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partner told me he is HIV+

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brighton33:
With regards to the my oral hygiene I have a dental appointment booked for a couple of weeks (booked before I'd even met him) 

Thanks, jkinatl2, I certainly don't have meth mouth (I did google and regretted looking at the pics instantly) And yes, it is way too early to start making suggestions to him I appreciate that. 

Maybe I should just admit to him I'm a bit scared about it and just take it from there.

mecch:

--- Quote from: brighton33 on September 09, 2012, 06:26:49 PM ---
Maybe I should just admit to him I'm a bit scared about it and just take it from there.

--- End quote ---

Yes that's a far better idea than asking him to go on meds....  That was a very bad idea!

Oral hygiene takes more than one doctor visit.  You probably need at least a good scaling of your roots.  Sorry but that will make you bleed quite a bit! Also, fix any cavaties.  Then, you have to get in the habit of brushing AND flossing.  Eventually your gums will heal, and no more bleeding. 

brighton33:
Yeah Mecch, it was a fairly bad idea even for me :)  It would certainly make life less complicated but that's coming from a selfish point of view on my part.

I had a good chat with him this afternoon, he said he'd never put me at risk which is why he never ejaculated during oral.  I told him that I wasn't able to even do that at the moment until my gums have been worked on.  So we will take things slowly in the bedroom department.  He says that he copes really well with everything and that he only has to go to the clinic every 6 months as his body copes well with it.  He said the worst part was the dating side of things and how hard it is to tell people, so I felt a bit guilty about suddenly saying "no oral" but at least things are out in the open on both our sides now. 

jkinatl2:

--- Quote from: brighton33 on September 10, 2012, 02:39:43 PM ---Yeah Mecch, it was a fairly bad idea even for me :)  It would certainly make life less complicated but that's coming from a selfish point of view on my part.

I had a good chat with him this afternoon, he said he'd never put me at risk which is why he never ejaculated during oral.  I told him that I wasn't able to even do that at the moment until my gums have been worked on.  So we will take things slowly in the bedroom department.  He says that he copes really well with everything and that he only has to go to the clinic every 6 months as his body copes well with it.  He said the worst part was the dating side of things and how hard it is to tell people, so I felt a bit guilty about suddenly saying "no oral" but at least things are out in the open on both our sides now. 

--- End quote ---

I think it's great that the two of you have good communication. Maybe by the time his next doctor visit rolls around, you will be able to go with. Find out viral load, all that stuff.

BTW, if you think science has the tiniest shot as breaching your defenses, feel free to read the volumes of stuff about oral sex that Ann and I routinely post in AM I INFECTED.

Basically, we recommend oral sex as safer sex.

brighton33:
Thanks Jkinatl2, and I've read a great post of yours where you post the science behind it all.  The three long term studies and the American study where they followed msm who only performed oral and all these studies showed not one infection - pretty conclusive.  I'm only being hesitant purely because my oral health is bad at the moment, receding gums that bleed and i think I'd be happy just getting that sorted and then I'll be in a good place.  It is frustrating that you get decent honest advice backed by science here and then you look at a site like THT where they state that it is passed on by oral, with no links or studies etc.  For a organisation that is supposed to reduce the stigma around HIV that really doesn't help.

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