM »
Im not out to all about my status but I wouldnt be able to function if I would have to cover my tracks about everything HIV related. Hiding being almost an obsession must take such a huge toll on the psyche.



Word.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline mecch

  • Member
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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #8 on: October 16, 2012, 04:38:45 AM »
Kids at university should be wise to these dangers. 
But yeah it sucks if you aren't wise and get burned.
Times did an article the other week about how kids at Cornell religiously scrub their digital traces as part and parcel of their social lives..  Seems its a problem for example in job searches when you are tagged in photos. Which they all do to each other nonstop, then all have to spend lots of time removing....

Meanwhile, Kim Kardashian and how many reality celebrities rake in millions upon millions year after year with no penalty for shameless exhibitionism. 

Who are these Human Resource nazis who wouldn't hire a brilliant grad because he/she has a couple of shameless pictars floating around? 

As for these two, nobody wants to be yanked out of the closet before they choose, true.   
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,335
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2012, 02:55:12 PM »
I don't announce or denounce my sexuality or HIV status.  I find it all so tiresome.  I'm not exactly guarded in my posts and I've had numerous people send me messages asking if I'm gay.  HA HA, like being so dense that you can't figure it out by my posts?

I try to dial it down a bit out of concern for some of my familys' feelings.  I occassionally post gay shit whenever I'm upset with my mother just to see her reaction.  Such an evil little slut I am.  ;D

I thought youngsters were more open with their sexuality these days or perhaps I'm influenced by my own nephew who came out (with a loud ass bang) in highschool.    He is now a senior at OU and recently brought him boyfriend to our home for the weekend.  My mother threw a fit and said they could not share a room together.

It's not for moral reasons and I pointed out her hyprocity as she has allowed straight unmarried couples to share a room.  She reluctantly agreed, guess there's hope for the old homophobic gal afterall.

Just by the using FB, people open themselves up to things out of their control.  I could easily go the someone's wall and post that they are an AIDS infected faggot and the world would see it. 
productivity breeds content

Offline WillyWump

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  • Posts: 7,098
  • PLEASE no masturbating to this pic!
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2012, 03:32:26 PM »
This is why I don't friend any of you heathens from here.

-W

POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • Posts: 23,869
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2012, 03:44:02 PM »
This is why I don't friend any of you heathens from here.

-W



No, it's because you're a sissy.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline OneTampa

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,092
  • "Butterflies are free."
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #12 on: October 16, 2012, 09:00:17 PM »
This is why I don't friend any of you heathens from here.

-W

"Heathens"    :D  I just used that word today and got a severe and potent side-eye from the target along with  a very tight squeeeeeeze.  ;)

I am lucky to live to type the tale.
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaíto frito."

Offline madbrain

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  • No longer an active member
    • My personal site
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #13 on: October 17, 2012, 04:27:48 PM »
IMO, you should just never post anything on Facebook that you wouldn't want to see on the front page of the New york times. Even if it's not FB themselves leaking it, any of your "friends" can do whatever they want with what they see from you.

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,629
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #14 on: October 17, 2012, 06:04:18 PM »


    I love Facebook  :o

    What will my friends find out ?   

   I know !   What color I painted the Living room  , If I update that line of posts   :P
   After my High school  reunion in 2009 , when Bob and I married I came out of the
   HIV - AIDS closet !    Why do I even  live if I can not annoy and INFORM my loved ones   ;)
   I have too many friends on facebook , No No , don't get any ideas I do not want people de- friending me   .

    I get requests from people , Often woman , It is fun !

   At 58 years old  I don't worry that much about what my Gaydum  tells people

                                                            Weasel  :-*

   P.s.  Facebook is my main form of Email  :)
  P.p.s.  : I may babble at times .................. :-[
   P.p.p.s.  :  Feel free to send me an invite  :)
" Live and let Live "

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,001
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #15 on: October 17, 2012, 06:14:29 PM »
IMO, you should just never post anything on Facebook that you wouldn't want to see on the front page of the New york times.

You are right of course. Unfortunately that strategy leads to insipid Facebook profiles, my own being no exception.

Offline m4jj4m

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
  • Diagnosed October 2003
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #16 on: October 18, 2012, 11:23:33 AM »
Don't blame social media or the press.  Blame people.  When I first was diagnosed, I had just moved to SF from LA and was only in the city for a couple of months.  This was years before I got on FB.  A "friend" and subsequently a case manager intentionally outed my HIV status to people I didn't know.  Not online, but within the community.  As for FB, for me, I don't post or do anything that I wouldn't want my family to see, forget the New York Times.  Social media is no different than regular social situations.  I have friends whose parents happen to be friends with my parents or other family members.  In today's world there is no such thing as hiding, whether it is online or in real time.

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,335
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #17 on: October 18, 2012, 11:40:27 AM »

    I love Facebook  :o

    What will my friends find out ?   

   I know !   What color I painted the Living room  , If I update that line of posts   :P
   After my High school  reunion in 2009 , when Bob and I married I came out of the
   HIV - AIDS closet !    Why do I even  live if I can not annoy and INFORM my loved ones   ;)
   I have too many friends on facebook , No No , don't get any ideas I do not want people de- friending me   .

    I get requests from people , Often woman , It is fun !

