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Author Topic: Anger in this forum  (Read 3758 times)

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Offline SurferJosh

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Anger in this forum
« on: August 15, 2012, 10:23:34 PM »
I wanted to start a new thread to discuss the hostility in this forum. It's not fair to the original posters to have their threads highjacked, so let's move the discussion here...

Before joining and posting here, I read and familiarized myself with the forum rules. I restricted myself to this board which I understood to be for partners/family/friends of someone with HIV. The forum guidelines claim that free speech and different opinions are welcome. But it seems like there's some unspoken rules.

Offline denb45

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2012, 10:28:46 PM »
WTF are you talking about the only unspoken rules seems to be the ones you created for yourself  ::)


Hugs


DEN
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline drewm

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2012, 11:04:51 PM »
Josh, the waters here can seem shark-infested at times. There are a lot of reasons for this. Personalities. Opinions. Life-experience. Understanding etc etc. The best advice I can offer is to listen. Listen to those of us carrying this virus and keep that in your mind. Please. I am just over 2 years into this disease, so still an infant when it comes to understanding all of the particulars that go along with it.

The # of years being POZ, or not being POZ for that matter are important. I no longer remember what it was like to be neg. I don't think anymore like someone who is neg. That being said, it's hard for me to relate to that way of thinking. I am simply not there anymore. I find that listening to the FACTS and different OPINIONS regarding this disease and it's effects, mental, physical and so on help with my understanding.

My feelings, emotions and opinions regarding teh AIDS are very real and very much a focus in my life but aside from the FACTS, my opinions are just that...opinions...from someone new to the rodeo. I guess what I am trying to say is that there is a lot of anger on here from time to time, there is also a lot of compassion, learning and understanding. Try to listen and think outside the box. I can tell you the perspective from having this disease is totally different that when I was ignorant* of it.

*not using this as a slam but rather a state of being in regards to myself.
MAY 2010
VL>500,000 CD4>8

JUNE 2010 STARTED ATRIPLA

DEC 2010
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Offline Buckmark

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2012, 11:08:23 PM »
I wanted to start a new thread to discuss the hostility in this forum. It's not fair to the original posters to have their threads highjacked, so let's move the discussion here...

Before joining and posting here, I read and familiarized myself with the forum rules. I restricted myself to this board which I understood to be for partners/family/friends of someone with HIV. The forum guidelines claim that free speech and different opinions are welcome. But it seems like there's some unspoken rules.

Perhaps you would care to speak about these unspoken rules you refer to?  Because, until you do, they remain... well... unspoken.
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2012, 11:25:34 PM »
You were offended that people were offended by your inflammatory posts, which are not only hostile to those with HIV but also advised courses of action that could lead to ruin, even physical harm?

How very dare you.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Online mecch

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2012, 11:55:05 PM »
Specifically this, for example:

If he is endangering others with drug use or exposing them to HIV, you can also take steps to notify them, if you feel that's needed.


You dont know much about people with HIV but are posting things based on your fears and stereotypes. Plus, the sentence is illogical.   Endangering others with drug use?  What's that supposed to mean...   

And the OP in that thread said NOTHING whatsoever about his/her having any thoughts about the friend "exposing" others to HIV.  What is that supposed to mean? 
You see, you come in here, with some baggage, and regrettably you put your foot in your mouth and let drop an very old, tiresome (for us), untrue, negative, hateful stereotype that HIV+ people are AIDS SPREADERS, in so many words.  See how that might offend some people?   Thats the inference we might fear you could be making.


Cherry on the gateau (or rather straw that breaks the camels back) you blather about notifying people to beware of the AIDS MONSTER, in so many words. (Again, its something I fear you believe kind of believe. Its what a lot of other people believe, and leads to HIV criminalisation, and so on ans so on.)

Now, can't you see these sorts of utterances wouldn't help the OP nor her friend?  Maybe just confuse!

Warrant a little bitch slap, you think?  Wise up!  Choose your words better, don't be so casual with them, and learn something about people with HIV.   
« Last Edit: August 16, 2012, 08:04:15 AM by mecch »
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline wolfter

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2012, 05:10:49 AM »
Perhaps in your young life, you haven't figured out that any group will have unwritten rules!!!!! 

For me, I feel like a lot of your "opinions" are cloaked in morality and that won't bode well with a group of people who have lived with this virus longer than you've been living. 

