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Author Topic: New to everything!  (Read 1779 times)

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Offline UmaJewels

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
New to everything!
« on: July 12, 2012, 10:25:21 PM »
Hi Everyone!

First of all, thank you to everyone that has devoted so much time, energy, effort, funds, and love to this community!

Now, here's my short story: I have been long-distance "dating" this guy for a while. He just recently found out that he is positive (I am negative). He is moving to the city where I live in a few weeks. We've never met in person, so there is all of that general anxiety about a first meet (will there really be chemistry? what will happen? etc.), plus the HIV+ stressors thrown on top of it all. I am being as supportive as I can since we aren't face to face, but I am very uneducated about the whole process of being newly diagnosed, safe sex, and what daily life is like for an HIV+ person. Naturally, I have many many questions: what does it mean for ME if his virus loads ARE detectable? Undetectable? If we become intimate, should we wait until his viral load is undetectable? I don't understand any of it.

As far as sex goes, we are both very hesitant. I don't like to sleep with someone until I really get to know them, but I don't want him to feel like I'm rejecting him because of his status. He is very hesitant to let me perform oral sex on him, what are the risks to me by performing oral sex on him? Do we HAVE to use a condom? I know the .gov websites recommend condom usage and saran wrap usage EVERY time for oral sex and rimming, but testimony on these forums suggest otherwise. I'm just confused and would like to know!

I am very concerned about giving him a cold or flu or something I might have. Does this happen often with "magnetic" couples? I am disease free as far as I know, but I fear giving him something awful that I don't know about. If I catch a cold, do I just avoid him until I've recovered? Also, I have warts on my chin that I have been trying to get rid of for 2 years. I've tried everything! Creams, freezing, chemo medicine, etc. I just can't get rid of them! My dermatologist said he would use lasers as a last resort because it could cause them to spread... my point is: I have some TOUGH warts on my chin and I don't want to spread them to him. Should we avoid kissing?

That's all I can think of for now. Thanks for any advice or help in advance! I'll check this thread daily for replies. Thanks again for everything you all do by just existing.

Offline Rockin

  • Member
  • Posts: 491
Re: New to everything!
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2012, 05:46:23 PM »
Hey Uma, welcome.

As long as you use condoms you are under no risk at all, regardless of him being undetectable or not.

As for oral sex what I know is that if the HIV+ is undetectable, the risk is practically zero. If his VL is high I believe there might be some risk, albeit very small as well. And no, you can't get it through rimming.

You have to talk to him about this. If he is under treatment, his overall health, etc. But as long he is under treatment and is responding well to the medication catching a cold won't be a big problem.

And do not worry about your warts, they are not a "threat" to him either.

Offline UmaJewels

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: New to everything!
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2012, 09:36:40 PM »
Hey Uma, welcome.

As long as you use condoms you are under no risk at all, regardless of him being undetectable or not.


And do not worry about your warts, they are not a "threat" to him either.

Thank you so much sir! I really appreciate your response!

Offline Rockin

  • Member
  • Posts: 491
Re: New to everything!
« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2012, 09:15:47 AM »
Thank you so much sir! I really appreciate your response!

No problem, you're welcome. If you have further questions please let us know.

Offline Rockin

  • Member
  • Posts: 491
Re: New to everything!
« Reply #4 on: July 19, 2012, 09:17:35 AM »
No problem, you're welcome. If you have further questions please let us know.

Hey Uma, you should check this article, is has some further explanations on this:

http://www.aidsmap.com/Swiss-experts-say-individuals-with-undetectable-viral-load-and-no-STI-cannot-transmit-HIV-during-sex/page/1429357/

Offline UmaJewels

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: New to everything!
« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2012, 08:40:12 PM »
Hey Uma, you should check this article, is has some further explanations on this:

Thanks again! That was an interesting article. After reading through a lot of this site and it's resources, my nerves have been calmed quite a bit :)

 


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