Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits > Mental Health & HIV

God...

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0608:
I have a question:  Has being positive changed your ideas and feelings about God?

For me, the answer is a resounding "Yes," so I was curious about others' experiences.  Here's my personal journey in a nutshell.  I found out I was + in June and became an emotional wreck (I hid it pretty well, but I was a mess inside).  I had already booked a solo trip to Europe for my vacation never expecting to test positive, and despite a whole lot of issues (what if my body falls apart during the trip, etc), I ended up going.

On the first Sunday of my trip, I ended up passing by a cathedral where a service was due to start.  I ended up going in (my first time in a church in years and years), and even though the service was in a language that I did not understand, I felt something really powerful as I began to pray, and after the service, which I cried silently all the way through, I felt so much more at peace.

Since then, I've been going to church every Sunday, and though I still have reservations about religion per se (I feel like God is not fallible, but religion sure is), I love praying and having that personal time with God.  It's made me believe, "I'm going to do my best, but ultimately, I'm going to leave my life in God's hands."

Anyhow, this may sound really corny or perhaps strange from a gay guy, and I don't really think of myself as a Christian (I believe in God and yes, Jesus, but again, I'm really skeptical about some aspects of religion), but I feel like I'm in the process of letting God into my life and more and more, and it's brought me a lot of happiness and grace.  And ultimately, the impetus for that was finding out I was +.

I'd love to hear thoughts and feelings that others have had about God whether or not they mirror my own.

britchick:
0608

Hi!

You are not being corny.Trust me!
I was never deeply religious either, but when I got my diagnosis...I didn't know If I would  ever get out of hospital.

Somebody , somewhere, somehow decided that it wasn't my time.....and  I've found myself sitting quietly reflecting in a church a few times since  I came home.

Hope this helps!

Britchickx

mecch:

--- Quote from: 0608 on August 07, 2012, 01:45:45 PM ---It's made me believe, "I'm going to do my best, but ultimately, I'm going to leave my life in God's hands."

--- End quote ---

No I have not reevaluated beliefs nor had any changes in vague feelings.
 
But whatever works for you.  Its important to feel some calm and it sounds like this gives you some rest and assurance.

Meanwhile.... so far I haven't seen god saving anyone dying of HIV/AIDS. 
Science and scientists created HAART.   So just remember to let MEDICINE do everything it can, too.  But I'm sure you know that.

0608:

--- Quote from: mecch on August 08, 2012, 07:00:02 PM ---Meanwhile.... so far I haven't seen god saving anyone dying of HIV/AIDS. 
Science and scientists created HAART.   So just remember to let MEDICINE do everything it can, too.  But I'm sure you know that.

--- End quote ---

I know what you're saying, and I don't think that having faith in God is going to make me deserve to stay healthy any more than anybody else with HIV.  This is just totally my personal belief, but I think this life is pretty much random most of the time and unfortunately, bad things happen to good people around the world everyday, like the Aurora shootings. 

That being said, I still believe we should do our best to be good people while we are alive, and when this life is all over, God will take good care of us, and we'll realize that all our pain and heartaches on earth were nothing compared to the happiness we'll find in Heaven.

Until then, I certainly plan to fight for myself, and like you said, medicine is the way to do it.  I'm just going to add prayer to that, is all :)

songs06:
i wasn't really fond of god before, i was agnostic. It has been quarter a year now since i am positive. I still envy the people who could find peace with idea of god, but it is obviously not my thing. I still think that it is not important even it does exist. Not a single cell inside my body believe a higher power, and some people might think bad things happened to me because i really don't care. But i never saw HIV a warning sign from god, or i never see myself as a sinner. I tried to be a good person, for my inner serenity, and for the people i love. And sometimes, when people mentioned god on some topics, i realized i started to hate the idea.

I realized i would hate god so bad, if he exists. Maybe this is why i really don't want to believe of the creational ideas. God, the way i see, sometimes a sadistic and angry entity, does things for us, saying things to us, but not the way we understand him. He has the power and uses it so mercilessly. I know people have answers for my argument, heard them several times. I really don't care. I don't care about tests, i don't care about strange love with a higher power and any all that shit. It looks like having fun, and that's all he cares.

This is my idea about god. Being an agnostic, this is what i would feel if it has proven he exists. But i am still curious about how people still believe in god so much, especially if they know at least decent genetics and physiology and even astronomy.
So my point being: I get the inner peace thing, if it works for you, fine. Go along with it as long as you feel better. But god is not my thing, was not before, is not now.

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