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Author Topic: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.  (Read 2113 times)

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Offline blk1888

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  • Posts: 16
For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« on: July 20, 2012, 10:22:34 AM »
I find it harder to get to know people.

I'm good at sharing my status, and I find that it is not a problem with the occasional booty call.

But I find it hard to find people who match my spirituality and sexuality, and that I have a high sex-drive.

I truly feel alone in the world.

Offline denb45

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  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2012, 11:29:08 AM »
Volunteer, get out and join a group ( check w/ your ASO) they sometimes have these things ( I'd do some only if I had the time to spare but, I really don't) also you may want to look into some support  HIV/AIDS groups in your local area  ;)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline leatherman

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  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2012, 12:59:05 PM »
I think this sort of issue is a problem for many of us who are LTS. When you realize that many of our peers (those around the same age, experiences, etc) passed away during the height of the epidemic, then it's not really all that surprising that we tend to not find people "like us". There just aren't many people like us.

I've been back in SC almost 3 yrs now. When I made this location change, I decided on a plan to try to tackle this problem of loneliness. I vowed to not only do the volunteer work that I had been wanting to do and was finally healthy enough to do, but I also vowed to make new friends. I had lost my two long-term partners; I had lost all my peers in my area of Ohio; I was now in a new area without knowing anyone. I wanted friends; I wanted/needed sex partners. To change all that, I actively began to seek out any and all venues to meet more people. I took nearly every opportunity, activity, etc to get out there - whether I wanted to do it or not.

The results after about 2.5 yrs of intensively working on this - a boyfriend/regular sex partner, and a handful of friends/acquaintances. Sadly, I have found that living in a rural area and living in an area with high poverty (at least of those who are positive and/or in my age-range) has really limited my results. Even my volunteer work yields few friends as many of those I meet through our shared advocacy work are paid-workers of ASOs, living in other areas of the state. For them, our work is more of a job than something they have a passion about, which might have been something to sustain a friendship between us.

Being here at AM, I found people online who I can relate to and who have become internet friends. Going to the AMG last year, helped turn some of those internet relationships into real life relationships. Sadly our distance from one another is still a huge problem though. I have also found several more internet friendships through Facebook.

However, I still spend most of my days and nights alone. Thank goodness, as I often give them credit, for my cocker spaniels and their love/companionship. They're not "people" but they love me and I love them. Without them, I'm sure I'd suffer much more from depression, as alone I would dwell on the "what was" of my life and how all that is gone. Even though my life now is pretty good (I have a home, health, a few friends, some family, a roof over my head, and food in the cupboard), it's not what I had envisioned or worked towards, so the thoughts of "what might have been" and of "what was" lie heavily on my heart and mind.

I still pursue my goal of finding and making more friends though. I volunteer, I go to events, I work a couple side jobs, I take EVERY offer I can from anyone to go places and do things. I suggest places and activities to the people that I do know. I know that if I stay home all the time, I will stay alone. You have to get up and get out there to meet other people. It's a very hard thing to do some days but changing your life is possible - it just takes work and patience though to make the change happen. While I wish I could have made more of a change by now, I have made some change and that's definitely better than no change. ;) My hope for better helps me continue to struggle onward.

Best wishes to you as you work on bringing some change about in your life to end some of your loneliness.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline blk1888

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  • Posts: 16
Re: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2012, 10:29:02 AM »
@denb45 and @leatherman

Thanks for the advice.  I did just start volunteering at a Cafe doing dishes as part of my reaching out to people, but volunteering for HIV/AIDS organizations is a thought I should have acted on.

Thanks again.

blk1888

Offline jm1953

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  • Posts: 255
Re: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2012, 08:34:46 PM »
Totally agree with the other members.  Being a long termer and in our situation, especially if we are single is a very tough.  You can feel lonely, misunderstood, a whole myriad of stuff.  After my partner and I broke up after 10 years I immersed myself in community service.  Lots of AIDS volunteering for fundraisers, served  on Boards, volunteering was a  huge part of my life and filled a huge void.  I met some great people through volunteering.  I have the feeling you will too, plus feel better about yourself.  Trust me.  I've been there.