I have a brother whom I'm very close with and he had a difficult time at first but he chose to listen and learn.  He is now one of my greatest supporters and I'm certain that he'd read some of your comments with scorn.

Therefore, I hope you can listen and read a little more often than talking and typing your opinions.  There's a wealth of information here, but it's only useful if you're willing to look outside of your internal worldview.

Even I, as a middle aged gay man with this virus, have changed my mindset since joining this forum and learning more about the world than my own opinions. 

Wolfie
Judging someone does not define them, it defines you. 

True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice.

Offline 0608

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2012, 12:18:26 PM »
 "The forum guidelines claim that free speech and different opinions are welcome."

Josh, I think that's exactly what's been at practice.  You expressed your opinions (which I've just read through) as you were perfectly entitled to.  And other people responded to your opinions with their opinions, just as they were equally entitled to do. 

Were some of those opinions strong and heated?  Sure.  But try to see it from another point of view.  We, as HIV-positive people, have to go through a whole lot that (I hate to sound condescending but this is irrevocably true) you simply will not be able to understand unless you yourself are in that position.  And when you casually (though probably not with intentional malice) imply that positives needed to be kept in check by others to not infect others, well, that's going to bring out strong reactions.

Imagine you went to the market today and an employee followed you all around the store, clearly thinking you were about to steal something.  How would you feel?  Now that comes from an unspoken accusation of just stealing.  Your comments, intentional or not, carried the unspoken accusation that we were not entitled to our rights to keep our status private because of the danger that we would be out in the world infecting innocent, unknowing people.

Maybe you're thinking, 'Oh, I wasn't talking about YOU (people on this forum).  I was talking about other positive people."  But there's no line there, Josh.  If your suggestion was carried out to the maxium degree, there would be no privacy rights for ANY positive person, and that includes those of all of us here.

That's why your comments provoked strong reactions.  If there IS any unspoken rule on this forum, maybe it's this:  Don't forget that we are people just like you, not some scary "they" who would do evil things that you would never do.

Offline Common_ground

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #8 on: August 16, 2012, 12:48:35 PM »
Hostility? I have come to realize in my rather short time here it can get hot on AM from time to time but the discussions are often in good manners (except I could do without some of the "belitteling").

How boring,dull and backwards it would be if consensus were to remain in a stalemate. The forum would be nothing without its members, whomever they are and whatever their opinions might be. I hope these very same members not stop question and debate because without that fire burning, that antithesis, we would end up a choir of ducks burping up the same old story over and over again.

Strength through diversity.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2012, 12:52:23 PM by Common_ground »
2011 May - Neg.
2012 June CD4:205, 16% VL:2676 Start Truvada/Stocrin
2012 July  CD4:234, 18% VL:88
2012 Sep  CD4:238, 17% VL:UD
2013 Feb  CD4:257, 24% VL:UD -viramune/truvada
2013 May CD4:276, 26% VL:UD

Online zach

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #9 on: August 16, 2012, 03:24:19 PM »
here's an unspoken rule, imma holler it from the mountain top.

 >:( DO NOT EVER DISCLOSE THE HIV STATUS OF SOMEONE ELSE AGAINST THEIR WISHES OR WITHOUT CONSENT >:(

you advocate doing exactly that! you called a POV self-aggrandizing notions of privacy and consent?! i call your POV self righteous sanctimony.

you admitted in one of your posts you have some boundary issues, i suggest dealing with those before you spew disclosure advice. sorry your high class ass feels shame and embarrassment that "you" have more pressures because your brother is positive.

i'm sorry your brother is positive. i would love to welcome him to this forum. i have a feeling he needs support sorely missing from family. you need to get over yourself.

if you're brother disclosed, you'd feel better?! you've got to be fkn kidding. because this is after all, about josh, the negative brother.



3/27/14 vl >300k cd4=9... plenty of room to improve

I set into a downward spiral
Caught an illness that was fucking viral
I heard some words of wisdom the other day
And they went in one ear and out the other one

With all the vapors that the vile humans brew
Shining through.. the blight of you
Shining

Offline Rockin

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #10 on: August 17, 2012, 03:24:10 PM »
I can take a guess here and say that Josh is still angry at his brother's infection and he's probably particularly angry at the guy who gave it to him. So he's angry that there are a bunch of HIV+ people walking around infecting everyone, as if they are doing it on purpose.

