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Author Topic: God...  (Read 4711 times)

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Offline 0608

  • Member
  • Posts: 67
God...
« on: August 07, 2012, 01:45:45 PM »
I have a question:  Has being positive changed your ideas and feelings about God?

For me, the answer is a resounding "Yes," so I was curious about others' experiences.  Here's my personal journey in a nutshell.  I found out I was + in June and became an emotional wreck (I hid it pretty well, but I was a mess inside).  I had already booked a solo trip to Europe for my vacation never expecting to test positive, and despite a whole lot of issues (what if my body falls apart during the trip, etc), I ended up going.

On the first Sunday of my trip, I ended up passing by a cathedral where a service was due to start.  I ended up going in (my first time in a church in years and years), and even though the service was in a language that I did not understand, I felt something really powerful as I began to pray, and after the service, which I cried silently all the way through, I felt so much more at peace.

Since then, I've been going to church every Sunday, and though I still have reservations about religion per se (I feel like God is not fallible, but religion sure is), I love praying and having that personal time with God.  It's made me believe, "I'm going to do my best, but ultimately, I'm going to leave my life in God's hands."

Anyhow, this may sound really corny or perhaps strange from a gay guy, and I don't really think of myself as a Christian (I believe in God and yes, Jesus, but again, I'm really skeptical about some aspects of religion), but I feel like I'm in the process of letting God into my life and more and more, and it's brought me a lot of happiness and grace.  And ultimately, the impetus for that was finding out I was +.

I'd love to hear thoughts and feelings that others have had about God whether or not they mirror my own.

Offline britchick

  • Member
  • Posts: 435
Re: God...
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2012, 02:04:12 PM »
0608

Hi!

You are not being corny.Trust me!
I was never deeply religious either, but when I got my diagnosis...I didn't know If I would  ever get out of hospital.

Somebody , somewhere, somehow decided that it wasn't my time.....and  I've found myself sitting quietly reflecting in a church a few times since  I came home.

Hope this helps!

Britchickx

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,706
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: God...
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2012, 07:00:02 PM »
It's made me believe, "I'm going to do my best, but ultimately, I'm going to leave my life in God's hands."

No I have not reevaluated beliefs nor had any changes in vague feelings.
 
But whatever works for you.  Its important to feel some calm and it sounds like this gives you some rest and assurance.

Meanwhile.... so far I haven't seen god saving anyone dying of HIV/AIDS. 
Science and scientists created HAART.   So just remember to let MEDICINE do everything it can, too.  But I'm sure you know that.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline 0608

  • Member
  • Posts: 67
Re: God...
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2012, 03:08:20 AM »
Meanwhile.... so far I haven't seen god saving anyone dying of HIV/AIDS. 
Science and scientists created HAART.   So just remember to let MEDICINE do everything it can, too.  But I'm sure you know that.

I know what you're saying, and I don't think that having faith in God is going to make me deserve to stay healthy any more than anybody else with HIV.  This is just totally my personal belief, but I think this life is pretty much random most of the time and unfortunately, bad things happen to good people around the world everyday, like the Aurora shootings. 

That being said, I still believe we should do our best to be good people while we are alive, and when this life is all over, God will take good care of us, and we'll realize that all our pain and heartaches on earth were nothing compared to the happiness we'll find in Heaven.

Until then, I certainly plan to fight for myself, and like you said, medicine is the way to do it.  I'm just going to add prayer to that, is all :)

Offline songs06

  • Member
  • Posts: 114
Re: God...
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2012, 03:22:40 AM »
i wasn't really fond of god before, i was agnostic. It has been quarter a year now since i am positive. I still envy the people who could find peace with idea of god, but it is obviously not my thing. I still think that it is not important even it does exist. Not a single cell inside my body believe a higher power, and some people might think bad things happened to me because i really don't care. But i never saw HIV a warning sign from god, or i never see myself as a sinner. I tried to be a good person, for my inner serenity, and for the people i love. And sometimes, when people mentioned god on some topics, i realized i started to hate the idea.

