Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits > Mental Health & HIV

help, please

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after a while i didn't know what/who to be if i wasn't angry. that was very rare that i wasn't angry...but very scary when it happened.

Anger is a part of the cycle of grief my friend and it is not linear.... you can revisit certain aspects of the grief cycle again and again until resolution of some sort is reached and then you can let it go which I am getting from what you have written has happened (?) Check out the link here...

I think that my real deep anger has passed now....took a while though and I had to keep reminding myself that it was a normal part of the story of my diagnosis. Educating those close to you about this is really helpful too...

i hear you on that too. how do you handle it when that sinking 'i'm nothing' feeling hits? that's a big one for me. that feeling that everyone would be better off if you weren't around. or that no one needs to be burdened by your 'issues'. or just being plain confused when someone gives you a compliment, or they look at you like you're human and an equal or (my kids) capable of great deeds etc and all you can think of is 'if you really knew me you wouldn't say that. you would want to run a mile. you'd be ashamed to even be remotely associated with me...'
i'm still struggling with that 'sense of worthlessness' sometimes. how do you hold it down?

This is a toughie....maybe others who read this will have advice....cause I'm not sure about how to resolve this one.... I would "think" counseling and CBT would be a good way to go here and I'm glad you are putting yourself back in the system.... good on you.

Self worthlessness for me leads to damaging behaviour....and I think can be very selfish at times... you know? Very self focused... so maybe you need to turn that light outward when it shines inside your soul and understand that you have people who think that you are worth something... (your kids love you unconditionally, as I'm sure your wife does too!). I have to say it is hard though! Did someone say Bitch with Boots? LOL

You are not alone, you are definitely not the only one! Trust me..... I see this type of stuff everywhere to some degree or other.... you will survive my friend it is as simple as that.... really try to connect to a therapist when you are ready, someone who will work with you and have a plan of attack rather than just putting out fires...know what I mean? Like setting up a long term treatment plan....

Keep safe - you are inspiring and important.



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