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Author Topic: Might be infected...:-(, :-(  (Read 2443 times)

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Offline Ryber

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Might be infected...:-(, :-(
« on: September 24, 2012, 07:09:42 PM »
Hey guys. I'm in a really bad place right now, not sure if I'm searching for something to uplift my mood, or some form of mental peace, but either one seem a bit inaccessible at the moment. So I'm just gonna vent....and hope that someone can give me some kind of information, as I'm kind of certain I'm infected.

Check this out....

September 11th, approximately, I was feeling pretty down. Y'know, I had discovered I'd gotten some sort of eye illness, I'm a bit of a loner, y'know, a bit of an introvert...don't have that many pals, sadly (or ones that I can trust) so in my depression, and my longing to feel some sort of pleasure..I do something any sane man in my position would do...I see an escort/sex-worker to make myself feel better! Cause that's what....that's what's supposed to happen.

So, y'know, I'm searching all over the internet, stumble onto this ad for this escort gal, then I'm like..'Hey, why not? What's the worst that can happen?' Now mind you, I wasn't planning to have unprotected sex with this woman (foreshadowing), I was simply looking to get off orally with a little foreplay sprinkled on top of that experience. So, in my head I'm like...'Nah...no way would i be able to catch anything. Nah....it's not possible....'

After I've made up my mind, without even realizing it's possibly the single worst decision I've ever made in my life, I visit this escort. Y'know, we have some fun and whatnot, she prefers to perform fellatio with a condom on. I'm like...that's neat. I, personally, would've preferred it bear and raw, but in hindsight thank God she had that condom ready in her drawer. I mean, this situation would've been a lot worse if there wasn't a condom to begin with. At least I have a slither of hope I might not be infected, but it's just a slither....like dying of thirst in an abandoned desert, then a rainstorm hits and supplies you with enough water to postpone, well, the inevitable....

So anywho, y'know, this escort's blowing me with the condom on. Mind you, the description of this particular lady was very shady....she looked to be in her mid-30s even though her ad said she was in her mid-late twenties....there was someone knocking venomously at the door while this was going down but she simply wouldn't answer. And of course, I thought nothing of these events at the time because I got lost in the heat of the moment...but Jesus, did those events come back to haunt me after it was all said and done and my common sense(or paranoia) kicked in...

Anyway, after she's blowing me and whatnot, for some inconceivable reason I still can't fathom, I tell her to get on top. I figure, y'know, I'm protected...I'm wrapped up. What could POSSIBLY go wrong? So she climbs me, rides me for a good 5-10 minutes, then I ask her to get off because I simply wasn't feeling it. She goes back to performing fellatio, then decides to give me a handjob...

And then the condom breaks.....

Now, here's the issue I'm having here....here's the issue...

What if there was a slight tear in the condom while I was inside her? I mean, her teeth was pretty...prominent during the fellatio, at some point it felt like I was getting head from a cheese grater. What if...what if there were minor tears in the condom DURING the brief moment of sexual intercourse we had....and then in the process of giving me a hand-job, the tear had given way and broke completely...

Let me tell you, as awesome as the sexual experience was, the experience afterward was not good at all. I mean, I went home, and I immediately started looking up symptoms. I've read countless times that the chances of getting HIV from an encounter like that is 1/2-3402389 but Jesus.....what if I happen to be that ONE? Especially since all my life I've had some pretty lousy ass luck to begin with.....let's look at why this individual might, and in all likelihood could've had HIV...(Not...y'know, I'm not condemning anyone with it, but I think it's pretty wrong for sex workers to be going out having flings and infecting people with HIV. It's messed up.) But let's look at these alarming...threatening characteristics of this escort....

1. She's older than she appeared to be in the ad.

2. She's an escort.

3. SHE was the one who decided to use the condom. At first I was like..'Hm...okay, okay...this probably means that she's done this before with A LOT of other individuals who she might've slept with. Maybe she's had experience. But then I was like, 'WAIT! What if she was so quick to use a condom to protect ME? What if she KNEW she had HIV, but simply chose to protect ME from HER virus, and tried to make me as safe as possible so I wouldn't get the disease and trace it back to HER!' Understand, I've found no reviews on this particular escort or anything. It's like she JUST started out. Sure, it's unlikely, but in a life as.....rotten as mine....often, what's UNlikely for most people, is MORE than likely for me. Cause of my bad luck.