I realized i would hate god so bad, if he exists. Maybe this is why i really don't want to believe of the creational ideas. God, the way i see, sometimes a sadistic and angry entity, does things for us, saying things to us, but not the way we understand him. He has the power and uses it so mercilessly. I know people have answers for my argument, heard them several times. I really don't care. I don't care about tests, i don't care about strange love with a higher power and any all that shit. It looks like having fun, and that's all he cares.

This is my idea about god. Being an agnostic, this is what i would feel if it has proven he exists. But i am still curious about how people still believe in god so much, especially if they know at least decent genetics and physiology and even astronomy.
So my point being: I get the inner peace thing, if it works for you, fine. Go along with it as long as you feel better. But god is not my thing, was not before, is not now.
« Last Edit: August 10, 2012, 03:24:21 AM by songs06 »
18.03.2012 - infected.
14.04.2012 - first positive elisa - UD western blot
30.04.2012 - western blot confirmation positive
03.05.2012 - first lab- CD4: 256   VL: 2.3 M
01.06.2012 - sec lab- CD4: 390 (end of ARS)
01.07.2012 - third lab- CD4: 388 VL: 150.000
11.07.2012 - Started Truvada + Kaletra
04.08.2012 - CD4: 401 VL: 3800
30.09.2012 - CD4: 510 VL: 709
04.01.2013 - CD4: 650 VL: UD! (aka 20)
01.04.2013 - CD4: 460 VL: UD
09.2013 - CD4: 510
02.2014 - CD4: 490

Offline osric

  • Member
  • Posts: 54
Re: God...
« Reply #5 on: August 12, 2012, 08:23:28 AM »
No, I'm as much an atheist now as I was before I was diagnosed. I wasn't brought up with religion, so it's not something I have any affinity for.

I've been thinking of joining a church, though, just for the social interaction. There's a gay UU church here that I hear is pretty open to people with or without a belief in a Christian god.

Offline mstevens

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: God...
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2012, 04:41:41 PM »
I´ve believed in God for about a decade or so now, nothing to do with organised religion, just a deep personal belief and a sense of comfort.  I go to church and pray and light my candle every once n a while, but less often than I go for meditation at my local buddhist centre.
My HIV diagnosis did not change my attitude to God in any substantial way yet we do turn to religion or God at times of crisis and it´s always great to have that. It might pass or it might now. Take your meds and believe in whatever deity you want in whichever way you want to.
The one thought I tend to find the most comforting is the notion that God will not give you more than you can handle. It reminds me that I have inner strength and ways to deal with whatever´s going on, HIV-related or not.

Hugs.

Offline 0608

  • Member
  • Posts: 67
Re: God...
« Reply #7 on: August 13, 2012, 01:24:41 AM »
Thank you guys for your interesting and honest reflections.  As for me, I think of it like this.  God doesn't cause or plan out the things that happen on Earth (at least not usually), but he pretty much leaves it to us humans and often just dumb luck.  As a result, crappy and heartbreaking things happen to people every single day.

But in the end, after our lives end, God is SOOOO going to make it up to us in Heaven, and we'll be so happy that we'll remember all our earthly pain and think, 'Yeah, it was bad, but heaven is so worth it!!!' :)  It would just be so sad and illogical to me if our lives, with all the triumphs and challenges and disasters and effort, really didn't mean anything in the end.  I really do believe that there is a purpose behind it all, even though I don't understand it all.  There just has to be a reason to keep trying and persevere through this thing called life.

Anyhow, I love God, but yeah, it sure ain't simple.  I went to church today, and I was feeling great and so at peace, and then the pastor introduces some guy who delivers a speech about a piece of legislation that a local politician is supporting and how we should all pray and write letters to make sure the legislation doesn't pass.  What was this evil piece of legislation?  A law that would forbid "counselors" from practicing aversion therapy to "cure" homosexuals without their consent or if they're minors.

I, as a gay man, felt slapped in the face.  I felt like booing, but I just ended up keeping my head up with my eyes open when the guy led a prayer.  It really brought me down for a while, but I reminded myself again that Man is fallible (including myself) but God isn't.  And I, gay or not, am loved by God, no matter what that guy or anybody says.

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: God...
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2012, 02:03:45 AM »
Thank you guys for your interesting and honest reflections.  As for me, I think of it like this.  God doesn't cause or plan out the things that happen on Earth (at least not usually), but he pretty much leaves it to us humans and often just dumb luck.  As a result, crappy and heartbreaking things happen to people every single day.

