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Author Topic: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds  (Read 8392 times)

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Offline jtgymguy

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I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« on: August 17, 2012, 07:27:04 AM »
When he infected me so he didnt give me the option to say so to sex
Feel really bad
I would mever do anything like that

Offline Ann

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2012, 08:04:06 AM »
JT, did he hold you down and not let you exercise your right to make sure condoms were used? Did he hold you down and not allow you your right to say "no condoms, no fucking"?

In other words, were you raped? Otherwise, you are 50% responsible for your infection, regardless of whether or not he disclosed (remember, many people don't accurately know their hiv status, so you should have been protecting yourself regardless of what was or what was not said about hiv status).

He didn't infect you so much as you acquired your infection from him, in a consensual act of unprotected intercourse.

I'm not being mean or "getting at you", I'm just telling it like it is. The sooner you accept your own part in your infection, the sooner you'll be able to start dealing with being poz.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2012, 09:50:37 AM »
JT, you told us all this 3 months ago in your first post. Why are you bringing this up again?
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline jtgymguy

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2012, 10:13:19 AM »
He knew he was hiv positive
He chose not to tell me

Iknow in texas its illegal so you figure it out

Offline wolfter

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #4 on: August 17, 2012, 10:17:21 AM »
He knew he was hiv positive
He chose not to tell me

Iknow in texas its illegal so you figure it out

There are already criminalization threads going :o

Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline Buckmark

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #5 on: August 17, 2012, 10:50:53 AM »
He knew he was hiv positive
He chose not to tell me

And you chose not to use a condom.

Quote
Iknow in texas its illegal so you figure it out

Actually, Texas does not have specific criminal law about HIV transmission.  Prosecutions in Texas are brought under the charge of "assault with a deadly weapon".   So prosecution is a little more uncertain, and you still have to convince a district attorney to prosecute.   If you do prosecute, be prepared to have every detail of your sexual encounter (and every detail of your previous sexual encounters) questioned, scrutinized and publicized for everyone to see in the media, including family and friends.

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline denb45

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #6 on: August 17, 2012, 10:53:54 AM »
And you chose not to use a condom.

   So prosecution is a little more uncertain, and you still have to convince a district attorney to prosecute.   If you do prosecute, be prepared to have every detail of your sexual encounter (and every detail of your previous sexual encounters) questioned, scrutinized and publicized for everyone to see in the media, including family and friends.

Yup   ;)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline wolfter

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #7 on: August 17, 2012, 10:57:36 AM »
And since you aided and abetted in committing this "crime", shouldn't you be charged with conspiracy? :o 
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline denb45

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #8 on: August 17, 2012, 11:17:31 AM »
also, I wanted to add:  Sexual assault & Rape cases are also prosecuted & treated the very same way, even if HIV-infection occurs are not...
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Solo_LTSurvivor

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #9 on: August 17, 2012, 12:13:02 PM »
Wow.  This thread seems like something straight out of the Jeremy Kyle Show, since he's looking for women --- or am I missing something  :o
don't equate intelligence with lack of masculinity
Jim Phelps, Mission Impossible
____________________________

Seroconverted: Early 80s
Tested & confirmed what I already knew: early 90s

Current regimen: Atripla. 
Last regimen:  Epzicom, Sustiva (since its inception with NO adverse side effects: no vivid dreams and NONE of the problems people who can't tolerate this drug may experience: color me lucky ::))
Past regimens
Fun stuff (in the past):  HAV/HBV, crypto, shingles, AIDS, PCP

Jan 2012: 818/21%
Apr 2012: 964/22%
Jul. 2012: 890/21%
Oct. 2012: 920/23%

Still UD after all these years

Offline leatherman

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #10 on: August 17, 2012, 12:26:32 PM »
Wow. ...since he's looking for women --- or am I missing something  :o

Once you're on meds and have an undetectable viral load, the chances of you passing on your virus in the event of say, a condom break, is about as close to non-existent as you can get. Are you aware that poz/neg couples are having children these days "the old fashioned way", with neither the neg woman nor the baby ending up hiv positive?
JT might want to re-read what Ann posted there anyway, as it's quite likely JT didn't even get HIV the way he "thinks" he did ("guy who infected me was already on hiv meds"). Sounds a lot more like JT got HIV from not having the sense to consider having protected sex with either men and/or women.

