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Author Topic: Serodiscordinant Heterosexual relationship  (Read 2752 times)

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Offline lovelove

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  • Posts: 6
Serodiscordinant Heterosexual relationship
« on: September 19, 2012, 11:28:49 AM »
Hi Everyone!!!

I am new here and I appreciate the support this forum offers.  I am in a new relationship with a man that is HIV+ and I am HIV- woman.  He was very honest and disclosed his status to me within the first week of us meeting.  I was very ignorant to the new medical developments with HIV and was initially thrown off by what he told me.  But I knew that it was something unique and special about him that made me want to continue forward instead of making a rash dicision to flee. I'm actually proud of myself for not being judgemental or running away.  Anyways upon telling me he told me to do some research on it and he would take me to his doctor so that I could ask questions about HIV and about his medical status and history. We did and a lot of my fears were put to rest. 

Well we had sex for the first time this week with protection, is it normal for me to have felt a little weird.  It felt so gushy and the condom did not break.  Was all of the gushyness coming from me?  Do condoms protect very well if he is undetectable?  Also our first attempt to have intercourse he coould not get a complete erection.  He then told me that he takes testosterone. Is this a side effect from certain medication?  Over the long term does this type of issue present a problem in a relationship? Also does anyone know whether HIV always turn into AIDS at some point? Have you all ever known of anyone who contracted HIV using a condom?

I ask all of these questions out of curiosity.  No matter the answer I plan to continue this relationship with this man because I am falling so deep for him.

Thank you in advance for your feedback!!!
« Last Edit: September 19, 2012, 11:35:11 AM by lovelove »

Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,252
Re: Serodiscordinant Heterosexual relationship
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2012, 02:59:51 PM »
 :o one at a time with the answers

Sure, feeling a bit weird with a new partner can be normal.

It may have been you gushing, and or a lubed condom.

YES   condoms  are effective.

Testosterone levels, side effect of meds, performance anxiety. YES all of the above.

Long term,  no problems only solutions.

NO, HIV does not always develop into AIDS. Treated, it probably never will.

No, I've  never known anyone who contracted HIV while using a condom.
« Last Edit: September 19, 2012, 03:08:42 PM by zach »

Offline lovelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: Serodiscordinant Heterosexual relationship
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2012, 03:38:41 PM »
Thanks so much for responding Zach!!!!  I was hoping this site could provide me with support and answer some of questions along the way as well.  I dont want to make him feel as though I am always asking questions about it ya know.  He definitely doesnt need that constant reminder from me. He is a very sweet guy and I just want us to be happy together.

Not sure if I will get much support here because you seem to be the only one who responded. lol

Offline Common_ground

  • Member
  • Posts: 288
Re: Serodiscordinant Heterosexual relationship
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2012, 04:04:42 PM »
Just give it some time. I understand your worrying, but try to take it step by step. The HIV might be at your forefront now but soon youll be able to box it and put it somewhere in the background.
2011 May - Neg.
2012 June CD4:205, 16% VL:2676 Start Truvada/Stocrin
2012 July  CD4:234, 18% VL:88
2012 Sep  CD4:238, 17% VL:UD
2013 Feb  CD4:257, 24% VL:UD -viramune/truvada
2013 May CD4:276, 26% VL:UD

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 11,254
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Serodiscordinant Heterosexual relationship
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2012, 07:05:50 PM »
I dont understand what "gushy" and "gushyness" is referring to. Whatever it is and it is making you anxious somehow?
« Last Edit: September 20, 2012, 11:20:18 PM by mecch »
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline SimplyHope

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Re: Serodiscordinant Heterosexual relationship
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2012, 11:26:58 PM »
First off, welcome! now, take a breath and I promise you it will be okay. I met my boyfriend 2+ years ago and he told me he was positive on our first date. It very tough to deal with.
You need to get educated on HIV in general and also what it looks like for your guy. Knowing what HIV is and is not and how it is transmitted is important for you to know. The Body.com was the first place I went in the beginning!
My guy was very open about everything, I met his doctor before I met his mother, but not everyone is so open.
For me the roughest part was the first few months because I had to figure out how to deal his status and us. Once I had figured things out (i.e. who to tell in my family, if we were going to have kids down the road), we could both just enjoy each other.

My main fears these days are about his health and prognosis. He has been poz for 20+ yrs and while he is doing okay, there is always that fear in the back of my head.

My last piece of advice is to be gentle with yourself, this is a lot to deal with and you need to surround yourself with support and education in whatever form that comes.

Offline lovelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Please help!!!!!! Can HIV be transmitted this way
« Reply #6 on: September 24, 2012, 10:49:23 AM »
Hi Everyone!!!

I hope that I am not being to explicit but I am have a burning question.  My boyfriend is POZ and I am HIV- and we always use condoms.  Last night he rubbed his bare private area in side mine with no penetration not even going all the way in just moreso rubbing.  I hope I do not sound petty at all.  But I am curious as to whether or not the virus can be transmitted by this type of contact.  Again this was not intercourse at all no where close just a little rubbing.  His Viral Load is 27 which his doctor said is almost undetecable. 

