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My boyfriend is POS, I'm NEG

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jaroro:
Hello, I've been reading a lot in this forum. Im glad something like this forum exists and people like you moderators and users are here to help people. I really appreciate all of you take your time to help others.

My story is quite similar to a lot of people here. Im a gay male, 24, my boyfriend, 20 is HIV positive. He's been POS for almost 2 years. He started taking his MEDS but he came off of them because he felt tired and sick. When we met 2 months ago, he told me about being POS. I told him he should go back on MEDS for his safety long term and my own and also if he wanted to be with me. So now, he's going back on MEDS.

So now the news comes out with this Truvada med being for non-infected people so they can be protected from getting HIV. I imagine this is a big NO for healthy NEG hiv people, because in the long term it can mess us up? Am I right with this? so I was just thinking in keep using condom and forget about this Truvada thing.

I see lots of topics on how us (NEG) can take care of ourselves from POS boyfriends. But basically the rule is, either I bottom or top, always use condom with plenty of lube. For kissing there is no risk or oral sex there is really no big risk, unless there is blood involved or my mouth or his are not really healthy (we have healthy mouths :)
And when cum anre precum are involved there is no problem, right? The one thing I would like to do is swallow, eat my boyfriends cum, but I should only do it when he's undectable level?

That would be my story and my doubts. Thanks a lot whoever takes the time to answer my questions.

SurferJosh:

--- Quote from: jaroro on July 19, 2012, 09:24:13 PM ---Im glad something like this forum exists and people like you moderators and users are here to help people. I really appreciate all of you take your time to help others.

--- End quote ---

The dominant perspective on this website is a poz worldview. It's helpful for understanding how poz people want to be treated, but might be less so if you're neg and want to stay neg.

I see 2 questions here: 1) How can you best support your boyfriend?; 2) What should you do to stay neg?
In my opinion you should end the relationship but remain friends. Don't jeopardize your health for political correctness or to avoid hurting anyone's feelings. 20 year-olds, regardless of gender, orientation, or HIV status are flaky. I have some co-dependency and boundary issues myself, so I noticed right away the odd dynamic of you playing the parent role in getting him back on his meds.

jaroro:
Thanks for the reply, but honestly ending the relationship won't be an option. I mean, being 20 year olds, were quite mature than we may seem and we both in our own way have been through a lot, and right now we have a really awesome relationship together. So I prefer to learn to live with a BF who is POS an love him as he is instead of ending a relationship right now because of this and not experience the great guy he could be.

Raf:

--- Quote from: SurferJosh on July 21, 2012, 12:54:03 AM ---The dominant perspective on this website is a poz worldview. It's helpful for understanding how poz people want to be treated, but might be less so if you're neg and want to stay neg.

--- End quote ---

And why do you think that the advice here would be less than anywhere else? do you think that we are a bunch of pozzies recommending him to have bareback sex? the only advice that I would take over this forum or this site's lessons is the direct advice from a doctor. I think if he wanted another source of information he won't be here in the first place.

ah well, but let's get on the subject:


--- Quote from: jaroro on July 19, 2012, 09:24:13 PM ---So now the news comes out with this Truvada med being for non-infected people so they can be protected from getting HIV. I imagine this is a big NO for healthy NEG hiv people, because in the long term it can mess us up? Am I right with this? so I was just thinking in keep using condom and forget about this Truvada thing.

--- End quote ---

You're right, Condoms is the way to go. Unless you had an exposition and require PeP, you don't need to bear with truvada's secondary effects or having to take it daily. Protected sex will keep you safe and sound.


--- Quote from: jaroro on July 19, 2012, 09:24:13 PM ---I see lots of topics on how us (NEG) can take care of ourselves from POS boyfriends. But basically the rule is, either I bottom or top, always use condom with plenty of lube. For kissing there is no risk or oral sex there is really no big risk, unless there is blood involved or my mouth or his are not really healthy (we have healthy mouths :)
And when cum anre precum are involved there is no problem, right? The one thing I would like to do is swallow, eat my boyfriends cum, but I should only do it when he's undectable level?

--- End quote ---

Kissing is a no risk activity, so don't worry about it. Oral sex though, it's been a looong debate subject. There's no actual studies that confirm it as high risk (there are many forum members that are more into scientific researchs and studies, they could have better answers) so I cannot tell you too much there.

Your approach to do it when he's UD seems very reasonable, that's the course of action that  I would follow. I'd avoid oral sex until I know he's at least UD (specially eating about eating your BFs cum, I would avoid it too, but that's the maniac of myself talking, I'm too paranoid about that).

One thing that worries me is that your BF came back to the meds only because you asked him. He should be taking them since the start, for his own health. He must be the first one to worry about himself, you don't have to nurse him all the time.


--- Quote from: jaroro on July 21, 2012, 10:24:14 PM ---Thanks for the reply, but honestly ending the relationship won't be an option. I mean, being 20 year olds, were quite mature than we may seem and we both in our own way have been through a lot, and right now we have a really awesome relationship together. So I prefer to learn to live with a BF who is POS an love him as he is instead of ending a relationship right now because of this and not experience the great guy he could be.

--- End quote ---

You seem very mature and somewhat informed, keep it up bro. I wish you the best for your relationship.

Ah, one final note: check the lessons here on this site, you can learn a lot about transmission, risks, treatment, etc.. about HIV.

jaroro:
Thanks Raf. Your post is something I needed. Yeah, all is good. Im being informed, this forum is quite good on that, so no worries there. Only thing that does worry me is this whole "viral load level" being high or low and how that can affect on oral sex. I know it's better to be UD if there is anal sex and the condom breaks or slips. But viral load when it comes to oral sex, not really quite sure there. Im kind of paranoid about this too.

And I do understand having to "nurse" my BF, but I was the spark on starting meds again but he is doing everything on his own now, going to the doctor and so on, so im not really on his back telling him what to do :)

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