Don't get us wrong here JT. No one is "glad" that you're positive; but we all just know that assigning blame does no good. Really in the end, it was YOUR responsibility to protect yourself and you didn't do that - so now you have to deal with the consequences. Trying to assign blame beyond yourself is unproductive, stressful and in reality, changes nothing. You'll still be positive when all is said and done.

Now, one of the consequences of being infected is that you should be to learn all you can about this disease you have so that you can get it properly treated and learn how not to continue spreading it. I suggest you take a look through the Lessons section here to learn more. You'll understand about the tests, the meds, resistance, stress, side effects, and a lot more.

leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline mecch

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #11 on: August 17, 2012, 12:57:27 PM »
jtgymguy -

I hear you.  It sucks when we run across people in life what WE feel have done us wrong. (whether what we believe is true or not, thats what we feel.) 

But thats life and human nature.  You can't dwell on this guy. You can feel good about how you respect other people, and just go on living your life and put that guy into the past.   

Remember to think about whats best for you, going forward.  That is really what people are trying to say.  You do realize that if you get HIV through unsafe sex, whether or not there were lies involved, you have your own responsibility. 

Anyway what is done is done.  You don't have to deal with that person ever again. 

Life is a bit complicated and contradictory.  We want to trust some people because as humans we want to trust.  But you also have to keep your guard up and protect yourself and be a little careful about trusting people.  That is just the way it is. 

Your posts are often quite short.  You never really chat about your health, or your life.  Why don't you post some more.  At least let people know how you are doing with your diagnosis, and health, and doctors and such... 

Share some of the good stuff too.
« Last Edit: August 17, 2012, 01:02:28 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Solo_LTSurvivor

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #12 on: August 17, 2012, 01:06:31 PM »

Your posts are often quite short.  You never really chat about your health, or your life.  Why don't you post some more.  At least let people know how you are doing with your diagnosis, and health, and doctors and such... 

Share some of the good stuff too.

You do realize that he's not exactly ready to look through rose tinted lenses just yet since he's harboring a victim's mentality currently?
don't equate intelligence with lack of masculinity
Jim Phelps, Mission Impossible
____________________________

Seroconverted: Early 80s
Tested & confirmed what I already knew: early 90s

Current regimen: Atripla. 
Last regimen:  Epzicom, Sustiva (since its inception with NO adverse side effects: no vivid dreams and NONE of the problems people who can't tolerate this drug may experience: color me lucky ::))
Past regimens
Fun stuff (in the past):  HAV/HBV, crypto, shingles, AIDS, PCP

Jan 2012: 818/21%
Apr 2012: 964/22%
Jul. 2012: 890/21%
Oct. 2012: 920/23%

Still UD after all these years

Offline mecch

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #13 on: August 17, 2012, 01:18:52 PM »
And JT if you have a resistant virus, the labs will identify that, and the doctors will figure out a solution for you.  Don't speculate about your own health.  Don't waste time speculating about people either, when they are no longer in your life and you can never know if the speculations are true, or not. 

Again, just deal with now, going forward.

Get labs, go to doctors, and fight HIV for yourself and live your life. 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline newandverysad

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #14 on: October 12, 2012, 10:54:38 PM »
Jt!

I had the same situation. The person didnt tell me that she is pos and let me had sex with her.
Although in my case the alcohol was the guilty. I would have never had sex with her in a normal way.
Its so ironic. I was sad, because I desperately was looking for a love, I wanted to settle down, but I couldnt find a girl, because of this I drank too much one night and meeting that night a girl at the bar has changed my life. Now I cant live a normal life that I always wanted.
Dont know if I can believe after this in god and have no idea how to live after this.