But in the end, after our lives end, God is SOOOO going to make it up to us in Heaven, and we'll be so happy that we'll remember all our earthly pain and think, 'Yeah, it was bad, but heaven is so worth it!!!' :)  It would just be so sad and illogical to me if our lives, with all the triumphs and challenges and disasters and effort, really didn't mean anything in the end.  I really do believe that there is a purpose behind it all, even though I don't understand it all.  There just has to be a reason to keep trying and persevere through this thing called life.

Anyhow, I love God, but yeah, it sure ain't simple.  I went to church today, and I was feeling great and so at peace, and then the pastor introduces some guy who delivers a speech about a piece of legislation that a local politician is supporting and how we should all pray and write letters to make sure the legislation doesn't pass.  What was this evil piece of legislation?  A law that would forbid "counselors" from practicing aversion therapy to "cure" homosexuals without their consent or if they're minors.

I, as a gay man, felt slapped in the face.  I felt like booing, but I just ended up keeping my head up with my eyes open when the guy led a prayer.  It really brought me down for a while, but I reminded myself again that Man is fallible (including myself) but God isn't.  And I, gay or not, am loved by God, no matter what that guy or anybody says.


The fact that you didn't speak up, or "boo" is the litmus test of your faith. If you believed what you say, you would have spoken up.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline songs06

  • Member
  • Posts: 114
Re: God...
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2012, 03:15:33 AM »
i am not going to argue about god exists or not but i really don't get one thing everytime.
why is life meaningless when we accept there is no god or hell/heaven? i heard this a lot and still don't get it.
can't we just really accept the fact heaven and hell are in this life, not afterlife, and still live a happy meaningfull life. i mean, sometimes it looks like people believe in god just because they don't accept a "ending" or "a death" or just for a "feeling of justice"
i wish i could believe a justice, and i wish i could believe Somalian baby who dies 3 days after birth because of hunger, will go to heaven. but i think, life could be still meaningfull, even you believe everything ends when you die. actually it gives much more meaning to life, when you realize how little time you have to feel and experience things on earth.
18.03.2012 - infected.
14.04.2012 - first positive elisa - UD western blot
30.04.2012 - western blot confirmation positive
03.05.2012 - first lab- CD4: 256   VL: 2.3 M
01.06.2012 - sec lab- CD4: 390 (end of ARS)
01.07.2012 - third lab- CD4: 388 VL: 150.000
11.07.2012 - Started Truvada + Kaletra
04.08.2012 - CD4: 401 VL: 3800
30.09.2012 - CD4: 510 VL: 709
04.01.2013 - CD4: 650 VL: UD! (aka 20)
01.04.2013 - CD4: 460 VL: UD
09.2013 - CD4: 510
02.2014 - CD4: 490

Offline 0608

  • Member
  • Posts: 67
Re: God...
« Reply #10 on: August 13, 2012, 03:32:27 AM »
The fact that you didn't speak up, or "boo" is the litmus test of your faith. If you believed what you say, you would have spoken up.

Perhaps.  But I am a work in progress still, and I hope to get there someday.

Offline 0608

  • Member
  • Posts: 67
Re: God...
« Reply #11 on: August 14, 2012, 01:12:39 AM »
i am not going to argue about god exists or not but i really don't get one thing everytime.
why is life meaningless when we accept there is no god or hell/heaven? i heard this a lot and still don't get it.
can't we just really accept the fact heaven and hell are in this life, not afterlife, and still live a happy meaningfull life. i mean, sometimes it looks like people believe in god just because they don't accept a "ending" or "a death" or just for a "feeling of justice"
i wish i could believe a justice, and i wish i could believe Somalian baby who dies 3 days after birth because of hunger, will go to heaven. but i think, life could be still meaningfull, even you believe everything ends when you die. actually it gives much more meaning to life, when you realize how little time you have to feel and experience things on earth.

I was thinking about this today.  I think for me, as corny as it sounds, ultimately it comes down to love.  Think about the people who you love the most and love you the most.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could spend eternity together in heaven after our lives are over?  I could endure just about anything in this lifetime if I knew that was to come.  And as I began to believe so, I began to love God more and more. 

