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Author Topic: Rehab...  (Read 1960 times)

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Offline Pricho01

  • Member
  • Posts: 58
Rehab...
« on: September 23, 2012, 06:29:58 AM »
I am really hesitant posting this as I am not sure what kind of responses I am going to get.... if you have judgmental shit to say - can I just tell you up front to just not post it... taa


I started doing (smoking) Crystal Meth about 3 years ago..... I had never injected till I went to a party and someone suggested I give it a go which I did (my responsibility) and the rush was pretty incredible and really that was it for me - it became something that I started to chase.

At the time I had a great job and I guess I don't really need to spell the rest out, it's a pretty typical story... I ended up chasing the drug...my self esteem has never been that good and I have definitely done things to hurt myself over time...and others including my family. When my dad died last year I almost killed myself from using it as a crutch...to block out the pain...looked like a skeleton....

These days its not a daily thing but is still fairly regular....

My psychologist wants me to go into rehab and I would really LOVE to hear from anyone who has been through a rehab program cause I never have and to be frank it scares the shit out of me...

I have an interview Wednesday with a rehab centre to talk through options...

Obviously the CM is no good for me HIV wise and I know adds to all sorts of other health problems... I have people telling me to go for it - and others saying its a crock of shit and won't work...

Anyone who has been there, who knows what this is like, is willing to share I would really appreciate hearing from you....

My other option is to hand over control of my money to a family member...try that instead...

Phew...this is hard....!
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it! Sincerely, The Opportunist

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,460
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2012, 07:00:02 AM »
I've not had much experience dealing with those addicted to CM.  I previously worked in a drug/alcohol rehab center but that was before CM became so prevalent.  Whenever I was doing assessments, the one comment I usually made was; "if you're questioning whether you need treatment, then the answer is probably yes".

Seeking treatment does not make you weak, it makes you strong.  It takes a strong person to recognize negative behaviors and then seek help.

Best of luck with whatever course you choose.

Wolfie
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline Common_ground

  • Member
  • Posts: 288
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2012, 08:42:03 AM »
No judgement here buddy, I hear you.

Given my track record of alcohol and drugs in recent years I thought I was to go on a neverending binge when I found out, but when I got + it was like the pieces started to fall together. I can say, for the first time I could see myself and my life in a new light and it brought me some invaluable insights on how to change for the better. I didnt go for treatment but in retrospect I might have been HIV - this day if I did earlier. Whatever you choose , just coming here telling us and seeking advice is a bbbiiiigg step, youre acknowledging the problem.

Anyway,this thread isnt about me but I can identify in some of the stuff youre going through.

Wishing you well and good luck :)
2011 May - Neg.
2012 June CD4:205, 16% VL:2676 Start Truvada/Stocrin
2012 July  CD4:234, 18% VL:88
2012 Sep  CD4:238, 17% VL:UD
2013 Feb  CD4:257, 24% VL:UD -viramune/truvada
2013 May CD4:276, 26% VL:UD

Offline Mrmojorisin

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  • Posts: 207
    • My Blog
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2012, 10:28:02 AM »
I have never been addicted to drugs, but have several family members who are and were. Several have been through rehab. The one thing they say is, it works if you want it to work. It will not work if you do not want to go. You have to go for yourself, have to want to quit for yourself.  Good luck..
Started Meds On 5/1/2012 Norvair, Truvada, Prezista, and Bactrim

4/17/2012--CD4 83/ VL 353,000  7.0%
5/15/2012--CD4 218/ VL 4,970    14.1%
6/27/2012--CD4 146/ VL 420      6.1%
10/11/2012-CD4-223/ VL-62       9.5%
2/14/2013--CD4-215/ VL-119      13.6%
7/3/2013---CD4-256/ VL-UD       18.0%
10/18/2013 CD4-223/ VL-UD       22.2%
01/23/2014-CD4-381/VL-UD       25.3%--Dropped the Bactrim

"arrrrhhhhh ahhrrhhhhh aaaarrhhh"- Chewbacca

Offline Jeff G

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  • Member
  • Posts: 11,226
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2012, 10:32:01 AM »
I was addicted to meth at one point in my life so I do know a thing or two about what you are dealing with . I managed to kick the habit without rehab , so I cant specifically speak to that issue but I do feel that there isn't any one path better than the other as long as you get there in the end . I cant think of any drug that has the potential for more damage and destruction as meth can have on you , your family and your friends , so I applaud you for deciding to do what it takes to stop .

