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Day 1, Long Read

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WindySkies:
So for the last 10 years or so, every hobby I have had, or interest I have had has always led me to joining a web forum that revolves around that topic.  They are always full of knowledgeable and friendly people willing to help out complete strangers sitting on the other side of a computer screen.

Yesterday I found out that I was HIV+.  About 2 weeks ago I got a call from the local health office letting me know that someone I had recently had sex with tested positive for Syphilis and that I needed to go in to get tested.  They drew blood and gave me a shot of biclilin just in case.  Along with he Syphilis test they said they would also run an HIV test.

Yesterday they finally called me to go in to get my results.  So I headed down there and the counselor sat me down and told me the Syphilis came back negative, but the HIV came back positive.  I think she may have thought I already knew, so she was kind of nonchalant about it.  She figured out I was hearing it for the first time and apologized for not being more tactful.  She asked me about my sexual history and discussed a bunch of stuff with me.  The last thing they did was to take 5 vials of blood so that they could run some tests to get my levels.  I go back in a week to get the results and then I'll go see a private doctor so that we can discuss the results and lay out a plan.

So the first thing I did when I got home was to go search out a good HIV+ forum, and here I am.  While I was waiting for my account to get approved yesterday I spent the entire afternoon just reading through posts.  In a few hours I was able to familiarize my self with some of the stuff I'll need to learn even more about in the near future, but so far this site has been really helpful in just one day.

Mentally I seem to be doing ok, over the 2 weeks of waiting for the results I kind of already had a feeling of what the result would be.  The counselor did notice I seemed to be pretty accepting of everything and I basically told her I can't change the result, so I might as well focus on the future.

The one thing I am missing is the close support structure, my family all lives about 4 hours away, and the friends I have locally are not really close enough to confide in.  I'm going to go check out one of the local support groups that is held for people who have recently been diagnosed positive.

One thing that was weird to me yesterday was walking around the grocery store and thinking that people were looking at me and knew I was somehow different.  On the flip side I found myself looking at people and thinking to myself how they were negative and were leading a different lifestyle then me.  I also get a weird feeling inside me every time I realize that I am now HIV+.

Sorry for the long post, but it does feel good to get it out, and I look forward to learning more from here, and meeting some good people.

vaguesbleues:
First of all, welcome to the forums.  I hope that you find this to be as much of a great resource as I did last year when I was diagnosed.  Be sure to take the time to learn as much as you can about HIV on the "About HIV/AIDS" tab at the top of the page.  There's a bunch of information that you can be helpful in you taking control of the situation.

I can relate to your feeling about suddenly feeling different from everyone around you.  I remember my first trip out to a gay bar after my diagnosis, I just couldn't enjoy myself feeling that I was somehow tainted and no longer desirable.  Don't worry, I found that this feeling can be pretty normal in the beginning.  But the good news it that, after a year, I no longer feel that way.  Other than when I go to pop the pill in the evening right before bed, I find that I rarely even think about being HIV+.  You'll get there, too. 

I'm glad to hear that you're actively seeking out a support network as you seek to come to terms with your diagnosis.  This helps a ton!  Not only will that allow you to share your concerns and fears in a safe space, but you'll also learn so much from others going through the same thing. 

Best of luck in the days ahead!

synergyhomepage:
It took me a while, but If found a support group right where I live.

It really helps and Im sure with the power of this forum we could help you find one  ;)

WindySkies:

--- Quote from: synergyhomepage on October 12, 2012, 09:55:21 AM ---It took me a while, but If found a support group right where I live.

It really helps and Im sure with the power of this forum we could help you find one  ;)

--- End quote ---

I did find one group in town, unfortunately they only meet every other week, and the day I got my test results was the day after they last met.  So I basically have to wait 2 weeks until they meet again.

I have been able to chat with a few people online which has been nice, and reading other stories here has been extremely helpful.

spacebarsux:

--- Quote from: WindySkies on October 11, 2012, 01:03:07 PM ---
One thing that was weird to me yesterday was walking around the grocery store and thinking that people were looking at me and knew I was somehow different.  On the flip side I found myself looking at people and thinking to myself how they were negative and were leading a different lifestyle then me.  I also get a weird feeling inside me every time I realize that I am now HIV+.


--- End quote ---

Sorry you tested poz, but welcome to the forums all the same.

The feelings you describe are perfectly normal. I thought I had HIV stuck on my forehead for many many weeks. It abates with time. Give yourself that time to adjust to your new reality, it's important. Don't rush things.

And of course this forum and other support groups are a great place to learn and just vent to people who understand what's going on with you.

Best

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