   At 58 years old  I don't worry that much about what my Gaydum  tells people

                                                            Weasel  :-*

   P.s.  Facebook is my main form of Email  :)
  P.p.s.  : I may babble at times .................. :-[
   P.p.p.s.  :  Feel free to send me an invite  :)

And I luv you, as well as several others here as my FB friend.  Maybe it's the aging thing, cause I really don't hide much longer.  Tore out all those closet doors long ago.  I guess almost dying several times leads you to see things differently?

And yes, the car threads are my favorite!
productivity breeds content

Offline OneTampa

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,092
  • "Butterflies are free."
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #18 on: October 20, 2012, 08:15:52 PM »
Breaker!  Breaker!  This is Big Tail. Is there anyone out there who wishes to converse with someone in here? Over!

Ah, those bygone days when one made friends on "CB" Radio.   ;D
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaíto frito."

Online Mrmojorisin

  • Member
  • Posts: 207
    • My Blog
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #19 on: October 21, 2012, 09:46:49 AM »
For now, few people know that I am positive. For many reasons..A few days ago I on my facebook page it noted that I "liked" Aidsmeds.com. I deleted the post as soon as it appeared. But rather than a security glitch, I believe it happened on my phone, which is an android touch screen. As I am not completely used to the touch screen, I probably tapped something when I was on this site..It was kinda weird, but then bizzare things always happen with my phone.
Started Meds On 5/1/2012 Norvair, Truvada, Prezista, and Bactrim

4/17/2012--CD4 83/ VL 353,000  7.0%
5/15/2012--CD4 218/ VL 4,970    14.1%
6/27/2012--CD4 146/ VL 420      6.1%
10/11/2012-CD4-223/ VL-62       9.5%
2/14/2013--CD4-215/ VL-119      13.6%
7/3/2013---CD4-256/ VL-UD       18.0%
10/18/2013 CD4-223/ VL-UD       22.2%
01/23/2014-CD4-381/VL-UD       25.3%--Dropped the Bactrim

"arrrrhhhhh ahhrrhhhhh aaaarrhhh"- Chewbacca

Offline Billy B

  • Member
  • Posts: 374
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #20 on: October 22, 2012, 11:42:40 AM »
Face Book is the devil.
Billy
VL 4420 CD4 340 CD4% 24   3/15/10 Started I&T
VL  UD   CD4 340 CD4% 26.5 05/13/10
VL  UD   CD4 360 CD4% 27.1 08/3/10
VL  UD   CD4 310 CD4% 28.4 11/22/10
VL  UD   CD4 420 CD4% 27.9 02/11/11
VL  UD   CD4 370 CD4% 26.4 06/08/11
VL  UD   CD4 360 CD4% 27.7 09/23/11
VL  UD   CD4 370 CD4% 28.3 01/20/12
VL  UD   CD4 430 CD4% 28.8 05/11/12
VL  UD   CD4 370 CD4% 28.1 09/07/12
VL  UD   CD4 390 CD4% 32.3 03/14/13

Offline zach

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  • Posts: 1,205
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #21 on: October 22, 2012, 01:48:29 PM »
left facebook a few months ago. so far no ill effects.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,209
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #22 on: October 22, 2012, 04:57:54 PM »
There is some new fangled ap where you send pics and they disappear from the receivers phone after a few seconds.... whats the name....
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Online Jeff G

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  • Member
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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #23 on: October 22, 2012, 06:18:12 PM »
There is some new fangled ap where you send pics and they disappear from the receivers phone after a few seconds.... whats the name....

Will the ap still work if the pics are 10 years old and they are 60 lbs lighter ? That's what kind of pics get passed around on those sites you know  ;)

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,209
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #24 on: October 22, 2012, 11:22:43 PM »
Im sure you can attach and pictar you want.

I think its a great idea. 

We have too much digital traces.  Maybe 10% deserves saving, and even that, for how long.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline osric

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  • Posts: 50
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #25 on: October 23, 2012, 03:50:22 PM »

Offline blue.green12

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  • Posts: 1
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #26 on: October 23, 2012, 07:50:59 PM »
Thank you all for the info....it's helping me a lot.
New to this and learning my way.
I am grateful to have found this site.

Mom to four.
Now a grandmama, too.

Offline zach

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Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #27 on: October 23, 2012, 08:31:14 PM »
hi blue green, welcome to the forum. be sure to post a thread introducing yourself in the "just tested positive" or "living with HIV" boards. congrats on becoming a grandma! from what my parents tell me, it beats the hell out of being a parent.

Offline madbrain

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    • My personal site
Re: When the Most Personal Secrets Get Outed on Facebook
« Reply #28 on: October 24, 2012, 06:44:34 AM »
Don't blame social media or the press.  Blame people.  When I first was diagnosed, I had just moved to SF from LA and was only in the city for a couple of months.  This was years before I got on FB.  A "friend" and subsequently a case manager intentionally outed my HIV status to people I didn't know.  Not online, but within the community.

Yes, agree people share the majority of the blame for gossip, however, Facebook just makes it that much easier.
There is nothing you can do about the "friend" sharing your medical history.
However, for the case manager, it would be a serious violation under HIPAA. If this happened to me, I would have no problem pursuing all legal avenues against him/her, even though I'm not ashamed of my HIV status - it is on my car's license plate after all. But it's my decision to broadcast it to others on the streets, in a newspaper and on television. A case manager or medical professional on the other hand simply has no right to do so.

 


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