Main Forums > Someone I Care About Has HIV

advice from discordant heterosexual couples, please

<< < (3/3)

Pek:

--- Quote from: Valmont on October 16, 2012, 05:53:35 PM ---Iīm in a serodiscordant relationship for almost a year.  Iīve been diagnosed for 18 months and I disclosed her before we started together.  We both decided to avoid completely any penetration, including with condom, because of my fears to infect her and because of her fears to be infected; it is our chose.  For sure, we could use condoms and the risk will be near zero...  We descovered that there are most important things between us than only sex; and in regard with sex, well, there are many other way to enjoy it...

What has been difficult, partcularly for my, is to start living with HIV and the changes in regard to it...  Only time makes things quietest and it has been a good thing for me to avoid taking presurated decisions just after my diagnostic.  Taking a lot with my girlfriend has helped me a lot, she is always here to listen for me and myself for her...  This meritate some life adjustments...  Time helps a lot....

It has also been the possibility por definate priorities, I īm most clear about my life priorities now and work for them...

About having children, you can have some safety...

It is important for you to get educated and to have the possibility to aclarate your doubts, it is also so important to be very open in your relation in regard to HIV and what it means...  There are many serodiscordant couple that have a very happy life, I hope this will happen to you too, HIV donīt change the people you are and should not affect love...

--- End quote ---

I agree with you about there are more things apart from sex. But the sex is really important too. I am recently diagnosed as well(3 months) and I think the same as you. I have other priorities in my life than sex. I already told my ex-girlfriend(Juliette) that U could stay the time that she wants without sex or just no-penetration sex. Anything. But she is tough about her decisions. She has been tough to me as well.I will fight for this relationship as long as think she is the woman of my life.  I love her and I know she is a good person. Thankfully I am strong person and I am doing  well. I am pretty sure if she dont stay with me I will find another good woman to spend the life with me. But for now I love her and I really want to prove her that I wont infect her. Because that is the only one reason to we are not together now.
best wishes to u both on your way.
thanks

karry:
I have been debating if it will be a good idea or not to post another reply to this post for over a week now, and I finally decided to do so.

Pek, I wish to apologise to you for the damage that may have been caused to your relationship as a result of what I may have posted in reply to Juliette. It was probably not right of me to stand in and judge her the way I did, when I did not know that you had asked her to come to the website to get an input from the other side. I apologise sincerely.

I hope you do get her back if she is the person for you and wish you lots of luck and love together.

Karry

Blue75:
Hi Juliette,

I have been with my husband for 15 years.  He tested positive on Valentine's Day this year.  I understand what you're going through.  So that I don't repeat a lot of what I've already posted in here, please see my very first post I made in the forum, "Good dead gone wrong".  It took a few people to kindly and politely direct me to the fact that if I'm feeling the way I was feeling, then just imagine what he's feeling.  That really got me to thinking about how selfish I was being, but it is a natural reaction at first to get this kind of news.

We already have a 9yr old child and he has older children from prior to me so we are finished with having children; however, if we wanted to, we could as soon as he is undetectable (which should be anytime soon).  He however; is too scared to not use a condom and I respect that.  By the way, based on when we believe he came in contact with HIV, it was about 3 1/2 years ago.  We had never used condoms during that entire time.  Thankfully, and by the grace of God, I am negative.

I think the thing that I'd really like to address for you is that Love is a very powerful thing.  Do you really want to risk losing someone you love and who loves you?  Give yourself some time right now.  The first few months are the hardest and you both are still coming to terms with things.  Take a deep breath.  Sometimes you've got to take risks and sacrifices in life when it comes to love. 

I wish you both the best. 
Blue

Valmont:

--- Quote from: Pek on October 19, 2012, 01:44:18 PM ---I agree with you about there are more things apart from sex. But the sex is really important too. I am recently diagnosed as well(3 months) and I think the same as you. I have other priorities in my life than sex. I already told my ex-girlfriend(Juliette) that U could stay the time that she wants without sex or just no-penetration sex. Anything. But she is tough about her decisions. She has been tough to me as well.I will fight for this relationship as long as think she is the woman of my life.  I love her and I know she is a good person. Thankfully I am strong person and I am doing  well. I am pretty sure if she dont stay with me I will find another good woman to spend the life with me. But for now I love her and I really want to prove her that I wont infect her. Because that is the only one reason to we are not together now.
best wishes to u both on your way.
thanks

--- End quote ---

Iīve just seen your message...  For sure, sex is really important...  But eveything is an equilibry, I prefee avoiding some practices and that way avoiding 100 % infection in my girlfriend and stress and so on because I love her a lot and we are good that way...  This does not mean we donīt have sex, but only practices 100% safe, we deal well with this, having great time (we bought some excellent toys  :P)...  For sure it is not the same, but it is the way we decided to live this new life and no problem about it...  I aware it might be exagerated, but my girl friend is confortable that way, so do I.

Most important thing is to talk as much as possible and try to understand each other, this means you also have to be honest between you for your partner to be able to understand you...  You can be together without any risk of exposition, with love, and having really great time, but it is a decision both decide to take, knowing that new situation, nobody else can take it ; but it is possible to be serodiscordant and be happy in love and having sex without any risks...  As Blue said, you should give you a time before deciding separate, the HIV news are very string and anly time helps to accept it and deal with it...  Try to take it easy (mmmm that is easy to say, no?), but try it...

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page

Go to full version