My mother had pretty much the same reaction when she found out. She was angry at my ex-boyfriend (still not sure it was him, but 90% sure) and I said "Mom, maybe he didn't know or still doesn't know and I'm to blame as well".

Josh, I don't know the story of your brother but, bottom line is, he didn't wear a condom. Period. So this is all as much his fault as the other guy. It's pointless to harbor this anger at HIV+ and you may state that you are not angry but your posts say otherwise.

Unless the person has been raped, sex is always about 2 people (or more for that matter) making a choice and undergoing whatever risk that choice brings. Your brother made a choice. 

Offline SurferJosh

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #11 on: August 24, 2012, 06:03:56 AM »
I've been giving a lot of though whether I should continue to use this forum at all. This board is supposed to be for people who are dealing with friends or family with HIV, but it's clear that this is not a good place unless you're Poz or you're only interested in hearing a particular orthodox worldview of how to deal with family and friends with HIV.  This view glosses over a lot of the HIV related drug and behavioral problems I've been trying to understand.  Walking on eggshells around bitter people is not what I need right now.  I'm going to look for support offline in a different environment.

My only suggestion would be to split the Someone I Care About board into 2 separate groups: one were poz members can participate and one where only family and friends can post.

Offline karry

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #12 on: August 24, 2012, 06:54:51 AM »
Walking on eggshells around bitter people is not what I need right now.  I'm going to look for support offline in a different environment

I was diagnosed with HIV in 2007....I am grateful I have the support of my family who do not feel like everyone else with HIV should be ousted, and who also know that I am not BITTER because of my status. They dont walk on eggshells around me, because they know that when it comes to disclosing my HIV status, it is my right and I earned it the hard way.

I feel sorry for your brother...he is going to need protection from you, because you still dont get the point here: ITS NOT ABOUT YOU, JOSH! Your brother has to be walking on eggshells around you because you will harm his health with your attitude.

I wish you luck on the other forums where you think people will support your views....but I am sure you wont find people tolerant of such views if they reason properly.
Karry

Take it a day at a time....and be positive about it too!

Offline wolfter

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #13 on: August 24, 2012, 07:34:01 AM »
Joshie, here is the issue from my viewpoint; you're not here for support or knowledge but rather to espouse your views.  Kinda like saying you'll gladly accept our support as long as we agree with you.

Good luck with the hunt for the type of support you're looking for.  You've not been willing to at least consider what we're saying but rather, you're upset that we're doing so.

Wolfie, you probably would have had a knock down, drag out fight with my brother if he betrayed my trust and disclosed my status before I was mentally ready for it. :o
Judging someone does not define them, it defines you. 

True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #14 on: August 24, 2012, 09:34:00 AM »
Walking on eggshells around bitter people is not what I need right now. 

nuf said...
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Online Jeff G

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #15 on: August 24, 2012, 10:06:10 AM »
I formed an opinion early on that Josh isn't suited to give or receive support in this forum or offer any to his brother . His advice and views about HIV is always self self centered and downright insulting to people living with it . Many of the members here gave him the benefit of doubt and tried to help him understand other points of view to no avail so if he chooses to leave then good riddance . 


Offline thunter34

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #16 on: August 24, 2012, 10:26:07 AM »
I've been giving a lot of though whether I should continue to use this forum at all. This board is supposed to be for people who are dealing with friends or family with HIV, but it's clear that this is not a good place unless you're Poz or you're only interested in hearing a particular orthodox worldview of how to deal with family and friends with HIV.  This view glosses over a lot of the HIV related drug and behavioral problems I've been trying to understand.  Walking on eggshells around bitter people is not what I need right now.  I'm going to look for support offline in a different environment.

My only suggestion would be to split the Someone I Care About board into 2 separate groups: one were poz members can participate and one where only family and friends can post.


Ah, yes...one last little dig at the "bitter people" before you go, eh?  How utterly insulting - and yet so very expected.  People like you always resort to petty insults when confronted with the truth that, in reality, they don't really want the honest and productive support that will ultimately be most beneficial to all involved...they want coddlers and sycophants who will serve them appetizing and easy to swallow platitudes which will reinforce the beliefs they walked in the door with. 

That is just the case here.

