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Author Topic: The feeling of rejection.  (Read 2023 times)

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Offline E4eire

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
The feeling of rejection.
« on: July 08, 2012, 12:57:19 PM »
Hi all. I've just stumbled across this website and I'd like to say great work to all that keep it going. I think it's going to be of help to me in the future.

Anyway. I've only read a few posts so far and I'm sure there are loads of these posts about rejection after disclosure of ones HIV status. I appologise if you are all sick of seeing them.

I'm not looking for sympathy for my rejection. We all know the bottom line... They're loss!! That is of course if it was the reason or just an excuse. I guess I just would like to get a bit of advice perhaps. Ok let me give the story...

I was dating this guy for about five weeks. Maybe once or twice a week at the beginning then seeing eachother maybe every other day for the last two weeks. Chatting on the phone lots and really getting on well. It's not often that this happens that I find someone so interesting and with similar interests. I decided I really need to tell him my status as I felt it was starting to go somewhere when he asked me to go away for a weekend with him. After disclosing he said he needed to think about things. A few days later we met up again and he told me that he couldn't handle it. I had feared this would probably be his reaction as I had sensed that he was a bit of a hypocondriac. I decided to take the risk however.

This has only been three days ago but wondering do I want to go through this feeling of being rejected again. I guess I'm wondering people's views on when is the time to reveal ones status. I live in a small city in Ireland and don't like the prospects of wearing it as a badge. Why should we have to?

Anyway. Thanks for reading.

E4eire.

Offline drewm

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,111
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2012, 01:07:10 PM »
Welcome to the forums! Some folks will be along who can better address this for you. I have a take me or leave me attitude. HIV/AIDS is just a part of my life but it does not define me. It is what it is. You will get some great advice and opinions here.  :)
Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

ATRIPLA - VALTREX -  FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE


Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

Offline Rev. Moon

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,782
  • Smart ass faggot ©
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2012, 01:20:57 PM »
Hi there E4eire,

Don't worry too much about that fella.  If you had already sensed that he was a bit of a drama queen then you're better off without that schtuff.  If someone in this day and age can't handle the idea of dating or being close friends with someone who's living with HIV then they need to hop in a time machine and go back to 1987. 

You don't need to wear you AIDS "as a badge."  If it doesn't make you comfortable then you only need to tell whomever you feel is a potential candidate (and do it early in the game to save yourself any disappointment if this sort of thing affects you).

Sero-sorting is also an option, though I'm not sure how many fellow pozzies there may be where you live.  That is something that I personally try to do these days (more than anything for casual sex, as I decided to take an extended break from long-term stuff after my last one ended), though I have been in sero-discordant partnerships, both before I became positive and after the fact.  Love and relationships are full of surprises.

In the meantime, get your groove on and get to know us better
http://youtu.be/WPUs5g8ejJU

At any rate, welcome to the forums  :)
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline Raf

  • Member
  • Posts: 256
  • Bald by choice
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2012, 02:17:43 PM »
welcome E4eire,

Just be strong, it's up to him to date you or not. You should have reminded him that, even if he's on his right to choose to not date with you because your status, he should be WAY more careful of other people claming being "negative" from the very beginning.

At least you were honest with him and yourself, and that's what matters. You can keep looking as well.
Dx: 05/14/2008
Latest HIV Meds combo I've been taking:

Kaletra + Combivir (since 05/16/2008 - today)

Offline E4eire

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2012, 03:17:15 PM »
Thanks for replies guys. Oh and the song cheered me up Rev. Moon  :)

Online weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,681
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #5 on: July 08, 2012, 03:18:18 PM »


    Hi E4eire  ,
                    Hoping you are having a good day .

                                            Just wanted to say HI !

                                                        Weasel

    P.S.  Looking foreword to your posts  :)
" Live and let Live "

Offline Rockin

  • Member
  • Posts: 494
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #6 on: July 08, 2012, 05:33:02 PM »
Hi all. I've just stumbled across this website and I'd like to say great work to all that keep it going. I think it's going to be of help to me in the future.

Anyway. I've only read a few posts so far and I'm sure there are loads of these posts about rejection after disclosure of ones HIV status. I appologise if you are all sick of seeing them.