If rehab is an option for you I would do it without hesitation , it certainly cant hurt and you may be able to learn some coping skills that will allow you to remain drug free . Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need to talk . Stay strong , Jeff .   

Offline phildinftlaudy

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  • Posts: 2,961
  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2012, 10:37:32 AM »
I worked in the addictions field for 10 years...both inpatient and outpatient -
Rehab is a wonderful beginning to getting your life on track.
It will provide you with the tools and support you need to get and stay "clean and sober/clean and serene."

You definitely have taken a big first step in knowing that you have a problem that needs to be addressed.

YOU CAN DO IT! and rehab is just the place to get a new start at life - if you go with the intention of soaking in and doing everything that they teach you.

Rehab can give you the ability to quit walking into that cement wall face first over and over and over again (and then again and again) that addiction is comparable to.

Rehab can be the best gift you give yourself (and those who love you)

Best of luck to you!
-Phil
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline bocker3

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,370
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2012, 11:07:45 AM »
Should you go to rehab?  That all depends....  do you want to run your life or do you want drugs to run your life?

Rehab is a great way to START your recovery.  It will be a life-long journey. 

While I did not go to an in-patient rehab program -- I have been sober since Oct 1989 (alcohol was my drug of choice).  It wasn't easy, but instead of planning my life around my next drink, I now live my life. 

I know many people who did go through in-patient rehab (my partner included) -- they do not regret their choice.  It helped them get over the physical part of their addictions and gave them the tools they needed to live life without alcohol and drugs.  It showed them how to live "a day at a time" (or, when it gets rough, an hour or a minute at a time).

So -- should you go?  I say yes, but you have to make that call.  People who can "handle" booze and drugs, rarely stop to consider if they need rehab, so if you are think you need it, you probably do.

Best of luck.
Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline james3000

  • Member
  • Posts: 140
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2012, 11:32:13 AM »
I went through Rehab the 'HARM REDUCTION' part of it is very useful.

Had group therapy that was difficult but we got through it.

Its a good place for a restart. The only thing was that some after treatment hung out with the people they met there leading to worse addiction.

I lived far away so was not a problem for me.

Offline LiveWithIt

  • Member
  • Posts: 378
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #8 on: September 23, 2012, 01:39:51 PM »
If you have the chance to go take it.  I've never had a drug problem, but I recently lost a great friendship when a friend of mine started smoking meth.  I reached out to him and told him he could be honest and that I wouldn't tell him to stop because I know I can't make him and he took it as a threat and pushed me away instead.  I said some mean things to him via text but I didn't know how sick and paranoid he was from meth, he had me fooled into thinking he hadn't done it in two weeks and was only doing it recreationally for sex.  I still have hope that one day the friendship will be fixed, but he has shut me out.   Regardless I wish him the best to get over his addiction before it ruins his life.  Nothing good can come from doing meth.  I wish you the best too. 
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline Denver Toad

  • Member
  • Posts: 160
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2012, 06:09:32 PM »
Lordy Lordy I love meth. I'll smoke it, snort it, drop it in my morning coffee, I'll take it any way I can get it. The smell, the feel, the variety of colors, chopping it up, making the nicest little lines across the mirror, the feeling I'm fucking superman. The long rambling conversations, the things I get done at two in the morning. Ahhhhh mother fucking meth.

