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Author Topic: Bomb  (Read 2144 times)

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Offline Growler

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  • Posts: 567
Bomb
« on: September 05, 2012, 01:40:41 AM »
I think I'm not supposed to know, but someone accidently dropped the "schizophrenia" bomb on me today. I'm not ok, I'm angry they're not talking with me about this shit. I'm composed and I'll smile and be happy and pretend it's all fine. I'm in the library ripping CDs and thats all I'm going to concretate on for a while.

“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”

Offline BT65

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  • Posts: 10,107
Re: Bomb
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2012, 07:04:58 AM »
Who told you and what were the circumstances (were you in someone's office, etc.)?  Why aren't you supposed to know, if that's what your diagnosis is?    I don't blame you for being upset.  But with the right medications, the effects can be lessened and it can be brought under pretty good control.  Hang in there.  I would definitely ask whoever it is is supposed to tell you about it.  I certainly would want to know definitively if that was correct or not.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Ann

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  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Bomb
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2012, 07:43:48 AM »
Sweetness, please ask one of your doctors about this. It could be that this person had their wires crossed or was making assumptions he or she had no business making. You have the right to know your diagnosis and if it's true, they had no right to keep it from you.

Knowledge is power - even when it's not the best news. As Betty mentioned, there are meds that can help you keep this under control, if this is indeed what you're dealing with. 

((((((Growler)))))) hang in there mate! Give Sebastian a hug from me, ok?

Hugs,
Ann
xxx
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Growler

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  • Posts: 567
Re: Bomb
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2012, 03:49:08 PM »
It was the community dementia /mental health nurse who was working with the hospital team and  who's coordinating everything that let it slip.. ....I left hospital without a diagnosis just the antipsychotic meds . It came out when I was  being asked for a list of medical conditions by BGF, a HIV foundation she had accompanied me to yesterday.

I feel nothing now, just tired. Not sad, not angry, nothing. I think it's the risperadone. I don't exist anymore.

 A patient once confided to me that she'd been relieved when her adult son had suicided because he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. I  wont be having HIV meds I can't do this, I failed.

GROWLER
“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”

Offline Jeff G

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  • Posts: 13,295
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Bomb
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2012, 05:24:58 PM »

 I  wont be having HIV meds I can't do this, I failed.

GROWLER

Hi Growler , it must be a shock for you to find out information this way , I know it would would be for me if it happened that way . If there is an upside to this maybe its the fact that knowledge is power , so now that you know what you are up against you can find the right medication and tools to deal with it .

You have allot of people here that are sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way . You have been living with this wether you knew it or not , so tough as it may be to except you haven't failed , you have survived . Please try and keep an open mind about taking the doctors advice about treatment and things may improve for you in time . Best of luck !

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,183
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Bomb
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2012, 07:33:19 PM »
It was the community dementia /mental health nurse who was working with the hospital team and  who's coordinating everything that let it slip.. ....I left hospital without a diagnosis just the antipsychotic meds . It came out when I was  being asked for a list of medical conditions by BGF, a HIV foundation she had accompanied me to yesterday.

I feel nothing now, just tired. Not sad, not angry, nothing. I think it's the risperadone. I don't exist anymore.

 A patient once confided to me that she'd been relieved when her adult son had suicided because he wouldn't have to suffer anymore. I  wont be having HIV meds I can't do this, I failed.

GROWLER

Its understandable to be shocked and stupified by this supposed diagnosis. 

I just wanted to tell YOU that despite how awful you are feeling, your posts here are perfectly cogent, perfectly reasonable, and perfectly human. 

Just saying that from afar, you seem right on target.  So please remember to think outside your mind a little bit, and listen to what people here are saying...  You are still you and you are actually quite together, despite what you may fear and believe.   Even if you do have a mental illness -- its only one facet of the total you.

Now keep ripping those CDs and keep your mind off things and try to get a real honest conversation with a doc or a nurse.  Also - so what music are you ripping, anyway?  Anything good?

Finally, just one sentence I don't understand, and worry about:   "I  wont be having HIV meds I can't do this, I failed."
« Last Edit: September 05, 2012, 07:35:58 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Growler

  • Member
  • Posts: 567
Re: Bomb
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2012, 08:45:05 AM »
Thanks for the support. No need to be concerned about me, just emotionally labile at the moment. Time for some time out. Will let you all know when I move to the new apartment.
Growler.
“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”

 


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