Main Forums > Someone I Care About Has HIV

Serodiscordinant Heterosexual relationship

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First off, welcome! now, take a breath and I promise you it will be okay. I met my boyfriend 2+ years ago and he told me he was positive on our first date. It very tough to deal with.
You need to get educated on HIV in general and also what it looks like for your guy. Knowing what HIV is and is not and how it is transmitted is important for you to know. The was the first place I went in the beginning!
My guy was very open about everything, I met his doctor before I met his mother, but not everyone is so open.
For me the roughest part was the first few months because I had to figure out how to deal his status and us. Once I had figured things out (i.e. who to tell in my family, if we were going to have kids down the road), we could both just enjoy each other.

My main fears these days are about his health and prognosis. He has been poz for 20+ yrs and while he is doing okay, there is always that fear in the back of my head.

My last piece of advice is to be gentle with yourself, this is a lot to deal with and you need to surround yourself with support and education in whatever form that comes.

Hi Everyone!!!

I hope that I am not being to explicit but I am have a burning question.  My boyfriend is POZ and I am HIV- and we always use condoms.  Last night he rubbed his bare private area in side mine with no penetration not even going all the way in just moreso rubbing.  I hope I do not sound petty at all.  But I am curious as to whether or not the virus can be transmitted by this type of contact.  Again this was not intercourse at all no where close just a little rubbing.  His Viral Load is 27 which his doctor said is almost undetecable. 

I apologize to anyone that I may offend or gross out with this post but I am very new to this and love my boyfriend so much and want this relationship to be a happy and safe one.

I appreciate all responses.

Miss Philicia:
In a separate thread you stated that you went to your (new) boyfriend's HIV doctor to discuss fully transmission issues. Why would you think that what you just described is a possible route of transmission?

That is true I did post that in a previous post.  I did not think to ask if that is included in possible transmission.  Im not sure where you are going with your response but If you have an answer to my question I welcome your feedback.  Thank you so much!!!

Love, I merged your two threads because they're essentially about the same thing - hiv transmission.

The rubbing without penetration you describe is called frottage and frottage is not a risk for hiv infection.

Basically all you two need to do is to use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions, and you will remain hiv negative. It really is that simple!!!

Good luck with your relationship, and I hope you can get over your initial fears.

I also hope you've been getting regular, routine sexual health care check ups during the years that you've been sexually active, so you know you're not bringing any unwanted STIs into the relationship either.



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