That first rush is incredible. So's the second, sometimes the third. After that, at least for me, it was a shitload of chasing and I never did equal that first rush. Spent a whole lotta time and money trying. Learned to lie to myself, my friends, my family, and damm near anybody else that would listen. I ran my body ragged, fucked up my teeth, and caught a virus that I can't seem to shake. I willingly did things that to this day I can't explain. Meth was my best friend and my worst enemy.

I ended up in rehab through a family intervention. They caught me after a four day run, I was too tired to argue or I likely would have told them to fuck off. I knew I was addicted, I could see what Ii was doing to myself, I just couldn't imagine life without crystal. Rehab was for quitters and pussies. I'll quit on my own when I'm ready. What's that suitcase for? What the fuck are you talking about, I have a choice? Blah blah blah, yada yada yada.. will they ever shut up? One of the family members was a psychiatrist, he twisted my words against me, confused the shit outta me. I really ended up agreeing to go just to shut them all up. My plan was to get a few days sleep, a few good meals, and get the hell out of there. Five weeks later I walked out a changed man.

What did I learn in rehab? I learned I was an addict, although that was pretty self evident. I learned I had a disease, the disease of addiction. I learned that I was not morally weak and the biggest shit head the world had ever seen. I learned to quit feeling sorry for myself, that shit happens. I learned that I, and I alone, control my reactions to the shit that happens. I learned that I couldn't do it alone. I had a support system that fostered my habit, it made sense that I had a support system that kept me clean. I learned it took work, more work than getting tweaked ever did, to stay clean. And I learned I could live a life without meth.

I've slipped once. Worked at Home Depot at the time, in the tool dept. The store was closed and I was sweeping the floor. Came around the corner and there it was... a fat bag of meth on the floor. (dumb ass shoplifter) I told myself it was my duty to take that shit directly to the bathroom and flush it. By the time I got to the bathroom I'd convinced my self there were cameras in the stalls and I'd get caught. It was a a far better decision to take it home and flush it in the privacy of my own home. Two days later it was gone, I felt like shit, had spent a lot of money I didn't have, and it was wholly evident I could never touch meth again. In retrospect it was a good event. A wake up call to someone foolish and arrogant enough to believe he was strong enough to stop at one line.

My advice, go to rehab. Don't hesitate grab it with both hands. You have an opportunity, and that opportunity may not last. It may not wait for you to get ready to go. What have you got to loose? Really, what the fuck have you got to loose?

And that money thing, honestly, sign over control to your family member. Take away the option. Besides, what will you need money for in rehab?

I wish you courage, I hope you make it.

One day at a time,
Todd
« Last Edit: September 23, 2012, 06:14:32 PM by Denver Toad »
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Offline phildinftlaudy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,961
  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2012, 06:21:16 PM »
Denver Toad: Great post, honest story, and straight-forward guidance

At a time when other threads contain posts by "members" who either directly seek to do others harm or who believe that positive people have no responsibility towards protecting the lives of others from being infected.... your post to Pricho01 was refreshing - and spoke of someone who wants to contribute to people's life force and not take away from it.

Thank you for posting -
Pricho01 - I hope you read what Denver wrote, read it again, and take the next step...
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,137
  • your ramblings bore Yamaguchi Kitteh
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2012, 07:58:15 PM »
I was in Rehab twice. I flunked out once.

I was a SERIOUS Cocaine addict for about 3 years. I was snorting upwards of $500/day sometimes more, and was dealing to pay for it, In the end I was dealing about $7k weekly. We are talking serious stuff.

I got busted during a traffic stop after a Snoop Dog concert. (had visible cocaine on my nostrils). Luckily I only had a small baggie on me so I only got a Possesion charge, otherwise I would still be in jail. If I agreed to rehab I could ahve the charge dropped.

I attended outpatient rehab for about 4 weeks before I was caught dealing drugs in the parking lot during a 15 minute break to clients from the bar who would drive to my rehab facility and wait for me outside. Sad. Rehab was a joke for me and only an avenue to get my charge dismissed. I was jacked up during most of my sessions and failed several piss tests.

