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partner told me he is HIV+

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brighton33:
Recently started dating a guy and last weekend he told me he was HIV+, has been for a few years and isn't on meds.  I do have history around health anxiety surrounding HIV after having been put on PEP last year so I was a bit taken aback (but didn't show it to him)

Sex wise we've had oral sex, not anal, and I'm already panicing (i don't have great oral health, I get bleeding gums when I brush my teeth) Apparently the doctors said that he doesn't need medications at the moment, would it be wrong for me to push that further and ask him to enquire more about going on meds?  Even though we've been dating for a short while I want this to last and I want to have sex with him as part of the relationship and I feel if he was on meds I wouldn't be worrying about oral sex like I am now.

mecch:
Why don't you take care of your own defenses against HIV?  If you are worried about your gums, why don't you go to the dentist and get your mouth in better shape?  I don't see you have any legitimate reason to ask a partner to protect you from something that is your own responsibility to take care of.  He'll probably go on meds when the doctors say its a good idea and when he is ready.  Your oral health doesn't mean jack squat in that calculation. 

You realise when someone starts HAART its more or less forever. So a pretty big decision. You've known this guy a few weeks!  You've got some chutzpah!

Maybe when and if you are committed partners you might have something to say about the advantages to your couple of him being seronegative.

Also, read a bit here about the real risks of oral transmission. It's pretty slight.  How about using condoms, and cleaning up your mouth, and taking things as they are and dealing with it.  Or not.  The not being, politely bow out because you can't handle your fears.   

brighton33:
Yup ... and it's because I'm looking for this to move into being committed partners that I'm thinking about these issues. 

mecch:
Well, you didn't answer the question.  Is there some reason you can't bring your oral hygiene up to snuff?

I don't think its a good idea, especially as a build up and (perhaps?) a pre-requisite to a relation, to ask a potential lover to do something major for you when you haven't moved your own butt. I were in his shoes I would read that as self-centered.

jkinatl2:
Unless your oral hygeine means "meth mouth" then you have little to nothing to worry about. Just don't brush your teeth while giving head.

Also, go for a softer brush, chew gum instead (which stimulates saliva- and saliva renders HIV inactive) ans communicate your history with your partner.

I know it was months and months before my current partner was in a position to even make vague suggestions regarding my health and my upkeep of the same. I submit that a few weeks in is a little soon.

Maybe when you guys decide to be committed, your partner will let you go with him to the doctor?

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