But as others say it is going to be ok. I hope they are right.
Thats my story. Probably it will cheer you up better, than other peoples commiserate messages as you can see it happened not just with you.
Im also doing a research weather it is a criminal act or not. Im in Canada. Maybe the rules are different here.
If anybody know anything, pls share it.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #15 on: October 12, 2012, 11:06:56 PM »
Sadly, to agree ti have unprotected sex is to agree to the possibility of acquiring an STD, including HIV.

You will find a way to live, or you won't. HIV is, no doubt about it, a life changing event. So is cancer, and so is any other chronic disease. But medication will make your lifespan - and health-span (not that that's a word) a long one. You can choose to go through this like the rest of us, with some bravery and humility, or you can choose to be a "victim" of your own actions, and blame them on others.

Really either choice brings you here, and drops you off.

It's your health. YOu can now choose to take responsibility for it, or you can choose to abdicate responsibility for it. I have seen few people do the latter and survive this.

Really, it's up to you at this point, like it's always been.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline newandverysad

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #16 on: October 13, 2012, 12:55:35 AM »
Well, I dont know anything about the US HIV law, but I found that here in Canada people can be prosecuted if they dont tell their status to a potential sexpartner.

http://www.aidslaw.ca/publications/interfaces/downloadFile.php?ref=1947

Also more research about this should be done, before I make my steps towards the person who infected me. But I can see hope that she can be penalized at least by the law.

And if she goes to the yail, then others can be protected at least..
« Last Edit: October 13, 2012, 01:00:07 AM by newandverysad »

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #17 on: October 13, 2012, 01:16:30 AM »
Well, I dont know anything about the US HIV law, but I found that here in Canada people can be prosecuted if they dont tell their status to a potential sexpartner.

http://www.aidslaw.ca/publications/interfaces/downloadFile.php?ref=1947

Also more research about this should be done, before I make my steps towards the person who infected me. But I can see hope that she can be penalized at least by the law.

And if she goes to the yail, then others can be protected at least..

Best of luck with that. I am totally against prosecution for HIV. You will be too, if you stop to think about it. It was your choice to have unprotected sex. UNless you were raped, you certainly knew as an adult male what you were risking.

This prosecution will A) not give you your negative status back, B) bite you in the ass when it comes to dealing with your own stigma against HIV and C) not help you deal with your infection at all.

I suggest you drop it. For your own good.

You did this to yourself, every bit as much as "she did this" to you.

Unless you are a perpetual victim, which will serve you poorly in your journey with HIV.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #18 on: October 13, 2012, 01:33:01 AM »
Well, I dont know anything about the US HIV law, but I found that here in Canada people can be prosecuted if they dont tell their status to a potential sexpartner.

http://www.aidslaw.ca/publications/interfaces/downloadFile.php?ref=1947

Also more research about this should be done, before I make my steps towards the person who infected me. But I can see hope that she can be penalized at least by the law.

And if she goes to the yail, then others can be protected at least..

Are you HIV positive? It makes a difference in determining if you are a troll or a positive troll.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Tim Horn

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #19 on: October 13, 2012, 08:05:40 AM »
Newandverysad:

If you haven't received an HIV diagnosis -- and your posting history suggests you haven't -- please refrain from posting anywhere other than the "Am I Infected?" forum.

Thanks for your understanding,

Tim Horn

Offline leatherman

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #20 on: October 13, 2012, 10:10:42 AM »
Although in my case the alcohol was the guilty.
Troll or not, this comment needed to be pointed out for the mess of nonsense that it is. Liquor is never guilty of transmitting HIV or any other STI or pregnancy even. A person being drunk may put himself (or herself) at risk by performing risky behavior and thus getting infected; but the "guilty" party (if one thinks guilt needs to be assigned) is, has been, and always will be the person who had unprotected sex and put himself (or herself) at risk.