4. The stranger who kept knocking at the door in the hotel...what if he was someone who recently got a disease, and was trying to get some sort of revenge on the escort or something? What if this escort JACKED the other guy, out of either money...or his life(if she infected him with HIV) HE found out, and tried to get some sort of payback. I mean, this escort was clearly a liar. So when I asked her, 'hey, you wouldn't happen to have any diseases' and she told me...'Nahh' could've EASILY BEEN A LIE!!!!

I mean, sure these factors are unlikely...but they're ALL possible. That one percent change, man.....that one percent chance...

And now, here's what's really got me wanting to jump off the nearest bridge, or in front of the next car that drives past my house.....TWO weeks after my September 11 appointment with the escort...I start having symptoms. HIV symptoms. Check this out...I got a sore throat, I got a cold, and now, approximately two weeks after...in which I'm talking about TODAY, I go in the bathroom and search as carefully as possible for a bump or something on my arm, on my leg, on my legs....BAM, a god damn bump that's trying to camouflage in my skin is staring right back at me. I'm not sure if it's a lymph node, as it's in the corner of my armpit, and it's pretty small, so I'm 95% sure it's a lymph node. I'd go to a doctor RIGHT now to confirm this, but unfortunately, I have no medical insurance at the moment. Can you believe that after the incident, I almost convinced myself I was alright...and then two weeks later, BAM, lymph node....

Now, some of these things may be coincidence, even though I really don't believe in them. The logical side is telling me the reason I have a cold is because I usually always get colds around September or October....it's what happens. It's what my body likes to do around September/October...get colds. Get sore throats. And, of course, it helps that everyone else in my house pretty much has a cold. Like my mom....and my dad....and about two of my siblings, but still...the timing of these symptoms appearing approximately TWO WEEKS??? I mean, the cold really kicked in on Saturday....so that's like, what, ten days? Eleven days? Close enough to two weeks for me...

And granted, there's this lymph node on my armpit now, I'm not sure how long it's been chilling like this, and I also have a slight ache around my kidney area, I mean this is all adding up....

I know that all of this may seem a bit eccentric, and my particular posting style isn't helping out as much, and if you've read all of this I thank you from the bottom of my heart, but this is all one hundred percent fact. Not any of this is a piece of fiction...believe me, if it was, I wouldn't be posting it in a forum, I'd be writing a book about it. So that's basically it....in about six weeks or so I'm going to get tested, and I'm preparing for the worst. I just...I can't keep focus on anything. Work, school, everything seems to have taken a second priority to my potential exposure. It's to the point where I don't want to do anything that'll make these six weeks past by any slower, and it's even worse that even if I do get tested in six weeks and by some miracle I come out negative, it won't even BE CONCLUSIVE!!!

I'm sorry about the long post, and how....obnoxious, it may seem, I'm just under a lot of pressure and needed to vent. I've already been through so much in my life, I've already overcome and succumbed to so much adversity, but THIS??? This would be the final straw, man, this would be game over for me sadly..... :'( :'(

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Might be infected...:-(, :-(
« Reply #1 on: September 24, 2012, 07:27:08 PM »
Try reposting your question and leave off half the bullshit.

Offline Ryber

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Re: Might be infected...:-(, :-(
« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2012, 07:48:22 PM »
Ah, sorry if I came off a bit flamboyant in my last post....I'm just really worried, and the last post was me venting more than anything. Basically I think I had a possible exposure with a sex-worker. I spent roughly 5-10 minutes inside her, in that time I'm afraid that the condom might've had a tear in it somewhere exposing me to a possible HIV infection. The reason I think this is simply because I pulled out, then she gave me a hand-job and the condom broke during that. I'm afraid there was a slight tear in the condom while I was inside her, that completely ripped apart during the hand-job. Also, due to the condom breaking, I'm also afraid that the fabric of it wasn't strong enough to protect me from possible HIV infection, and this is assuming she was HIV+. Reason I think I've been infected is due to the symptoms I've had. Eleven days after my sexual encounter with this woman I developed a sore throat, followed by a cold. Saturday I developed a slight ache around my kidney area that seems to come and go, and I noticed a slight bump in the bathroom the other day that might very well be a lymph node. Granted, I get a cold once a year, or once every two years, so I get them quite commonly. But the bump on the armpit, and the sore muscle ache are new to me. How likely is it that these are symptoms with HIV? And also, I forgot to mention that I have genital HSV-1 herpes, but I haven't had an outbreak in.... a good five years. At least not that I'm aware of. What if I had an outbreak and didn't know it, what are my chances of contracting the virus then with a condom...especially one that might have a little tear, or might've expired or something like that?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Might be infected...:-(, :-(
« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2012, 08:08:37 PM »
Had the condom failed, it would have failed catastrophically. You never had an exposure.

