Main Forums > Someone I Care About Has HIV

My boyfriend is POS, I'm NEG

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Rockin:

--- Quote from: jkinatl2 on July 23, 2012, 01:09:20 PM ---I simply submit that surferjosh has not been in love.

Also, seriously?

--- End quote ---

Some poz guys (is surferjosh poz anyway?) get incredibly paranoid over their status and simply stop dating at all or only date poz guys. Maybe its his case.

Raf:

--- Quote from: Rockin on July 23, 2012, 02:49:25 PM ---(is surferjosh poz anyway?)

--- End quote ---

His first remark about this site on his post makes me think he's not poz, and if he is, man, he have a long road ahead.


--- Quote from: Rockin on July 23, 2012, 02:49:25 PM ---Some poz guys get incredibly paranoid over their status and simply stop dating at all or only date poz guys. Maybe its his case.

--- End quote ---

It's my case too, after my Dx I got really paranoid, specially with infecting someone else with HIV, or contracting another STI, so I stopped dating 3-4 years ago. But I'm not going everywhere trying to preach that this is healthy or the best course of action, when I know that I should get past this and try to find someone else.

If I have to give advice I try to put my own demons aside and try to be more objective. what "works" for me (and I know that it won't work in the long road) doesn't have to work for others.

Even though, at least I have the advantage of not needing to have regular STI check ups or worry about other STIs.

Rockin:

--- Quote from: Raf on July 23, 2012, 04:25:14 PM ---His first remark about this site on his post makes me think he's not poz, and if he is, man, he have a long road ahead.
--- End quote ---

If he is negative he's a royal douchebag.


--- Quote from: Raf on July 23, 2012, 04:25:14 PM ---It's my case too, after my Dx I got really paranoid, specially with infecting someone else with HIV, or contracting another STI, so I stopped dating 3-4 years ago. But I'm not going everywhere trying to preach that this is healthy or the best course of action, when I know that I should get past this and try to find someone else.

If I have to give advice I try to put my own demons aside and try to be more objective. what "works" for me (and I know that it won't work in the long road) doesn't have to work for others.

Even though, at least I have the advantage of not needing to have regular STI check ups or worry about other STIs.

--- End quote ---

Well said Ralf. Are you back on the dating scene now?

Ann:

--- Quote from: Rockin on July 23, 2012, 02:49:25 PM ---
(is surferjosh poz anyway?)


--- End quote ---


--- Quote from: Raf on July 23, 2012, 04:25:14 PM ---
His first remark about this site on his post makes me think he's not poz, and if he is, man, he have a long road ahead.


--- End quote ---

Josh came to us about his poz brother - and he seems to be struggling with issues surrounding being overly judgemental. No, he's not poz himself.


--- Quote from: Rockin on July 23, 2012, 06:36:03 PM ---
If he is negative he's a royal douchebag.


--- End quote ---

Could you tone down the name-calling? We're not going to change Josh's perspective by attacking him.

Jaroro, despite what Josh might have you believe, you'll get the advice here you need to remain hiv negative. And the bottom line there is simple - use condoms with plenty of water-based lube for intercourse, just like you have been doing.

The oral sex thing has been hotly contested but really, it shouldn't be that big a deal. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

The only time I'd be worried about oral myself is if really poor oral health (on the sucker's side) was involved, along with an extremely high viral load such as is normally only seen in acute infection (the first few months) on the side of the person being sucked. Your partner's VL isn't going to be that high, not even off meds.

Here's something else to consider - your saliva contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect. Hiv is very, very fragile.

In addition to that, hiv can only infect a very few, very specific types of cells and these cells are not found in abundance in the mouth. If you've got crappy oral health with open sores and swollen, bleeding gums (and I'm not talking about spitting pink when you brush your teeth), you'll be increasing the presence of cells that hiv can infect, so keep your mouth healthy.

And of course if he has an undetectable viral load, you're not going to get infected through blowing him. It's up to you to decide whether you want to wait until he's UD, or if you trust the science enough to blow him now.

Good luck with your relationship. It can work, but like every other relationship out there, you'll face challenges. May you both have the wisdom and strength to rise to those challenges together, as a team.

Rockin:

--- Quote from: Ann on July 24, 2012, 05:48:00 AM ---
Could you tone down the name-calling? We're not going to change Josh's perspective by attacking him.


--- End quote ---

Sorry Ann but education and politeness has its limits. When I see someone writing something like that I immediately think about some newly poz guy looking for hope coming here and reading this stuff and feeling miserable and depressed because of it. No one has this right. If you want to give bad advice send a PM then. If he's dealing with his own issues regarding HIV he should simply refrain from giving advice to people. 

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