Best always,

Jeff
Positive 25 years. 7/21/2012 Current CD 4: 780 Viral load: less than 50. 38 to 40%
Current drug regimen, Isentress, , Emtriva, Sustiva Wellbutrin, Klonipin, Allegra, Ambien, Testosterone, Nandrolone, Vicodin, Benedryl, Aspirin, lots of vitamin supplements.

Offline leatherman

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Re: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2012, 08:53:13 PM »
I did just start volunteering at a Cafe doing dishes as part of my reaching out to people, but volunteering for HIV/AIDS organizations is a thought I should have acted on.
and that's the way to start making the change - by doing something. It'll be tough and it'll take some time; but you're doing something and that'll eventually pay off in some rewards.

Keep it up and best wishes on fighting off the loneliness! Hugs!
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline phillypinko

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  • Posts: 112
Re: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« Reply #6 on: July 24, 2012, 06:58:34 PM »
I can completely relate.They may have found treatments to keep us alive but there is no treatment for the stigma that comes with being poz.i have a couple friends i met at my first support group back in 92.we somehow all survived but all share the lonesome feelings you posted about.its hard to find a peer group.to straight people im "the gay guy" and to gay people im "the poz guy".

Offline leatherman

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  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« Reply #7 on: July 24, 2012, 07:11:45 PM »
its hard to find a peer group.to straight people im "the gay guy" and to gay people im "the poz guy".
and in other cases now, I'm the "old guy". ;D LOL
I mean I'm glad to be older (50 now, when I was sure I wasn't going to get past 36); but easily 3/4ths of the clientele at my ASO are under 35.  ;D
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline denb45

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  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« Reply #8 on: July 24, 2012, 07:24:20 PM »
Well when your past 50 + nobody even notices you anyway, so you might as well do whatever you can  ;)

Live your life for as long as it last...........life is too short to be depressed, why waste time being that way, it's not healthy and very unattractive past 50 +

I try to find something to do EVERYDAY, cause each day is a new day for me  ;)

when i wake up in the AM, I'm happy I made it thur the night, tomorrow isn't promised to anyone of us......

make the best of each day count for the rest of your life, this is what I try to do, it's not easy, but I still try...


Hugs

DEN in ABQ
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline phillypinko

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  • Posts: 112
Re: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« Reply #9 on: July 24, 2012, 07:30:34 PM »
and in other cases now, I'm the "old guy". ;D LOL
I mean I'm glad to be older (50 now, when I was sure I wasn't going to get past 36); but easily 3/4ths of the clientele at my ASO are under 35.  ;D

I forgot to mention im bipolar and on disability.The trauma of testing positive triggered latent bipolar disorder.there just are not many people around who are understanding enough to deal with all the baggage im dragging around with me.....so im a queer mentally ill aidspatient...not exactly the type of company people are looking to spend time with....lol!

Offline denb45

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  • Posts: 5,051
  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« Reply #10 on: July 24, 2012, 07:37:21 PM »
Have you talked to a shrink or therapist, are you currently being treated for this?

are you on any Meds for this?

something to consider if your not

there is always light at the end of the tunnel, if you can find your way out  ;)


Hugs


DEN
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline phillypinko

  • Member
  • Posts: 112
Re: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« Reply #11 on: July 24, 2012, 07:44:24 PM »
Have you talked to a shrink or therapist, are you currently being treated for this?

are you on any Meds for this?

something to consider if your not

there is always light at the end of the tunnel, if you can find your way out  ;)


Hugs


DEN
I think you're responding to me.Yes i am treated and stable.i can't find a good therapist.I keep finding quacks/matchbook psychologists.my psychiatrist is excellent but he only sees me for 15 minutes and prescribes drugs.I think my story is just kind of intune with the theme of this thread which is that there is a lot more to being hiv positive then the obvious effects it has on your health.testing positive almost seems to open a pandora's box of issues that are really quite overwhelming.VERY hard to deal with.

Offline denb45

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,051
  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: For Me, Its the loneliness that gets me.
« Reply #12 on: July 24, 2012, 08:09:15 PM »
Yeah , well hang-in-there, lovely mental health care system we have to deal with, isn't it  :-[

if you can try and get out join a HIV/AIDS support group in your area...

and nobody will ding you, if you tell them what your going thur
they may be able to help..

Good Luck to ya  ;)

Hugs

DEN
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

 


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