Far from bitter, I'm about as peaceable and mellow as folks generally come - much nicer and accomodating than I probably should be at most times, I'd imagine.  And I've not had any interaction with you at all on these boards, but I've been quietly following your story from the day of your arrival.  I've followed all of your posts and all of the responses to them.  You have been given nothing but outstanding support here of the highest calibur that sincerely doubt will be matched in content anywhere, be it virtually or in person. 

People took the time to hear you out, and then offered sincere, well reasoned and sometimes borderline poetic responses.  They were usually sympathetic to your point of view, though it couldn't help but be noticed that the entire body of your posts here had virtually nothing to do with the one you supposedly "care about", but about you and how embarassing it was for you and how put upon you felt.  You're entitled to those feelings, but only to a point.  There comes a time when the correct direction of support moves from consolation to "snap out of it", and when you cavalierly advocate actions that could destroy people's lives - as you have done - then you deserve to be called out on it.

We aren't the bitter ones.  You are.  You're bitter about the embarassing AIDS-iness of your brother, and how it doesn't allow you to continue to prop up you and your family's notions of being "better than that".  You're bitter about being confronted with truth that requires real work on your part.  You're bitter about being called on the carpet for reckless statements on your part.  You're bitter that we actually did what you asked us to do by really supporting you rather than just consoling you as you whined and made the serious, personal and potentially life-threatening issues your brother is facing all about you.  Bitter, bitter, bitter...so very bitter.

So happy trails to you as you set off for greener pastures.  It shouldn't be that hard to find a spot for what you're seeking.  There are plenty of places out there where people will just nod their heads to whatever you're saying, and that's all you're really interested in anyway.

The one I'll be worrying for is your brother.

Adios.   
« Last Edit: August 24, 2012, 10:29:25 AM by thunter34 »
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Rockin

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #17 on: August 24, 2012, 11:50:22 AM »
I've been giving a lot of though whether I should continue to use this forum at all. This board is supposed to be for people who are dealing with friends or family with HIV, but it's clear that this is not a good place unless you're Poz or you're only interested in hearing a particular orthodox worldview of how to deal with family and friends with HIV.  This view glosses over a lot of the HIV related drug and behavioral problems I've been trying to understand.  Walking on eggshells around bitter people is not what I need right now.  I'm going to look for support offline in a different environment.

My only suggestion would be to split the Someone I Care About board into 2 separate groups: one were poz members can participate and one where only family and friends can post.

If you read other threads on this forum from friends and relatives of HIV+, you will see that everyone is polite and educated and compassionate. No bitterness.

You are the bitter one. You are making all of this about you. Instead of saying something like "I love my brother and I will be there for him no matter what. Everyone makes mistakes and I am not in any position to judge him." you do the exact opposite and judge your brother and everyone here. You truly think you are above all this and that we are all criminals spreading this virus around.

I'm afraid you might be more in need of counseling than your brother Josh.

Offline drewm

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #18 on: August 24, 2012, 01:09:09 PM »
My only suggestion would be to split the Someone I Care About board into 2 separate groups: one were poz members can participate and one where only family and friends can post.

You don't have a CLUE what it is like to have this virus. NOT A CLUE! You come on here rambling about bitterness when you are the most BITTER thing to have landed here in quite sometime (and that is saying a lot.) SHUT YOUR MOUTH and OPEN YOUR EARS and you might learn something.
MAY 2010
VL>500,000 CD4>8

JUNE 2010 STARTED ATRIPLA

DEC 2010
VL>30 CD4>323

Atripla. Valtrex, Trilipix, Fluoxotine

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #19 on: August 24, 2012, 01:25:47 PM »
You don't have a CLUE what it is like to have this virus. NOT A CLUE! You come on here rambling about bitterness when you are the most BITTER thing to have landed here in quite sometime (and that is saying a lot.) SHUT YOUR MOUTH and OPEN YOUR EARS and you might learn something.

Droodles,

I guess you showed him!

Which do you think worked better? The angry bold text or THE SHOUTY CAPITALS?

MtD

Offline drewm

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #20 on: August 24, 2012, 02:26:26 PM »
Droodles,

I guess you showed him!

Which do you think worked better? The angry bold text or THE SHOUTY CAPITALS?