Offline Ryber

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Re: Might be infected...:-(, :-(
« Reply #4 on: September 24, 2012, 08:20:33 PM »
Ah, alright. I don't mean to press the issue by any means, but what do you mean catastrophically? How would I have noticed the condom failing if there was a slight rip in it? And what do you make of the symptoms I've gotten about two weeks after what happened? I've gotten a cold, but a bump in my armpit? And the sore in my kidney? If not an HIV symptom, what do these indicate? Sorry if I'm pressing the issue, just making sure....

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Might be infected...:-(, :-(
« Reply #5 on: September 24, 2012, 09:24:43 PM »
Wow, I have seen the anti-rapidrod :)

Listen, a condom is designed to fail catastrophically. It's the way the latex is double-dipped. When a condom fails, it looks like a hula hoop of latex attached to your penis. It's really quite difficult to miss.

Of COURSE an escort has had sex with many other people, unless she is new at the job or not that great. She used a condom to protect HER from YOU, not the other way around.

Her toothy BJ, while likely less fun than you had imagined, posed no danger to the integrity of the condom. Force enough to tear it would likely have torn your skin as well. THAT you would have noticed.

You have had absolutely zero risk for HIV in the scenario you described.

Now get to writing that novel. You have imagination and ability to write. You might need a good editor, perhaps. Most writers do.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Ann

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Re: Might be infected...:-(, :-(
« Reply #6 on: September 25, 2012, 06:49:38 AM »
Ryber,

To add to the absolutely correct comment that Jonathan made concerning the sex worker using a condom for the blowjob to protect herself, NOT you, I'll tell you this.

You're worried that the condom had a tear in it while you had intercourse following the first blowjob. You stopped fucking and she gave you another blowjob. Believe me, if there was a tear in it after the fucking, she WOULD have noticed it during the second blowjob (and probably freaked out a little) and changed the condom for a new one. The condom broke during the handjob from a lack of lube, pure and simple. Handjobs - and blowjobs - are not risks for hiv infection, with or without a condom.

This sex worker is smart and using condoms for blowjobs because she could end up with oral gonorrhea, chlamydia, herpes or syphilis from blowing her clients.

As for your specific questions...

1. So what? We women People lie about their age all the time. Besides, don't you think a difficult, danger-fraught job like she does may have aged her a little before her time? Have some compassion.

2. Yep, she's a sex worker. That's why you had to pay her. What's your point? Sex workers protect themselves from STIs because having an STI means time off work and a loss of earnings. Sex workers don't have paid sick days, you know. They're protecting their health and their livelihoods. You're far more likely to end up with an STI with someone you casually date and don't use condoms with, thinking they're healthy because they're not a sex worker.

3. I've already addressed this concern. Sex workers use condoms to protect themselves, not you.

4. Maybe he was her boyfriend, maybe he was a regular who wanted to get off NOW, maybe he was a policeman wanting to bust both your asses. Maybe he was a visiting alien from outer-space who heard she was good and wanted in on the action, but didn't know the proper protocol for procuring her services. Jeeze dude, who cares who the guy was? Be happy she concentrated on giving you your money's worth instead of answering her door or going on facebook while she should have been paying attention to you.

You haven't had a risk for hiv infection and funny enough - neither did she. She did what she needed to protect herself and lucky for you, that protected YOU too even though that wasn't her primary objective. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection.

There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST FOR HIV SPECIFICALLY OVER BLOWJOBS, HANDJOBS OR PROTECTED INTERCOURSE, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Concentrate your energies on your recently diagnosed eye problem and forget about this no risk experience with the sex worker. And give sex workers some credit. They're human beings just like you and are interested in protecting their health, again, just like you.

Ann
« Last Edit: September 25, 2012, 06:51:12 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Ann

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Re: Might be infected...:-(, :-(
« Reply #7 on: October 31, 2012, 07:24:38 AM »
Ryber,

We do not permit people to use PMs as a means of getting around paying a subscription for participation in the Am I Infected forum. You have used up your three free posts.

If you didn't know about paying a subscription, then maybe you shouldn't have ignored the large and lengthy IMPORTANT UPDATE that appears at the top of each and every Am I Infected forum page, including this one.

You are not permitted to use PMs to ask questions dealing with hiv transmission and/or testing anyway.

I have removed your PM privilege.

If you read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote

Do NOT use Private Messages to question other members about any transmission, testing or symptom issues. These issues must be discussed in the public forum. Misuse of the PM function in this manner will result in your PM privileges being removed without warning.


Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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