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Author Topic: I wish I knew, now it's too late.  (Read 1042 times)

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Offline needtoknowstill

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I wish I knew, now it's too late.
« on: September 17, 2012, 09:17:50 AM »
I'm not sure which forum to post in so I'll put it here.

I found out my boyfriend of 9 months had HIV after he died suddenly(not related to his status).  Turns out he was seeing other people also  :-[

I took my test after 5 weeks after our last time together and was negative.  Now I'm waiting for the 3 month mark to test again (October).  He never told me about his status. What I need to know in my head is what was he thinking?!??!?!?!  I know the only person who knows is him, but since he is dead I only can turn to you guys and gals for some enlightenment.

We always used protection, except for oral sex.  He was also so careful with using condoms and I never knew why? I always thought he didn't want to get me pregnant.  We had unprotected once very early on in our relationship and another time the condom was 'lost' in me for a a minute.  I know being tested negative at 5 weeks is a good sign, but not conclusive.

I feel that it was very selfish of him to not tell me and to top it off he was a cheater and lied to me and the other women he was seeing.  I just wanted to vent and share my despair.  One thing I have learned about this experience is to always go in and get tested with your parnters if you guys decide to have sex. I don't I can ever trust anyone and what they tell you after this experience.  I did ask him if he had any STDs and he said no, of course that was after our clothes were off.  So get tested TOGETHER before any action takes place and with your clothes on.

Offline Ann

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Re: I wish I knew, now it's too late.
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2012, 10:03:47 AM »
Need,

I've moved your thread into the Am I Infected forum, which is the most appropriate place for you to post. The Off Topic forum is for subjects that have nothing to do with hiv and as someone who has not been diagnosed as hiv positive, you are not permitted to post in the other sections of these forums.

As you always used condoms for intercourse, you weren't at risk for hiv infection. The time the condom was "lost", it most likely came off during withdrawal, which is not a risk.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days.

A five or six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point - when there has actually been a risk. You haven't had a risk.

With that five week negative you have, you are highly unlikely to go on to test positive if you decide to confirm at the three month point. Besides, you didn't have a risk because you used condoms.

Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

While it may be too late for you to get answers concerning your boyfriend's behaviour (and it's not our place to speculate as to why he behaved as he did), it's not too late for you to remain hiv negative. Keep using condoms.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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