MtD

Coupled with my hot a$$ avatar, kind of hard to tell LOL!  :o
MAY 2010
VL>500,000 CD4>8

JUNE 2010 STARTED ATRIPLA

DEC 2010
VL>30 CD4>323

Atripla. Valtrex, Trilipix, Fluoxotine

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #21 on: August 24, 2012, 02:33:26 PM »
Coupled with my hot a$$ avatar, kind of hard to tell LOL!  :o

Speaking of hard to tell, that cheap and nasty biohazard tatt just above your cum latrine has made this thread into a 4 star Leatherman Carolina clusterfuck.

Don't you think using red ink would raise the tone just a bit?

MtD





« Last Edit: August 24, 2012, 02:35:12 PM by Matty the Damned »

Offline drewm

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #22 on: August 24, 2012, 02:34:56 PM »
Speaking of hard to tell, that cheap and nasty biohazard tatt just above your cum latrine has made this thread into a 4 star Leatherman clusterfuck.

Don't you think using red ink would raise the tone just a bit?

MtD








Now that you mention it...yes  :P
MAY 2010
VL>500,000 CD4>8

JUNE 2010 STARTED ATRIPLA

DEC 2010
VL>30 CD4>323

Atripla. Valtrex, Trilipix, Fluoxotine

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #23 on: August 24, 2012, 02:40:00 PM »

Now that you mention it...yes  :P

Mentioned be damned. :)

It's nice to see you back in a place where they have electricity!

MtD

Offline Blue75

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #24 on: September 12, 2012, 07:34:43 PM »
Josh,  I came to this forum when my husband was diagnosed with HIV. Did you get that?   MY HUSBAND!  Imagine what went when on in my head.  These people here helped ground my emotional sanity when I thought I was going to break.

They helped me to understand what my husband is going through and facing. They are genuinely concerned about both of us. I appreciate the time these strangers took to be there for me with advice, input, knowledge, constructive criticism, care,etc.

I won't even get into the matter of how he was informed nor how he contracted it because it really just doesn't f**n matter anymore.  Get over yourself dude!

It's unfortunate about your brother and I'm very sorry but he's an adult and here's the kicker that you really need to get a grip on....so are the rest of the people he comes into contact with.  It's up to them to be look after themselves when in risky situations.

The only struggle I have is not being able to discuss his status with his kids.  He doesn't want them knowing and I'm not saying a thing.  Since you'll probably suggest they have a right to know, I'll beat you to it....NO, they don't.
Husband:
2/14/12 Tested HIV+
3/16/12: CD4-216, VL-56,500
5/4/12: Started Atripla
5/7/12: CD4-184, VL-12,000 (Taken off Atripla after 3 days, awaiting liver testing) Started antibiotics.

Online zach

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #25 on: Yesterday at 11:13:23 PM »
in searching which of your threads i should best do this in, i chose this one as it was the one where you most clearly took issue at what you feel is "anger" in this forum, but in all of your threads you've had this agenda of reckless disclosure at all costs. so i'm dragging this zombie back up from the dead, and challenging you to debate this

now, i am speaking to you josh, you and me buddy, lets work this out

you have issues, your family has issues, and i'm not surprised one bit your brother has drug addictions and trust issues. you need your own therapy, completely separate from your brothers issues. as far as he is concerned, i hope your brother is surrounded by love, support, and acceptance where he is now. i'm pretty sure he is getting the medical attention he will need to make it through this and stand out and proud again, because i think he probably is. and you would take that from him.


in the short history of your posts, you have shown a clear antagonist attitude towards us and an agenda of disclosure to people barely newer than you, struggling to work this out, you stick their face into an issue that can wait, or at worst is not their decision to make. and by towards us, i mean people with hiv/aids. don't mistake yourself josh. you are not one of us, but your brother is. your family rejected and abandoned him, and you have probably already betrayed his trust. i don't blame him one bit for his decisions. you want a board where the negs can speak without our voice being heard. then go create one, buy the servers, put in the time and effort. that dog won't hunt here. this is ours, you are permitted and tolerated here. more than your family tolerated your brother. so sorry his infection has been an inconvenience for you


i hope your brother pulls through. i think with medical care he will. but i predict that should he pass, your family will close his service to those that love him now, the ones that he loves. they will not allow his partner, and his circle of friends (google that josh, circle of friends) to attend his service, to mourn, to say goodbye. because we are LGBTQ, because we are positive. because we are different. because if we aren't there, maybe they can keep on ignoring the truth that their son, your brother, was a little different from what your worldview accepts. but you wont really turn them away josh. they'll wait. they'll visit his grave that night. they'll say their goodbyes to the ground. and then they'll take his name to the circle, where he will be surrounded by us, embraced by love. you should go there josh. make it a pilgrimage

you are wrong on disclosure. very wrong.
« Last Edit: Today at 12:16:13 AM by Jeff G »
3/27/14 vl >300k cd4=9... plenty of room to improve

