Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 20, 2014, 04:25:07 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 23507
  • Latest: Zopper
Stats
  • Total Posts: 639525
  • Total Topics: 48545
  • Online Today: 179
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 4
Guests: 136
Total: 140

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: A Letter to my Uninfected Body  (Read 1420 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline engineergirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 81
  • What?
A Letter to my Uninfected Body
« on: September 20, 2012, 05:17:39 PM »
Dear Uninfected Body,

A little over ten years ago July you were strong, courageous, and full of life… You had just finished your Bachelor’s degree and enlisted in the United States Army.  You were on top of the world and unstoppable, you believed then that you could do anything and in enlisting had set out on a path to accomplish everything.

One humid early morning before the sun rose as you stood in the dense woods during an overnight tactical training your body was attacked, physically… sexually, your skin brutally torn, your clothes the same… your soul never to be the same.  Sirens, photographs, statements… the perpetrator arrested. Newspapers wrote... your story became the communities.  The news spread, whispers in the hospital halls turned from what had happened to what might happen, the inevitable.  He had AIDS.

Medications filled my stomach, a new vocabulary my mind, fear… my heart.  “Take these three times a day… get tested in three months, then again in six months.”

Weeks passed and your throat became sore… a rash upon your body, lymph glands swelled.  A trip to the local clinic and you were diagnosed with a virus.  Internet searches began and as you lay your head down that evening you realized, seroconversion had taken over.  HIV had invaded your body.  You would never be the same… a tear rolled down your cheek and fear and loneliness set in.

Window period collapsed and your test was conducted: positive… that’s two lines on the little white stick.  ( | | )

You were not afraid to love back then… you were not afraid to touch, to be touched.  You had no need to stand up for yourself, for your rights, to fight stigma.  You have come far in your new body.  Learning to stand for equality in healthcare, in relationships… you have learned to not take it personally when someone thinks of you a whore or a drug user.  You have been ridiculed, but you have been strong.  I am proud of you for making this journey with me… for understanding that sometimes life changes, in an instant and that in order to become who we are… we had to take a piece of who we were and daily mold that piece into who we are capable of being.

You, my old friend, my old uninfected body will find love again, will find the touch of another again… you will find equality in a world without stigma, you will look into the eyes of another and not feel shame and guilt… you will stand and say, I have HIV, I am infected and may my positive outlook on life affect all of those I come in contact with… because I, like you need love.

Love always, your infected body,

Amanda
« Last Edit: September 21, 2012, 09:44:43 AM by engineergirl »
amanda j.
Currently 28 weeks pregnant with a little boy...

Offline karry

  • Member
  • Posts: 271
Re: A Letter to my Uninfected Body
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2012, 05:32:19 PM »
Hi Amanda!
You are a strong person...Reading your letter inspired me.
Hugs to you...and many more years to come.
Karry
Take it a day at a time....and be positive about it too!

Offline surf18

  • Member
  • Posts: 525
Re: A Letter to my Uninfected Body
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2012, 07:00:54 PM »
wow
that was powerful amanda

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,536
Re: A Letter to my Uninfected Body
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2012, 08:59:31 PM »
Very powerful.  Thanks for sharing and congrats on the new love of your life who will be joining the world shortly.

Wolfie
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline HippieLady

  • Member
  • Posts: 219
Re: A Letter to my Uninfected Body
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2012, 09:35:28 PM »
Great letter Amanda.  I can identify with many of your emotions. Thanks for sharing such a powerful message.
~Katie~
Diagnosed HIV+ April 30, 2010

Current CD4-638  VL-UD  11/2013

Offline engineergirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 81
  • What?
Re: A Letter to my Uninfected Body
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2012, 09:46:55 AM »
Writing this was a bit more therapeutic than I imagined it would be.  Thanks for taking the time to read... and comment.  It's been the toughest battle of my "infected" life this last year.  I've been in process of adopting a child and the protests and court battles are so infuriating and demeaning, that mixed with the planned IV pregnancy and you can only imagine the looks I get in conservative Utah... this letter needed to be written.
amanda j.
Currently 28 weeks pregnant with a little boy...

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: A Letter to my Uninfected Body
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2012, 11:37:31 AM »


  You are stronger than I could ever hope to be.  Thanks for sharing this letter and congrats on the upcoming birth of your baby boy.

  Thomas
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline niecy_nurse

  • Member
  • Posts: 22
  • Too blessed to be stressed.
Re: A Letter to my Uninfected Body
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2012, 12:34:58 PM »
Powerful words. Thanks for sharing. Congrats on your upcoming bundle of joy!!
Diagnosed July 6, 2012 by mouth swab
Confirmed July 25, 2012: VL=821
August 7, 2012: VL=1054, CD4:578
Sept. 12, 2012: CD4=701
Sept. 13, 2012: Started Complera
Oct. 5, 2012: VL=UD; CD4=809

Offline OneTampa

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,197
  • "Butterflies are free."
Re: A Letter to my Uninfected Body
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2012, 06:57:17 PM »
Amanda,

Such power in your letter.  You are a superwoman.  And, congratulations on your baby.

Best.
« Last Edit: September 21, 2012, 07:00:23 PM by OneTampa »
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaíto frito."

Offline geobee

  • Member
  • Posts: 281
Re: A Letter to my Uninfected Body
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2012, 08:05:37 PM »
I'm very glad I read your letter, Amanda.  Thank you for it.

Offline LoboDog

  • Member
  • Posts: 78
Re: A Letter to my Uninfected Body
« Reply #10 on: September 22, 2012, 08:19:19 PM »
Amanda,

So few people understand the stigma that we go through. Having a cold, the flu, even cancer is not looked down upon and yet a tiny slow progressing virus is. Kudos to you for your letter, for your bravery and for not hiding.

Hugs!

Offline engineergirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 81
  • What?
Re: A Letter to my Uninfected Body
« Reply #11 on: September 24, 2012, 09:51:39 AM »
Thanks everyone!  It was such a good thing for me to write that letter... I encourage you to take a moment and write one to your uninfected self.  It was extremely therapeutic.

Have a great week!
amanda j.
Currently 28 weeks pregnant with a little boy...

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.