I'm not looking for sympathy for my rejection. We all know the bottom line... They're loss!! That is of course if it was the reason or just an excuse. I guess I just would like to get a bit of advice perhaps. Ok let me give the story...

I was dating this guy for about five weeks. Maybe once or twice a week at the beginning then seeing eachother maybe every other day for the last two weeks. Chatting on the phone lots and really getting on well. It's not often that this happens that I find someone so interesting and with similar interests. I decided I really need to tell him my status as I felt it was starting to go somewhere when he asked me to go away for a weekend with him. After disclosing he said he needed to think about things. A few days later we met up again and he told me that he couldn't handle it. I had feared this would probably be his reaction as I had sensed that he was a bit of a hypocondriac. I decided to take the risk however.

This has only been three days ago but wondering do I want to go through this feeling of being rejected again. I guess I'm wondering people's views on when is the time to reveal ones status. I live in a small city in Ireland and don't like the prospects of wearing it as a badge. Why should we have to?

Anyway. Thanks for reading.

E4eire.

Hey E4eire, it sucks that this happened to you. Ive been under treatment for 1 year now and I have yet to go through this type of thing because I haven't found anyone interesting enough for a serious relationship yet.

Just out of curiosity: looking back now, do you consider this guy a well-informed, cultured individual? I question this because I keep thinking if information and education or lack of it have something to do with rejection or if its just plain irrational fear.

Offline E4eire

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #7 on: July 08, 2012, 05:57:31 PM »
Yes totally @ Rockin. He is a really smart and cultured guy which made me think take the chance and tell him. However as I said I sensed he was a bit of a hypochondriac so it was taking a chance. So basically it's irrational fear on his behalf. Some people just can't handle it I guess. Hopefully you won't have to go through it  :)

Offline Rockin

  • Member
  • Posts: 494
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #8 on: July 08, 2012, 06:16:53 PM »
Yes totally @ Rockin. He is a really smart and cultured guy which made me think take the chance and tell him. However as I said I sensed he was a bit of a hypochondriac so it was taking a chance. So basically it's irrational fear on his behalf. Some people just can't handle it I guess. Hopefully you won't have to go through it  :)

Oh God I dread this. This reminded me: I have this acquaintance. He's a good looking guy and works as a journalist in  a tv channel here in Brazil.

Obviously, being a journalist and all, he was very cultured. Read many books, spoke English fluently, traveled to many places in the world...I myself didn't find him attractive (maybe cause he was a ginger? Anyway...) but I could see many people being interested in him.

So one time...and this was before I found out I was poz...we were talking and I threw on the table the whole "Would you date someone with HIV?". He didn't even flinch and said "NEVER". I said "Even if you really really liked him and he wasn't sick or anything?". He said "No fucking way, never".

So everytime I think "well I think an educated well-informed and cultured guy would be able to deal with it" I remember this basterd and what he said.


Offline dpb

  • Member
  • Posts: 89
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #9 on: July 08, 2012, 06:24:05 PM »
Rejection is always difficult, but some people are so shallow that they'll judge and discriminate someone based off any number of superficial things.  Personally, those aren't the kind of people I'd want to have in my life anyways.  You did the right thing by being upfront and honest.  Don't let it get to you.  Plenty of fish in the sea.
Date        CD4    %    VL
1/15/11    Diagnosed
3/1/11    525    18    168,518
5/12/11    558    16    331,791
5/16/11    Started Atripla
5/31/11    NA    NA    1,200
6/15/11    721    21    330
7/15/11    649    23    231
8/15/11    569    25    UD
11/17/11  752    26    UD
3/1/12    634    27    UD
7/2/12    594    26    UD
2/13       676    30    UD
9/13       662    31    UD

Offline E4eire

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #10 on: July 08, 2012, 06:38:06 PM »
That's terrible. I guess we just never know how someone is going to react to being told. That was a hypothetical question to him. Maybe he would have been different if someone was actually revealing themselves as HIV+. I'd like to think so anyway. I'm probably naive though unfortunately.

Offline E4eire

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #11 on: July 08, 2012, 06:40:41 PM »
Rejection is always difficult, but some people are so shallow that they'll judge and discriminate someone based off any number of superficial things.  Personally, those aren't the kind of people I'd want to have in my life anyways.  You did the right thing by being upfront and honest.  Don't let it get to you.  Plenty of fish in the sea.