And that's why HIV criminalization laws aren't any good IMHO - YOU are the guilty party for putting yourself at risk.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline noregrets

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #21 on: October 13, 2012, 06:40:04 PM »
In my opinion (& this is just my opinion), someone else being naďve & too trustful shouldn’t be an excuse for us to do whatever we want with whoever we want and be able to use the “you should have known better” excuse.

I think along with HIV infection should also come a bit of responsibility to be up front with others to lesson the chances of spreading it to them.   

But that's just me.
Joey

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Diagnosed:  Dec. 15, 2011
Jan. 2012:  CD4 - 584, VL - 104,000
July 2012:  CD4 - 435, VL - 265,000
Sept. 2012:  CD4 - 252, VL - 307,000
Started Atripla:  Oct. 2, 2012
Nov. 2012: CD4 - 563, VL - 8,440
Jan. 2013: CD4 - 540, VL - 436
April 2013: CD4 - 369, VL - 109
July 2013: CD4 - 721, VL - Undetectable (finally!)
Nov. 2013: CD4 - 795, VL - 21
Mar. 2014: CD4 - 759, VL - Undetectable
July 2014: CD4 - 586, VL - Undetectable

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #22 on: October 14, 2012, 12:13:02 AM »
In my opinion (& this is just my opinion), someone else being naďve & too trustful shouldn’t be an excuse for us to do whatever we want with whoever we want and be able to use the “you should have known better” excuse.

I think along with HIV infection should also come a bit of responsibility to be up front with others to lesson the chances of spreading it to them.   

But that's just me.


I agree. I also think criminalizing HIV infection is part of the reason people with HIV suffer.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline pathsofglory

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #23 on: January 05, 2013, 06:39:22 PM »
Otherwise, you are 50% responsible for your infection, regardless of whether or not he disclosed (r
Wrong !!!! the guy knew about his status and didn't reveal it, ergo he's a criminal and should therefore spend time in jail.
if you're hiv+ you have to reveal your status either you're using or not a condom.

Offline mecch

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #24 on: January 05, 2013, 07:10:38 PM »
People generally think that non-disclosure is morally reprehensible.  But is it a crime?

Is HIV transmission a crime in Italy?  Is non-disclosure?

You are entitled to your opinion.  But how about a full enunciation of it, rather than a short, barely reasoned screed. 

What is different about HIV, versus other diseases, that transmission of HIV is a crime deserving jail.  In so many instances, its just a damn nasty STD acquired through consensual sex.

(Not to mention the OP hasn't been back to this thread in ages...)

Have you ever thought about the nuances and contradictions of what you are saying? Do you realise that in some places in this world, someone can go to prison and have his/her life ruined, because of PROTECTED sex and with no transmission?  For a claimed act of "nondisclosure."
« Last Edit: January 05, 2013, 07:27:54 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline leatherman

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #25 on: January 05, 2013, 07:12:15 PM »
Wrong !!!! the guy knew about his status and didn't reveal it, ergo he's a criminal and should therefore spend time in jail.
if you're hiv+ you have to reveal your status either you're using or not a condom.
your response is confusing as you seem to be comparing apples to oranges. Ann is not wrong. All persons are responsible for their own health.

IMHO, I would go further and say that having unprotected sex makes you 100% for becoming infected - or acquiring any other STD or becoming pregnant. Whether your partner discloses or not doesn't change the responsibility you have for your own health or status. Whether it's a criminal offense or not for someone to not disclose their status (if they even know it) doesn't change your responsibility to protect yourself.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline buginme2

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Re: I found put the guy who infected me was already on hiv meds
« Reply #26 on: January 05, 2013, 07:31:13 PM »
Wrong !!!! the guy knew about his status and didn't reveal it, ergo he's a criminal and should therefore spend time in jail.
if you're hiv+ you have to reveal your status either you're using or not a condom.

I agree with Leatherman.  This isnt a 50/50 thing.  You are 100% responsible for your own health and well being. 

Don't be fancy, just get dancey

 


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