It's all a personal choice, of course.  I just personally feel so much happier and stronger now that I believe in God, and I wanted to share my experience.   :D

Offline Rockin

  • Member
  • Posts: 494
Re: God...
« Reply #12 on: August 14, 2012, 09:50:21 AM »
I actually feel a little silly believing that there is this guy up there with a beard and a thunder voice watching everything I do and affecting my life directly. I also feel silly believing Jesus Christ, who lived ages ago, died for "my" sins. It seems like children's fairytale when you think about it...no disrespect here, I was born and raised a Catholic but I formed my own opinion about it.

I do believe, however, that there is this energy...that there are things we cannot explain but I think they are abstract...no shape of human or anything like that. And I feel that, when we pray to God, we are actually praying for life. When we say "God give me strength" we are actually saying "Please life, give me the strength."

From the very first moment humans set foot on Earth, bad things happen to good people. No one ever promised us that life would be filled with rainbows and unicorns and candy all the time. Life is not fair to a whole lot of people and that's just the way it is.

I feel bad about having HIV but awful things happen to people every second of the day...it's not just me. So I never stopped having faith that life can be good and that we are still lucky in many other aspects of it. 

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: God...
« Reply #13 on: October 07, 2012, 06:15:21 AM »
Life is a bit shallow and worthless without some beleif in something other than yourself..  Setting limits in this world is just that, probably something you should not do...  Lost my husband 3 years ago.  Lost Dad 4 months ago..  And thats it?  No more existance anywhere?  Blackness? Not for me..  Spirituality is simple for me.  Dont make it to hard.. God is or he isn't.  Pretty simple.  Or whatever you want to call 'it".


Eric
« Last Edit: October 07, 2012, 07:10:08 AM by Life »

Offline 0608

  • Member
  • Posts: 67
Re: God...
« Reply #14 on: October 08, 2012, 12:04:47 PM »
I agree on keeping thoughts on God and spiritualiy simple, as I think it's PEOPLE who actually complicate things and make it all messed up and divisive.  I think ultimately, God is love.  And if you believe in love that lasts even after death, then that is having faith in God.  For me, that is the ultimate bottom line.

Offline Life

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  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: God...
« Reply #15 on: October 15, 2012, 02:22:44 AM »
Well said.... :)

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,681
Re: God...
« Reply #16 on: November 05, 2012, 07:28:29 PM »


   Hi 0608 ,

                           I have always believed in GOD   even when he took my older brother at the
     the age of 52  many years ago .  ( Brain Cancer ) 
 
      I was brought up in  school that we prayed every morning  , and had church teaching  twice
   during the week .  I do not buy into Jesus the way  Holy Rollers do thou .

     I am quite sure about things coming full circle ,  Life gives you what you give life .

     Nothing would ever convince me that GOD did exist and does good things . 

     Having  HIV has not changed anything about my beliefs .

The fact that you didn't speak up, or "boo" is the litmus test of your faith. If you believed what you say, you would have spoken up.

Perhaps.  But I am a work in progress still, and I hope to get there someday.
     

     
 I strongly disagree on this matter !   Sometimes it is best to let a fool talk and leave it at that  ;)

                                                                                                      Carl

   P.S.  I am convinced there is an after life .  I have seen proof if it  .
" Live and let Live "

Offline 0608

  • Member
  • Posts: 67
Re: God...
« Reply #17 on: November 06, 2012, 01:55:42 AM »
Thanks for that, Weasel.  A personal belief system is just that, personal.  But I can just say that HIV has definitely made me realize that I was not the world, and there is something out there much greater than me, but of which I was still a valuable part.  Does that make sense?  I probably sound like Madonna going on about Kaballah, LOL.

Anyway, for me, belief in this "greater" force (God to me) has been such a help to me, as your belief has seemed to have done for you.  God bless!  :)

Offline Hideyoshi

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: God...
« Reply #18 on: November 22, 2012, 09:06:44 AM »
I have a question:  Has being positive changed your ideas and feelings about God?



Nope I would say it was unchanged. I feel the same about god and consider religion very important to me both before and after.
10/12 tested positive
11/12 296 23% 176,000
12/12 433 28% 696

 


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