You're right dpb. Thanks  :)

Offline Rockin

  • Member
  • Posts: 494
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #12 on: July 08, 2012, 06:51:26 PM »
That's terrible. I guess we just never know how someone is going to react to being told. That was a hypothetical question to him. Maybe he would have been different if someone was actually revealing themselves as HIV+. I'd like to think so anyway. I'm probably naive though unfortunately.

True. Myself, before I found out I was poz, I used to think that if I was in love I would consider it. I wouldn't reject the guy like that. A good guy is so hard to find, it would not make sense to reject someone I really cared about just because of one aspect, of one thing that might never happen (being infected too). 

So, in a way, my old negative self gives us hope haha.

Offline E4eire

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #13 on: July 08, 2012, 07:16:14 PM »
That's good to know. There's always hope  :)

Online mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,678
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #14 on: July 08, 2012, 08:30:18 PM »
E4eire, you did EVERYTHING right.  Nobody wants to go through it but what else are you going to do?  You shouldn't deprive yourself dating, love, relationship, etc, just because of the pain of the rejections that are going to come along now and then. I'm really sorry about that guy.  But really, you are the bigger person and you can't be with someone who's heart or mind isn't large enough "to deal".
Hear you about not being the poster boy in small town Ireland.  Hopefully, you won't have to deal with that either.  I would make sure you have a followup chat with that guy who rejected and remind him to keep it on the down low out of respect for you.  It wasn't a bitter "no", from him, was it?
« Last Edit: July 09, 2012, 08:11:55 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,878
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #15 on: July 09, 2012, 02:03:58 AM »
I'm sorry things didn't work out.  I haven't been in the dating scene, so I don't know what it is like.  I have no idea what kind of anxiety and pain comes from dating and being rejected.  It sounds like he took time to think about the situation, but decided he just couldn't handle it.  I actually think that's admirable.  Many just stop answering the phone.  I don't think deciding he can't handle the situation  makes him shallow or an ass.  I know you didn't describe him in those terms.  But, I know many are labled that way.  HIV is scary--not just fears of being infected, but also fears about the future--especially when there hasn't been much invested yet.   

I wish you all the best finding the guy who is right for you and who can handle it. 
       

Offline Rockin

  • Member
  • Posts: 494
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #16 on: July 09, 2012, 11:22:35 AM »
I think I'm gonna print copies of this and hand them out like panphlets whenever I meet a new guy lol

http://www.aidsmap.com/page/1429357/





Offline LM

  • Member
  • Posts: 409
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #17 on: July 09, 2012, 02:32:14 PM »
So everytime I think "well I think an educated well-informed and cultured guy would be able to deal with it" I remember this basterd and what he said.

Prejudice finds its way into all people, regardless of being "educated, well-informed or cultured". I think it takes a bit more compassion, wisdom... love. In a time when people are so selfish and self-centered, it's difficult to imagine those who would see past themselves and their fears to see things (and people) as they really are. But these people exist.

So don't give up, E4eire. You'll find him. :)

Offline E4eire

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #18 on: July 09, 2012, 05:25:13 PM »
I'm sorry things didn't work out.  I haven't been in the dating scene, so I don't know what it is like.  I have no idea what kind of anxiety and pain comes from dating and being rejected.  It sounds like he took time to think about the situation, but decided he just couldn't handle it.  I actually think that's admirable.  Many just stop answering the phone.  I don't think deciding he can't handle the situation  makes him shallow or an ass.  I know you didn't describe him in those terms.  But, I know many are labled that way.  HIV is scary--not just fears of being infected, but also fears about the future--especially when there hasn't been much invested yet.   

I wish you all the best finding the guy who is right for you and who can handle it. 
     

No he did take time to think about it and ce to the decision. I don't think he's an ass or shallow.

Offline E4eire

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: The feeling of rejection.
« Reply #19 on: July 09, 2012, 05:29:06 PM »
@ Mecch.... No it wasntnt a bitter rejection at all and I wouldn't fear that he would reveal it to anyone. Maybe you're right though meeting him again might be a good idea to highlight my fear of it getting out. Thanks.

 


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