I apologize to anyone that I may offend or gross out with this post but I am very new to this and love my boyfriend so much and want this relationship to be a happy and safe one.

I appreciate all responses.


Offline Miss Philicia

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  • Posts: 23,902
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Please help!!!!!! Can HIV be transmitted this way
« Reply #7 on: September 24, 2012, 11:02:33 AM »
In a separate thread you stated that you went to your (new) boyfriend's HIV doctor to discuss fully transmission issues. Why would you think that what you just described is a possible route of transmission?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline lovelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: Please help!!!!!! Can HIV be transmitted this way
« Reply #8 on: September 24, 2012, 11:12:55 AM »
That is true I did post that in a previous post.  I did not think to ask if that is included in possible transmission.  Im not sure where you are going with your response but If you have an answer to my question I welcome your feedback.  Thank you so much!!!

Offline Ann

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  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Serodiscordinant Heterosexual relationship
« Reply #9 on: September 24, 2012, 02:00:42 PM »
Love, I merged your two threads because they're essentially about the same thing - hiv transmission.

The rubbing without penetration you describe is called frottage and frottage is not a risk for hiv infection.

Basically all you two need to do is to use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions, and you will remain hiv negative. It really is that simple!!!

Good luck with your relationship, and I hope you can get over your initial fears.

I also hope you've been getting regular, routine sexual health care check ups during the years that you've been sexually active, so you know you're not bringing any unwanted STIs into the relationship either.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Jmarksto

  • Member
  • Posts: 468
Re: Serodiscordinant Heterosexual relationship
« Reply #10 on: September 29, 2012, 01:59:50 PM »
Love;

Welcome to the forums and congratulations on your relationship.  As an HIV+ male also in a serodiscordinant hetero relationship - my experience is that your feelings and questions are very natural and normal. 

Great work in educating yourself and best wishes,

JM
03/15/12 Negative
06/15/12 Positive
07/11/12 CD4 790          VL 4,000
08/06/12 CD4 816/38%   VL 49,300
08/20/12 Started Complera
11/06/12 CD4   819/41% VL 38
02/11/13 CD4   935/41% VL UD
06/06/13 CD4   816/41% VL UD
10/28/13 CD4 1131/45%  VL 25
02/25/14 CD4   792/37%  VL UD
07/09/14 CD4 1004/39%   VL UD

Offline Wahoo1

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Serodiscordinant Heterosexual relationship
« Reply #11 on: October 27, 2012, 11:52:47 PM »
Love, I merged your two threads because they're essentially about the same thing - hiv transmission.

The rubbing without penetration you describe is called frottage and frottage is not a risk for hiv infection.

Basically all you two need to do is to use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions, and you will remain hiv negative. It really is that simple!!!

Good luck with your relationship, and I hope you can get over your initial fears.

I also hope you've been getting regular, routine sexual health care check ups during the years that you've been sexually active, so you know you're not bringing any unwanted STIs into the relationship either.

Ann

Hi Ann, I've read many posts on this site and greatly respect your opinion on these subjects.  I've been wondering about the same kinds of things discussed in this post.  Are you saying that in the case of serodiscordant relations where the male is pos and the female is neg and the male is successfully on meds with UD VL then condoms would only need to be used for vaginal/anal sex?  Meaning unprotected oral sex is fine, even when ejaculating?  I have read many things on this subject just interested in hearing more. Thanks in advance.

Offline songs06

  • Member
  • Posts: 114
Re: Serodiscordinant Heterosexual relationship
« Reply #12 on: November 08, 2012, 06:02:43 AM »
i don't know if i am allowed to answer any questions here but...

1-being UD doesn't mean UD semen as well.
2-oral sex is really low risk, even when someone is not UD. i can't say it is risk-free when ejaculating involved (especially if you have bad oral hygene) but i am SURE without ejaculation oral sex have NO risk at all. so don't worry. even unprotected anal sex (which is the highest risk) have %3-1 transmission risk depending on viral load of the person. oral sex transmission is still questionable, and there hasn't been a proven case we heard of yet.

if i were, i wouldn't brush my teeth right before or after performing oral sex and that s all. but use condom for anal and vaginal sex all the time.
18.03.2012 - infected.
14.04.2012 - first positive elisa - UD western blot
30.04.2012 - western blot confirmation positive
03.05.2012 - first lab- CD4: 256   VL: 2.3 M
01.06.2012 - sec lab- CD4: 390 (end of ARS)
01.07.2012 - third lab- CD4: 388 VL: 150.000
11.07.2012 - Started Truvada + Kaletra
04.08.2012 - CD4: 401 VL: 3800
30.09.2012 - CD4: 510 VL: 709
04.01.2013 - CD4: 650 VL: UD! (aka 20)
01.04.2013 - CD4: 460 VL: UD
09.2013 - CD4: 510
02.2014 - CD4: 490

 


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