I was sent before the Judge again. I spent 4 days in Jail and nearly lost my very good Job at a Large Corporation. I had to go before my HR department and was told If I did not complete rehab I would be dismissed. My HR and managers petitioned the Judge to allow me to attend Rehab again (I still owe them a huge debt). He agreed.

I went through a second round of outpatient rehab, Every night M-F for 4 hours, for 6mos. It was intense. It was hard.  I learned alot about myself but mostly it was about who I was surrounding myself with and why, and that it's "People and places" that will screw you up when you are an addict. I never used Cocaine again, dont even feel a need.

If I can stop, anyone can stop.

I think if you have come to the point to consider Rehab, you need to follow through and go for it. Even if it doesnt work for you it will give you a basis to work from.

-Will
« Last Edit: September 23, 2012, 08:03:48 PM by WillyWump »
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline Pricho01

  • Member
  • Posts: 58
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2012, 09:06:17 PM »
Wow - to everyone who has responded to this thread - first of all thanks! I was nervous logging in this morning, thinking I would have 3000 views and not one response! That would have been hard...

You all have unique but similar stories to tell and great advice to give. Hearing from people who actually had similar issues across the board is brilliant!

Todd (Denver) - your story I really got - so thanks for sharing that and it gives me a different insight and strength to move forward...yeah that "feeling" is just incredible and there are nights where I have to force myself to think about other things cause it just creeps into my mind...Ugh!

I will go to the interview on Wednesday....if a place is offered I WILL take it...it's a 3 - 9 month program....so its a big commitment but I remember the Phil (me) I was before I tried this shit! Would like to be there again...

Again sincerely thanks for your comments and stories and support!

It was unexpected but extremely welcome! I will post again and let you know what happens after the interview and then I might be very quiet for a loooong time.... but in a good way...!

Phil  :)

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it! Sincerely, The Opportunist

Offline LiveWithIt

  • Member
  • Posts: 378
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #13 on: September 23, 2012, 09:15:24 PM »
There is a meth help site called http://www.kci.org/ that has info and forums that may help you too, good luck.
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline phildinftlaudy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,961
  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #14 on: September 23, 2012, 09:18:50 PM »
it just creeps into my mind...Ugh!

I will go to the interview on Wednesday....if a place is offered I WILL take it...it's a 3 - 9 month program....so its a big commitment but I remember the Phil (me) I was before I tried this shit! Would like to be there again...



Phil - (BTW, good name)
Remember that addiction is a walking, talking, thinking, and insidious disease - its only purpose is to get you to use - and its only goal is to get you to die from using (it won't be satisfied until it accomplishes this) - I am saying that because it is important to keep in mind - as the disease will try to find any reason in the world to keep you from going into rehab (example: it is too long of a commitment; what will people think; why do I have to get up early; I don't like the staff; I don't like the food; I don't like the color of the building or the room they put me in, etc.)

Just remember - that rehab is like garlic is to a vampire..... your disease (addiction) will not like the fact that you are about to put it into remission - so be prepared for that and listen to what the people at the interview are telling you....

No excuses, no reasons, no "let's wait until next week", etc...... Go and do your thing - you will love the person you come out as ---- expect a miracle.

Keep us informed and know that you have people here who know that you can do this (one day at a time, one hour at a time, and one minute at a time) - the only thing you have to do perfectly in recovery is not use......

Best to you Phil,
-Phil
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline bocker3

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,370
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #15 on: September 23, 2012, 09:50:28 PM »
Keep us informed and know that you have people here who know that you can do this (one day at a time, one hour at a time, and one minute at a time) - the only thing you have to do perfectly in recovery is not use......

I want to second what Phil said here.....  with one addition.  When you think it is "too much" or the desire to use becomes very strong, do this:

OK -- tomorrow I will consider it, but NOT today.  If it's really, really bad -- OK -- an hour from now I will consider it, but NOT this hour.  Repeat as needed.  I know this works -- it kept me from drinking many times.  Don't consider "forever", it's too daunting.  A day at a time is an overused, but incredibly helpful motto.