I set into a downward spiral
Caught an illness that was fucking viral
I heard some words of wisdom the other day
And they went in one ear and out the other one

With all the vapors that the vile humans brew
Shining through.. the blight of you
Shining

Offline Joe K

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #26 on: Yesterday at 11:39:13 PM »
Zach,

I don't think Josh will be back, at least for awhile.  He's one of those posters, who loves to come into a thread, shit all over it and then goes "poof" until his next target presents itself.  I would never worry about someone like Josh, as his anger and indignation will allow no views other than his own.  We can see folks like him coming, as they have done it from the very beginning.

As angry as he is, it must really suck to be him.  All that anger and few outlets to let it flow.  Some folks you just can't help and the best thing you can do, is to limit whatever damage they may try to cause.

Joe
Life is what happens, when you are busy making other plans.

Though you may be only one person in the entire world, to one person, you may be the entire world.

I wish to become half the man, that my dog thinks I am.

Remember me with simple acts of kindness and I will live forever.

Offline drewm

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #27 on: Today at 11:11:48 AM »
And to think I thought this thread was dead  ;)
MAY 2010
VL>500,000 CD4>8

JUNE 2010 STARTED ATRIPLA

DEC 2010
VL>30 CD4>323

Atripla. Valtrex, Trilipix, Fluoxotine

Offline wolfter

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #28 on: Today at 11:15:57 AM »
And to think I thought this thread was dead  ;)

The Lazarus affect.  Josh came into another thread espousing his views and demeaning most of us here. 
Judging someone does not define them, it defines you. 

True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice.

Online Jeff G

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #29 on: Today at 11:25:41 AM »
The Lazarus affect.  Josh came into another thread espousing his views and demeaning most of us here. 

And that makes him a demeany .

Offline wolfter

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #30 on: Today at 11:37:48 AM »
LOL @ Jeff
Judging someone does not define them, it defines you. 

True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice.

Online zach

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #31 on: Today at 11:52:39 AM »
if it was just him spewing off at us, it wouldn't bother me so much, we're all thick skinned and give better than we get. but he's pushing his disclosure views on newbie family members that are still reeling from the emotions of the initial impact. i can be demeaned, hell i've paid to have it done before. its that he's not positive, and his experience as a family member can be counted in months on my fingers. certainly not a deep well to draw from. he does not know the pain of being poz outed, or of having family judge and reject. and he talks about his rights to disclose about anyone he wants to while completely ignoring the privacy rights of the patient. that flies in my face. and its not just that he's said it once or twice, he's working an agenda in every one of his posts.

mea culpa caveat... some of my reaction to him is personal, and thats my hang up. i have twice dealt with this in my own life. once very recently, and very painfully.

personally, i don't want him to come back. i feel so badly for his brother. his family rejected him.
« Last Edit: Today at 12:04:23 PM by zach »
3/27/14 vl >300k cd4=9... plenty of room to improve

I set into a downward spiral
Caught an illness that was fucking viral
I heard some words of wisdom the other day
And they went in one ear and out the other one

With all the vapors that the vile humans brew
Shining through.. the blight of you
Shining

Offline wolfter

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Re: Anger in this forum
« Reply #32 on: Today at 12:53:24 PM »
It's a continual battle between "right to know" v's "right to privacy".  This isn't just an HIV issue, but rather a life issue.  I've been on both sides of it.

Example; soon after graduating highschool, my sister became pregnant.  She immediately approached me, upset beyond belief and horrified what my parents would think.  She made me promise not to tell them until she was ready.  I struggled with this information as I thought my parents had a definite need to know.

I remember how I grieved for her situation and worried for months.  But ultimately, I decided it was her choice to disclose and my role was to support her.  That "mistake" produced my little Josie though so I'm grateful she didn't pick one of the options she was leaning towards.

Those struggling with issues need empathy, not the other way around.  To me, that's so fundamental that I can't grasp any other version of it.
Judging someone does not define them, it defines you. 

True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice.

 


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