Best of luck -- and please keep us informed, as you can.

Hugs,
Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline Denver Toad

  • Member
  • Posts: 160
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #16 on: September 24, 2012, 12:40:37 PM »
Quote
I will go to the interview on Wednesday....if a place is offered I WILL take it...it's a 3 - 9 month program....so its a big commitment but I remember the Phil (me) I was before I tried this shit! Would like to be there again...

Great to hear. Three to nine months is nothing in comparison to how long many of us use. Time wise a but drop in the bucket compared to years of misery.

Phil, I'm glad you found something in the words that I wrote. There's many many more who tell similar stories.

I'd like to share a quote with you. For me it's a reminder that who I was before recovery. It's from the NA basic text chapter 3, Why Are We Here?

Quote
We are addicts seeking recovery. We used drugs to cover up our feelings, and did whatever was necessary to get them. Many of us woke up sick, unable to make it to work, or went to work loaded. Many of us stole to support our habit. We hurt the ones we loved. We did all these things and told ourselves, "We can handle it". We were looking for a way out. We couldn't face life on its own terms. In the beginning, using was fun. For us it became a habit and finally was necessary for survival. The progression of the disease was not apparent to us. We continued on the path of destruction, unaware of where it was leading us. We were addicts and did not know it. Through drugs we tried to avoid reality, pain and misery. When the drugs wore off, we realized that we still had the same problems and that they were becoming worse. We sought relief by using again and again - more drugs, more often.

We sought help and found none. Often doctors didn't understand our dilemma; they tried to help by giving us medication. Our husbands, wives and loved ones gave us what they had and drained themselves in the hope that we would stop using or get better. We tried substituting one drug for another, but this only prolonged our pain. We tried limiting our usage to "social" amounts without success. There is no such thing as a "social addict". Some of us sought an answer through churches, religions or cultism. Some sought a cure by geographic change, blaming our surroundings and living situations for our problems. This attempt only gave us a chance to take advantage of new people. Some of us sought approval through sex or change of friends. This approval-seeking carried us further into our addiction. Some of us tried marriage, divorce or desertion. Regardless of what we tried, we could not escape from our disease.

We reached a point in our lives where we felt like a lost cause. Our worth to our jobs, families and friends was little or none. Many of us were unemployed and unemployable. Any form of success was frightening and unfamiliar. We didn't know what to do. As the self-loathing grew, we needed to use more and more to mask our feelings. We were sick and tired of pain and trouble. We were frightened and ran from the fear. No matter how far we ran, we always carried the fear with us. We were hopeless, useless and lost. Failure had become our way of life and self-esteem was nonexistent. Perhaps the most painful of all was the desperation of loneliness. Isolation and the denial of our addiction kept us moving along this downhill path. Any hope of getting better disappeared. Helplessness, emptiness and fear became our way of life. We were complete failures. Personality change was what we really needed. Change from self-destructive patterns of life became necessary. When we lied, cheated or stole, we degraded ourselves in our own eyes. We had had enough of self-destruction. We experienced how powerless we really are. When nothing relieved our paranoia and fear, we hit bottom and became ready to ask for help.
[/i]

Philinftlaudy, Thanks for the gracious comments. I was trying to share my experience, strength and hope. My story is but one of many, all with a common theme of addiction. If words rings true for Phil #2 I'm gladdened.

Edited for clarity.
« Last Edit: September 24, 2012, 12:44:10 PM by Denver Toad »
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Offline Pricho01

  • Member
  • Posts: 58
Re: Rehab...
« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2012, 10:57:14 PM »

Philinftlaudy, Thanks for the gracious comments. I was trying to share my experience, strength and hope. My story is but one of many, all with a common theme of addiction. If words rings true for Phil #2 I'm gladdened.

Edited for clarity.

Be gladdened!  :)
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it! Sincerely, The Opportunist

 


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